Why is this a problem

Why I asked about what you do all day was because I found I was getting in the doldrums with my Husband , he sat around , kindly lifting his feet so I could vacuum , I then developed a bad back and had to ask him to move things for me to clean , he then took over the vacuuming , I can't drive so he had to take me shopping , then he started to go and get a few bits and pieces and I had a bit of breathing space . A few of us decided to start a Seniors club and he actually came to the meetings and joined , became a committee member ,sadly his depression got the better of him and I go to the club on my own , we have a cleaner once a week , I go to painting classes , my daughter takes me shopping . This all means we have breathing space from each other . I think it was asking too much for us to spend 24/7 with each other ........... I know it is " in sickness and in health " but sometimes you have to get out or explode . Now we rub along ok

The S.O. only stays at weekends usually but he has a 'throat clearing' habit which drives me mental [every minute of so; I've timed it ]. I know I sniff a lot so I probably get on his nerves as well, but he can go home to get away from it...

Oh yes this happened to us for about the first 2 years I was homicidal! I also couldn't get used to him homing in on my territory- the housework as he didn't do it in the way I would. In the supermarket he kept putting things in the trolley and taking out of the trolley what I had put in. he followed me round the house saying' what are doing' and 'what are you doing next' on and on it went. Now five years later he has settled down a lot and so have I. I have learnt to accept his housework efforts and in some areas he is more efficient than I am e.g. ironing. He has got really into not only playing bowls but doing some admin for the bowls club. his golf has improved so he is enjoying it more now. Obviously we are lucky that he is healthy but a lot of hi fellow bowlers are not at all healthy but enjoy bowls - is that an option - do you have a club nearby that you could go together? If physical exercise is not an option the other thing we did was get a lap top each so no squabbling over who uses it when. For successive birthdays I bought him first an I-pod which he didn't like and didn't touch for 6 months - now its loaded right up with lots of his favourite music and new things he has discovered on the internet. Secondly I bought him a tablet and he plays backgammon, poker and chess with all kinds of people. Do you think any of this might be an idea if he is not yet computer literate there are courses and its quite possible to teach yourself on line - I think that's what we did mainly.
Parcs I hope you don't explode and that we have given you some ideas.

What a shame when you should be enjoying retirement you are at odds with each other.
I was ill-health retired nearly 10yrs ago so I've had plenty of time to enjoy doing what I please but now OH is winding down and retiring in May and I was worrying that it would happen to us but over the last year as he's worked less days we have got used to being in each others company all day and he does have a few hobbies that take him out of the house quite often but he also is a bit of a couch potato if I leave him to it, but he's quite willing to help me around the house and garden if ask.

Could you appeal to his better nature and get him to help you with some of the daily routines around the house and garden maybe if you said you 'needed' help even if you could manage perfectly well it might encourage him. Could you take some outings once or twice a week or even just go out to lunch or coffee sometimes? I think we sometimes forget to just be good friends with our nearest and dearest and see everything they do as aggravating, if he's really getting on your nerves take yourself out for a walk maybe even ask him to join you, getting out in the sun and fresh air away from the house might help.

It's quite common, you need to slowly suggest things he might like to do. Maybe even buy him vouchers as presents so that he actually gets out and does the things. And go with him, too. FiL was a bit like that at first, now he drives a steam train!

Sorry to hear this Parcs. I retired first and loved being on my own. DH retired a couple of years later. He was not a happy bunny. He didn't want to retire but was made redundant in his early 60s and couldn't find another job. He would drive me mad and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. Fortunately he is not the type to sit around doing nothing for long. He got a volunteering job with The National Trust which he loves. He is now also in the process of training to be a volunteer to help people with cancer who have no support (he has had cancer himself and is aware that it is bad enough when you have a family but to have nobody must be dreadful) .Would he be able to volunteer for something, his health permitting? There are so many people out there needing help. I go to a primary school once a week to help children with their reading. It's brought me into a whole new world. Good luck.

oh dear ! Is he depressed ? what do you do all day ........ apart from all the chores I presume ?