Can't believe my DD

It sounds a bit experimental - but if he really wants them, and isn't just doing it for a power struggle, then why not. It may be that the boys will want to return to her after a while and make that very clear. Maybe she would like a breather from being a single parent, and have a bit of time with her partner. As long as she keeps checking up that they are ok, and you do too, they should be fine.

What does the dad think about it? Would he be happy to have them? He might lead a different lifestyle, but that wouldn't necessarily be bad for the boys.

'scuse me soontobe - can you not tell me to "whoa" and "hang on".

I appreciate your worry but don't quite understand. Who has custody/care of the children? Is the ex-partner within his legal rights to insist the children do not go with their mother?
Why do you think the boys cry when they come back to their mother, is it because they are unsettled or does she genuinely feel it would be in their interests to be split up and/or live with their Dad? And is he in a position to be a full time Dad? Sorry to badger you with so many questions but I feel there are many sides to this issue. At the moment the poor children sound like parcels at a party when the music stops
Bottom line is Scotland is hardly the other side of the world so if this is only a short term move, I.e.for one year, perhaps there could be a compromise?

Whoa. Hang on there.

You could be right, but

Short visits with dad are not the same as doing the daily bit of parenting
mum seeming happy - seeming is not necessarily the same as being
has dad not been much of a father because he would rather not be?
boys need a father more than a mother - debatable

Poor kids.

Are there any other grandparents around?

The boys would be better off with their father IMO. They cry when brought home to their mother, which must mean something. Their mother seems happy enough to leave them behind. They are both equal parents to the boys. If they can't be with both of them, and they obviously can't, why not let them live with their dad? You say he has never been much of a father to them. Perhaps this is the chance he needs.

Boys probably need a father more than a mother anyway.

She is wrong to think that the older child wouldnt miss her.

Nina As the GC have medical problems, maybe it is better for them to have the continuity of their known doctors etc. if your dd is only planning on being away for a year.

annsixty not harsh, your very perceptive.

Don't GP's always suffer most in a situation like this because we are powerless to do anything. We just have to agree with what has been decided and weep inside for the children. nina

Oops, sorry

She does feel that the oldest one loves his dad more than her. She has said in the past that she doesn't think the older one would miss her. The father has never attended any medical appointments,( both boys have medical problems) never been to parents evening etc. To be honest I can understand why she thinks like that. I've tried to convince her otherwise but from her son's behaviour it's hard.
The 3 yr old is happy with either of them.

She does feel that the oldest one loves his dad more than her. She has said in the past that she doesn't think the older one would miss her. The father has never attended any medical appointments,( both boys have medical problems) never been to parents evening etc. To be honest I can understand why she thinks like that. I've tried to convince her otherwise but from her son's behaviour it's hard.
The 3 yr old is happy with either of them.

This is so difficult for all but it seems to me your DD is giving in too easily so perhaps short term it is what she wants.I'm sorry if that is harsh but I think that is what you fear.

You must be very worried - I am so sorry. I know that I could never have done that - and I expect that this is what you are feeling, and that makes it very hard for you.

Take consolation from the fact that the boys will be near you and your DH, and you can provide a stable element of continuity for them.

What a difficult situation.

Do you think that she is underestimating the love the boys have for her?
[I dont know if there is any backstory to this].

element

POGS Your right, there is an eminent of letting him step up and be a full-time dad.
I have witnessed the excitement when he collects them and the screaming tantrums from the 6 yr old when he hands them back because he wants to stay with his dad. He is definitely a daddies boy. Although he is fond of DD's partner and he is very good with them.

Nina

I fully empathise with your situation.

How horrid for you and a shock. Do you think she will really be able to hand them over?

Could she be playing a game with him to put his money we here his mouth is so to speak and become a full time dad?

There is always something that shatters our life isn't there, so difficult as loving grandparents to cope sometimes.

He is simply using the children as pawns in a power game. Which he seems to be winning. She should get advice abou the legalities of the situation. Those poor children are going to end up very confused.

Oh dear Nina, you must be really concerned about this. I don't know what you can do except be there for everyone, again! (((hugs)))

Do you mean that both boys cry when they are back with their mum? But not when they are with their dad?

It seems it isn't so much an issue of what the father wants (and I don't think he can prevent your daughter and partner moving within the same country) as what your daughter has decided is best.

Without knowing the people involved - and exactly why your daughter has agreed to this - it's difficult to express an opinion about it. Perhaps she genuinely feels it would be wrong to uproot her children and take them away from their father - and presumably she is thinking that they will be away from you as well.

I suppose it will be some consolation to you that the boys will remain near you and you will be able to keep an eye on what is happening.

Yes, KatyK we have talked and she knows my feelings believe me but I have never been one to interfere. In the end as I told her "It's her life"

They plan to come back after a year of hard saving. She will then be 'the weekend parent' The father has said that DH and I will be able to see the boys when ever we want.