daughter-in-law from hell

galen, bit like that, yes

Wow - lots to read through here - will post again when I have.

Soontobe. whatever did you mean by your post of 20.04??
It sounded quite threatening,

far more in the tank.....best not to ask . . . Just so you know

Threatening? Or defensive?

Bags like big enders and little enders?

I have realised, since being on gransnet, that some posters think arguments are wonderful, good, nice and now funny.

Iam64. I think that the op has long gone.
Coolgran65. Quite.

For the gransnet record. If people ask me questions about what I post, there is often far more in the tank so to speak. Best not to ask, if you dont want to know the answer!
Just so you know.

So can parental orders such as "I don't care what the argument is. Just go and do it quietly. It's the noise I don't like, not that you are arguing".

After which, of course, it all became my fault and they forgot what they were arguing about.

Peace

So do I. Listen here, soon, funny arguments exist. I know because I've had them with various family members. Wonderful arguments exist too. You seem to be giving the word argument only negative connotations. It has positive ones as well. Arguments, good ones, can be and are used to resolve problems.

When soontobe made a comment I just assumed that it would be her opinion.
I assume that when anyone makes a comment/statement, that it is their opinion.

It's interesting how this thread has been dominated by discussion on the way in which soon dealt with conflict within her own family, somewhat diminishing the original OP.

flutterby123 - I do hope that some of the comments here have helped you. So many of us have dil or sil who don't fit our idealised image of our much loved adult child's life partner. I have read the thread as it's unfolded, but can't recall if anyone has mentioned the various threads on gransnet (and on mumsnet) about family breakdown as a result of parents/partners of adult children where conflict has resulted in long term exclusion of formerly loving family members from each others lives.

Mr i.am often comments he wouldn't have chosen either of our daughters partners, but he loves them nonetheless, because our daughters love them and so far, have been happy with them. For this, I am grateful.

soon. Surely you can differentiate between the maybes', the mights' and, in my opinion, when stating what your opinion is, as opposed to, "this is a fact"?

Don't need any links, I can't be bothered either. Nor can I be bothered explaining a funny argument.

Cant find the thread. Somebody else can find it if they want to.

Funny arguments? Most are not funny. And they still start off as arguments. I dont think that should be an excuse.

phoenix. No not running at all times!
I had it handy, and said what you posted.

Well that is weird Agus.
As last week on here, or it even could have been just a few days ago, so posters thought I should be stronger, and cut out the may bes, mights etc and in mcem's words, grow a pair!
So I may well have been a bit stronger in literally the last 5 days, and now I am being asked to go to the "in my opinion" stuff!
I will link to the thread if I can be bothered.

Thank you when.

I must add that my DIL and her mum are extremely close and so I have to find a way of fitting in too. I really like her mum so that's another developing friendship, apart from our common ties with our children.

I see my role partly as doing my bit to strengthen and enhance the family network around this new young family. And by young I don't mean in age - they're both pushing 40.

soon. Could you please start your opinion on matters as in, in MY opinion as opposed to your stating ie., there are no good arguments or nice arguments. As a family we have had some funny arguments.

Nice post Grannyknot. Sounds like you handled things with warmth and sensitivity and got a result

I think all our sons picked a few girls under the influence of testosterone. I know mine did. After they have kissed a few toads disguised as princesses they get more choosy. Thank goodness.

soutra (and cross posts).

Anyhoo ... I also agree with Brenda and Flickety (I think) from earlier today about positively reconstructing the situation. I spent today with my DIL and my little grandson and (partly because of some posts on here) I broached the subject of how much has happened since I first met her and how this is my first time for being a MIL and I feel I am still learning how to be better at it, and that we are both still getting to know each other and I hope that our friendship will grow and strengthen over many years. It was quite a revelation to almost see her thawing and we had a wonderful day.

I agree too that we are influenced by our parents in the choices we make in partners, but my son definitely came home a few times with girls that had been chosen by testosterone rather than brain power. He also became madly infatuated at one time with a most unsuitable woman but thank goodness she dumped him.

Karma or what ? That should of course have read grannyknot

Oh for heaven's sake, €grannyknot* no need to start stirring.
If there is a convention to avoid confusion with similar looking words, what's wrong with using it?
And to assume and articulate your assumption of "taking the mickey" is uncalled for.
If a sentence start with "ja" to me that says "ja" End of.

Thank you Grannyknot.
I am fine.

The siblings were having too many arguments thatbags. Plus they were teenagers, all of them, and it was high time they learnt to sort out differences without resorting to arguments.

Not taking any mickey, just reading it like it looks to me.
(Can't help my background)

NEIN phoenix (your word would be pronounced " neen")
#youcantaketheteacheroutoftheschool