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New here. Hello. Would appreciate help

(14 Posts)
Judthepud2 Mon 31-Aug-15 15:00:22

Agree that all access should be recorded in case they take it to court, which they may not do. We have had the old threat of court but it never came to anything. Your DD really needs to get advice on this and not try to struggle on trying to be nice. It doesn't work! Unless she is a family law solicitor she won't know all the complexities. In our case, mediation came to nothing as the father wouldn't engage. But it might be worth trying.

Courts stress that decisions are made in the interests of the child. Note down how often his father had contact with him before the new GF. Also anything he has contributed financially.....which appears to be nothing.

It is very upsetting for you and DD to have these threats to deal with. Even worse is the emotional manipulation of your GS! Appalling behaviour showing total disregard for the little one's wellbeing. You really need to follow up your legal aid status and if possible get a good family law solicitor on the case.

We have been on the receiving end of threats, lies and no financial support. But he has made no attempt to follow through legally, or to see his son. Prefers to tell his sob story to anyone who listens and gives him sympathy. We ignore all of this! angry

trisher Mon 31-Aug-15 09:19:10

Hi Summermary welcome to GN. You are obvoiusly a caring and loving mum and nana. I think you and your daughter should look at mediation. It is the way the courts prefer to handle children and access cases now and any solicitor should send you there first. (and the same goes for your daughter's ex's family)
You can find them here
The help is sometimes free.
Good luck, hope things get sorted for you.

vampirequeen Mon 31-Aug-15 09:05:49

She could try Mumsnet. There may well be people on there who are/have been in similar situations.

Summermary Mon 31-Aug-15 00:03:45

Thank you all for your support. Glad I found this site. Really appreciate all the replies. Wish I could get my daughter to talk to people. She tends to try to deal with it alone, which is hard. smile

Grandma2213 Sun 30-Aug-15 23:55:43

I feel for you Summermary though can't offer much advice as I know most help costs money, which is a problem on a limited income.

In my case it is my son who lives with me and his children up to 4 days a week. His ex is a problem and can make terrible threats. Her family are usually OK and they are very fond of my son but of course, understandably, they will support her at the end of the day.

It is hard indeed to protect the children from adult issues but keep strong and vent your fury on here. I have found GN to be a great source of support. Good luck to you, your daughter and your grandson. flowers

annodomini Sun 30-Aug-15 23:12:55

CAB's larger bureaux sometimes have a solicitor on board, but if theydon't then they can't give legal advice without running the risk of being sued if they get it wrong. However, they can point clients in the right direction.

tinaf1 Sun 30-Aug-15 22:53:23

Can Citizens Advice help with legal advice , I thought they have solicitors who will give advice ( think you have to have appointment arranged ) Hope it works itself out

Summermary Sun 30-Aug-15 22:34:06

No access hasn't been sorted by Court. My daughter has always been really good encouraging the ex and family to see Grandson. She got a lot of grief because she didn't want him staying at their house overnight (they live 4 miles away) but allowed this around a year ago usually Fri night.

She has seen a Solicitor but it is unsure at this stage if she could get Legal Aid and we can't afford £230 an hour. I think someone said that the CSA is now someone else who actually charges each party for doing this.

If we ignore the ex's Mum, she will head straight for the Court, I am sure of it. She is not a pleasant person. Also, the family has money, so Solicitor's fees won't worry them. Hence the constant trying to "buy" the Grandson's favour with everything he wants.

vampirequeen Sun 30-Aug-15 20:56:16

I also wondered if access had been organised by the court or is it your daughter trying to be nice. If the latter then it won't work unless both parties are reasonable. She needs to get it set in stone.

There are some solicitors that will give half an hour consultation for free. It's worth trying to find one. Money needs to be sorted by the CSA. Going to court to get holiday access is probably hot air.

Your daughter doesn't have to talk to her ex's mum. She sounds like a major trouble causer.

TriciaF Sun 30-Aug-15 13:45:38

Welcome to the forum SummerMary, people on here try to help, it sounds a sad situation.
Does your daughter have full custody?
And what do the divorce papers say about financial support?
You should get advice and help from the Child Support Agency:
But really it seems to be legal advice that you need.

Summermary Sun 30-Aug-15 13:10:04

Appreciate your replies. It is so good to be able to talk to people who listen and who may have experienced similar.

My daughter has rarely refused access, but you can almost guarantee that the ex's mother will retaliate immediately if she can't have him with threats of Court. Ex's mum is now threatening that her son will be going to Court to take him away on a week's holiday which my daughter does not want. He has hardly ever bothered with him and is not responsible and everyone feels he is only doing this to show off to his new girl friend (who incidentally is living with him at his parents' house). My daughter does all she can to protect her son from being involved in adult issues but it is so hard.

They are also very busy on a campaign of let us always take him to bigger, more expensive, fun places - Legoland, Drayton Manor. My daughter has received no money from her ex since March and my income is restricted.

Why do families do this??? I am sure many of you have been in similar situations.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 30-Aug-15 10:52:54

daughter needs to record all the times she has offered access and it has been refused.

also keep reporting any threats to the police. (if they are serious enough, ie voiolence or taking child and not returning)

try and keep communication to email only and save on several devices. (computer, memory stick, etc)

Pittcity Sun 30-Aug-15 10:11:14

Welcome Summermary.
This is a good place to get your worries off your chest. I am not able to help with the situation personally, but we are all listening.

Summermary Sun 30-Aug-15 08:44:36

My daughter/5 yr old grandson live with me. She's always been brill over access with ex's family but increasingly it's never enough/right. The ex, who never bothered with son till new girlfriend also harasses over access. He had good local job but then took job in band on ships! When home it's threats, harassment. We found he had been saying stuff to grandson like "stay away from Nanna". Earlier in year he called Police on me because I took his phone off him to switch it off when he swore at me and dialled his mum. The Police told me he has an agenda and dismissed it. I hate my grandson being caught up in this. I brought him up as my daughter is unwell but now he almost avoids me or is off with me. We saw a Solicitor but don't think daughter can get legal aid nor can we pay 230 an hr. The stress it's causing us is enormous and don't know which was to turn.