dgd hates me

Hi Lucky I have thought about taking her to the panto as Im sure she will love it, will also take my mother then I will have 2 kids to look after but it will be fun.

Just try to rise above it ethel your DGD is learning the power of words and how they can hurt, probably all the bawling and shouting and storming out in tears by the so called adults in the family isnt helping. Be the calm grandma that spends time, reads stories and listens. It is little things that she will remember, I still have the dolls clothes that my dear Grandmother knitted for my dolls, and that was many many years ago. These kinds of things, baking cakes, talking, telling stories, mean more than sweets, any fool can buy a back of sweets, only you can rise above it.

When your DGD grows up, Ethel, what she will remember is the grandma who did things with her, played with her, taught her to cook, knit and sew, took her to the park and look closely at the plants, birds and insects.

We live 200 miles from our DGC, the other Grandma lives close by and has been a tower of strength, almost a third parent, which has been wonderful as DDiL doesn't have the best of health. We do not try to compete, but we are makers and doers and when DGC come to us we make things together. I recently bought a beautiful victorian hand sewing machine for £20 and introduced DGD to making clothes for her dolls and the next time she comes I plan to help her make a skirt for herself. Cheap charity shop clothes will often provide fabrics cheaper than buying new fabric. DD is particularly good and ferreting around for charity shop bargains.

Do not compete, just be entirely different.

And the 'does stuff' is simple - reading stories, playing games.

Resist the temptation to compete.
As Nfkdumpling says 'the Gran who does stuff is far more enduring than the Gran who buys stuff'.

I love my grandaughter to bits and she loves me too but when she was little she had a huge tantrum and said she hated me and I was a horrible gran so I told her to write a shopping list for a nice gran and we would go to the shop and look for one the next day. A big scowl started to turn into a grin and she got over the tantrum. Lots of humour needed and don't take them too seriously. They are only little and you are the grown up with experience!

My GS didn't speak to me for three weeks, it wasn't until I ignored him that he told me how much he loves me.

Hi ethelbags1 - how annoying and hurtful.

Why not keep a supply of balloons in the car. No-one can be glum when they're around. Those watching won't be able to just look on but join in.

Keep info on local kiddies attractions in the glove compartment in your car or in one of the pockets in the rear of the car.

As panto season is almost here, why not take her to a panto? If you book early, you may be able to buy seats within throwing distance of those on stage. The panto and you will be remembered fondly.

Onto the breech dear friend.

When children get to around three, some earlier, some later, they seem to realise the power of words. They learn to lie and tell fibs, sometimes really ridiculously funnily blatant, and that their words have the power to hurt as well as flatter. It's part of growing and developing and not meant. By trying out these new powers on someone with whom she feels safe and securely loved she's showing she's not daft(!) - and she realises that you'll always be there for her.

Calm reasoning will show her there are alternative ways of dealing with situations rather than just going off the handle and shouting.

You are the Gran Who Does Stuff and that's far more enduring than the Gran Who Just Buys Stuff.

Ethelbags my 6yr old grandson said he didn't love me because I didn't visit as much as other grandma we live 1-2hrs drive away and I had just finished chemo and my hubby had just had major surg it did upset me as before our illness we saw them a lot it just another prob cancer had created (in my mind) I admit I did cry my son was upset and explained to my grandson who then rang to say sorry and this week he came home from school and gave me a massive hug I knew in my mind he didn't mean it but I felt guilty about not seeing them even though it was circumstance money and gifts are not always things they remember it's spending quality time with those that love them so don't worry .

I agree with other posters - she's three, she doesn't really intend to hurt you.

However, the other stuff in your post sounds as if it is an uncomfortable set of family dynamics all round.

It's not good for your little granddaughter to see people unable to control their emotions or their tempers.

I don't know what you can do about that, except keep your own calm and temper, and don't be critical about other family members.

Don't worry ethel and don't take it to heart. Two of my three sons used to say really nasty things to me - (the eldest is and always has been a gentleman and his little boy takes after him) but - my little gd - well she really has a go at me from time to time. It's just a phase and it will surely pass in time. Just stay calm and carry on.

I don't think she hates you! My three year old GD went through a stage of saying people had hit her. She said mummy, daddy, me, DH, and children at nursery had all hit her. My daughter was worried that the nursery staff would pick up on it. She has never been hit, and suddenly stopped saying it. As others have said, just keep being a nice, gentle granny, and she will settle down. Forget about what the other gran does. It's not your business. You just need to have a happy home, where she's made welcome.

Does she watch a lot of TV? Could all the skull/skeleton stuff be coming from there? When DGS is staying with us or vice versa I always watch with him so I know (and edit) what he watches. Some so called kids programmes are awful. Our DGS certainly picks up words and phrases from TV which he doesn't understand but uses nevertheless! I think you do exactly the right thing ethel by giving quality time. That will be remembered long after the sweets and cheap thrills are forgotten.

I agree with the other posters. She is trying to establish herself, they all do at this age, and she is pushing her boundaries to see how far you will bend. My younger GS is now 4 and went through exactly the same type of behaviour. We just ignored his tantrums, left him to his own devices when he was rude and he soon came round. Don't get pulled into arguments with the other GP's, they have their way of treating her, you stick to your guns and just be the loveliest grandmother you can be. Good luck!

get off me Daddy's mummy ". She clearly thought she was insulting me by not calling me Grandma
harrigran and lol!

I think by the time they get to 4 or 5 they have learnt (we hope) that it is not kind and hurts people's feelings to say things like that.
However, 2 or just 3 year olds do not reason like that, in that instant, because you may have thwarted what they want to do, they don't like you and say so.

I would never have said anything ( rude) to my Grandparents, and our children never did with their Grandparents either, so I do wonder why this generation feel they can say anything at all, even if they are only three.
we have a three year old DGS, and if we have to say 'no' he may glare or do a lip quiver, but that's all.We also have an autistic DGS so have been called everything under the sun, but that's understandable.
ethel I think your DGD is getting a lot of mixed messages about you from family members, but just be yourself with her and keep calm while the dramatics go on.Eventually she will see that you are always the same nice calm Gran.

You first reply by Luckygirl is excellent.
It is very normal for 3 yr old to say 'I hate you', 'you are not me friend' ,'you can't come to my party' etc etc etc. It is a bit more extreme in this case because not all adults are behaving in her best interests.
Just keep being yourself- and I agree with Grandma2213 and use a phrase like 'never mind I have enough love for two' when they kick off.
Children are not silly they realise what is important in the long term- just not at 3 yrs old. Be consistent, be yourself and giving time is far more important than sweets , toys and trips to cafes.

I have a 3 year old GD who calls me ''bad" when she doesn't get her own way. I also have a 6 year old who often says, "I wish you were dead". Yes it hurts sometimes but it has to be ignored. When they say "I don't love you," I usually say, "Well it's a good job I love you enough for the both of us!"

As* rosequartz * says they are soon back to "I love you. You're the best Nana in the world."

I just hope that when they are older they remember the painting, baking, stories, songs, adventures in the woods, wet welly walks, kicking up the leaves in Autumn, snowballs in Winter and all the rest of the times we spend together! I certainly will!

Hang on in there ethelbags1 and the rest of us wicked grans.

GD1 got very cross with me because I wouldn't let her push her toddler sister out of the toy car, she shouted at me " get off me Daddy's mummy ". She clearly thought she was insulting me by not calling me Grandma

If she says she doesn't love you or like you I would be inclined to say 'Well, I love you very much!'

I had to shout at DGD the other week as she climbed on to the back of the sofa and was about to launch herself off. She said 'I don't like you Granny' and cried a lot and wouldn't speak to me for quite a while. However, I would rather that than she jumped off and hit herself on the furniture.

I thought I was the champion winder upper
I think you have a rival!

Actually, children that age say exactly what is on their mind at that moment, without guile or the knowledge that it could hurt someone's feelings. The next minute they are lovely and loving again.

At that sort of age my daughter used to say "I don't like you anymore" when things were not going her way.

My reply was always something like "Oh Dear" (or tough) because I am still your Mummy and I going to look after you until you are grown up."
Just be matter of fact about it and say. Well I still love you. ignoring silly remarks.

Oh dear is she really winding me up, I thought I was the champion winder upper. Ask some gnetters. I wonder who the bairn takes to ?

Seriously I thought she meant it and I had done something to upset her, I did speak sharply to her for running away from my hand the other day, near the main road but I panicked and grabbed her and told her off. I also told her off for putting her fingers near the flame of the gas hob and she cried on both occasions. This is the only time I can remember raising my voice at her, I thought she may have remembered.

ethelbags she's 3 years old. Children of this age say all sorts. My DGD (who I adore) told me I was an nasty witch. When ever we were together with her other gran it was always her she wanted to be with. The more you show it hurts the more she will wind you up. Just Cary on being the loving gran and do all the things you are doing, cook with her, play with her, jump in puddles all these things count more than toys in the end believe me.

My DGD is older now and we get on really well. She is wonderful, kind and loving. Just ignore what she says, keep loving her and act naturally.

the little monkey told the other gran that my mother, great gran (84) had kicked her. GG can hardly stand on 2 legs never mind raise one of the m to kick anyone. (she wouldn't dream of it anyway).
We all laughed at this .
She also told me that she had a sore foot, when I asked her what had happened to her foot she said she'd dropped a skull on it ! Another time she said she had been playing with the ghost in her room but it was scared of the skeleton under the bed. So maybe she does make things up I know that's part of childhood but I still cant help being upset.