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Son's girlfriend

(10 Posts)
Sadiesnan Sat 12-Dec-15 19:59:45

I actually quite like her but I don't think she's right for him. They're engaged to be married and it's all set for next year. Earlier this year, she dumped him and he was heartbroken but then she said she'd made a mistake and it was all back on. I know in my heart that I can do or say anything, just be there for him if necessary. I'm worried though.

Sadiesnan Sat 12-Dec-15 20:07:56

*can't

mumofmadboys Sat 12-Dec-15 20:20:21

When is the marriage set for in 2016? There is still a chance they will change their minds or maybe you will see things in a more positive light and feel their relationship has more hope of a happy and lasting marriage. So hard being a parent!

loopylou Sat 12-Dec-15 20:20:34

I suspect it's grit your teeth and smile time I'm afraid, it's natural for you to be worried but hopefully it'll all go really well.
I don't have any experience of this Sadiesnan, I get on very well with my DDIL, but I'm sure other GNs with similar situations will be along soon.

Funnygran Sat 12-Dec-15 21:01:43

I think you do have to grit your teeth, if not you risk alienating your son. I felt the same thing with DS1 when he met the girl he is now married to. She was pregnant within 6 months of them meeting and we did wonder how long it would last. However 8 years on there are now two wonderful boys and she has been a supportive wife through a period of unemployment. We don't really know our children as intimately once they become adults so can't really judge their choices!

NotTooOld Sat 12-Dec-15 21:31:40

Sadiesnan - there's not a lot you can do except smile and be friendly. Funnygran is right that we cannot know our children as intimately as we once did when they become adults. They don't tell us much, for a start! My advice would be to wait and see how it works out. Any opposition from you may make your son more determined to marry this girl. On the other hand, if he genuinely asks for your advice you might feel like suggesting she is not quite right for him - but be careful, as he may ignore your advice but remember that you do not approve of his girlfriend! It's a minefield, isn't it? Sorry I'm not much help.

Gabrielle8 Sun 13-Dec-15 02:05:45

As you have a little time before they get married, put your fears to one side for now Sadiesnan. Do your best to form a good relationship with this girl, and never criticise her to your son. Gritting your teeth is good! Mine are worn down to stumps with all the gritting and despite doing all the above, for reasons known only to her, my "dear" daughter-in-law now refuses to have anything to do with me. Sadly, this means I have no relationship with my two year old granddaughter.

I suppose what I'm saying is that no matter what you say or do, what will be will be.....Gabby.x.

kittylester Sun 13-Dec-15 06:53:04

Very good advice above! From a different point of view, my mother in law didn't like me before DH and I got married but eventually thought I was the best thing to happen to her son.

Sadiesnan Sun 13-Dec-15 09:25:01

I actually like her, that's not the issue. She's very bossy though and it looks from the outside that everything has to be about her. That basically is the problem. My other son has voiced the same concern to me, on the quiet. This was after she dumped him and we were all very upset.

Thanks for the replies ladies. I know I have to grin and bear it and I do make a massive effort to get on with her. As I said, I do actually like her.

Teetime Sun 13-Dec-15 09:30:36

My GS got married this year and DD1 doesn't like his wife who I think is a sweetie who loved him utterly. I asked to DD1 ' has the woman been born who is good enough for your [email protected] She answered 'probably not'. My mother detested my brothers wife ( mind you she wasn't alone in that). Same applied there really. I worry about DD2 and her husband - I think she could have found someone who would look after her more than he does but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it and saying anything at all about him just alienates her so I don't.