thank you letters

Because of what I now know was my dyslexia I found writing neatly and correctly extremely difficult when I was a child.

Just trying to write a simple thank you note without any mistakes was incredibly frustrating so I very often just gave up rather than submit a totally scruffy letter.

I still find it difficult to just do a quick note to the milkman without a mistake. I was dreadfully ashamed of my writing but in the 1950s no one would have understood the dyslexia bit was part of the problem.

I remember having to write thank you notes as a child and I hated it (particularly if I didn't really like the present!), but over the years I've lost count of the number of times I've sent presents/money to friends and family far away and not even had an acknowledgment. As far as I can tell, the thank you note was designed to let the giver know that the gift had at least arrived and not been nicked/lost in the post.
A phone call or email would obviously also serve, but frankly after having to ask a third time whether or not a gift has been received, I stop sending anything.
Is that old fashioned? Surely it's only polite to say thank you?
Merry Christmas everyone!

Replaced now with a quick e-mail I received one last nighr.

Mobile phones can be useful! We had an early Christmas meal and present opening on Sunday.it was me, DS and his 1 and 5 year olds visiting me, and his older children, their half siblings, who live near me. Oldest DGD,21, had given little brother a jigsaw which he thanked her for and put aside. Later, after DGD had gone I suggested he did the jigsaw which had far more pieces than he'd attempted before. After doing it with me he broke it and began again. When he'd almost finished I sent her a pic of rapt child bent over puzzle. Her reply was 'Aww, I can see he likes it!' The perfect thank you!

We'd done the pen and paper hovering for everyone but got the two older DGC to phone people immediately to thank them, job done. DS phoned for the little ones and got the 4 year old to speak to and thank his aunt etc. I remembered my nagging of DS years ago to get him to thank relatives and smiled quietly to myself.

Just as I was about to leave home for a week a lovely bouquet was delivered. A neighbour was pleased and astonished to get them (with explanation!) as I couldn't carry them and certainly didn't want to come home to dead flowers.I had to explain as I didn't want her to feel she had to give me a present in return.

Olympia yes your post rang a bell, I rarely get thank you notes from anyone or cards either yet I made my DD write lots, I suppose it seems really good to get one from a child yet I did get one from a friends DIL for whom I had sent a baby present and I kept it on the piano for weeks and used it as a book mark after that.

Ethel, tell your DD I used to tell my children 'If you don't want to write a thank you card, I'll take it you don't want/like the gift and I'll send it back to the giver'. They were never quite sure whether I would or not; now, they are assiduous (that's a good word after 3 glasses of Rioja) in getting my DGC to write thank yous .
Don't we all love to be properly thanked? A newish friend came for lunch for the first time a couple of weeks ago. A text, phonecall or email would have sufficed, but she sent me a dellightful thank you note in the post. Just a few short lines, but it made my week.

I instilled into my daughter and son that if someone takes the trouble to select a gift and give it to them, good manners dictate that a hand written Thank You note should be sent and now, they make sure their children do the same.

I sent birthday and Christmas gifts to two set of relatives and they were never acknowledged so after a few years, I stopped sending them.

I don't care what reaction my comments elicit, I will never ever change my mind on this. Manners maketh the man.

I have one daughter-in-law I only see once a year!!!! My son comes to our house to pick up birthday presents etc. I know I will get a thank you card for her Christmas present but OH I wish I could see her. What have I done wrong? I must be dreadfully bad. My son used to be such a home loving boy.

Yes Alea. It would have been a sea voyage in those days I suppose. No balconies for those ladies either. Hope Galen is enjoying lots of sunshine from her balcony

Not really cruising Bellanonna sailing to and from India in the days of the Raj.
Because Victorian ladies wanted/needed to preserve their fair complexion, those who could afford to sailed " port out, starboard home"
P O S H

Brought up both DDs to write thank you letters for gifts, hospitality etc. They still do it and it's a joy to receive highly original thank you letters from DGS for gifts,even though we see him very frequently.

I always encouraged forced my DD to write thank you letters and now do the same for DGD for any presents that she receives from my friends/relatives. However DD doesn't require her to write to anyone so clearly my firmness had no long lasting effect.

What about thanking people for meals? It seems to me that time, effort and money is required for that too and I always appreciate a written acknowledgement by post, text or email.

But Olympia, why should your boys have stopped displaying good manners just because their relatives didn't have them?

Here's another slant to this posting! I was always vigilant when my three sons received presents - birthdays and Christmas and always made a note of who sent what so Thank You letters could be appropriately composed! This was not an easy task - encouraging three young boys to respond but they did. Well they did for a few years (under duress from me!). As encouragement I told them that Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt/Uncle etc would be very happy to get a little "Thank You" - and in any event it was "good manners". This approach work for a while until one son said ™Wht do we have to send a note WHEN NO ONE THANKS US FOR THE PRESENTS WE SEND?™ I immediately was reminded of the hours of glueing and glittering we spent making special presents for said relatives and for once I was stumped for an answer. No matter how old/what venerable status older relatives hold good manners are good manners (as I had instilled for years). End of Thank You notes!

I always wrote thank you notes and my girls did too . It wasn't always of their own accord but I consider it important if someone takes the time to purchase a gift the girls could afford a moment to write a note.

Sometimes my grand children write me a note, sometimes I get a picture. Sometimes I get an email or a text but I always get something. I consider it polite and it's not like they have to be tortured into it :-)

Surely thank you notes are also important in developing communication and social skills?

I was also a hoverer with a pen and pad, making sure my children knew who had bought what and then sitting them down to write 'thank you' letters. Now at the ages of 24 and 26 my two sons have continued to write their own (unforced) letters to grandparents etc. My daughter hasn't yet started to do get her sons to do this, but I suspect she will do when they're a little older. She is a very generous sister and most certainly expects to receive 'thank you' letters from her siblings when she's given them gifts.

Annifrance, posh had to do with cruising, so it isn't really a proper word anyway. Such a silly one, too. Have a lovely Noel, lucky you ! It's probably a bit less commercialised out there, non?

Well said whitewave and Teacher 11. After all the snipping about punctuality I think that pales into insignificance compared to not thanking a giver for a present that has been carefully chosen, money possibly ill afforded, and time taken is the height of ill manners, ingratitude, rudeness and inconsideration. I was brought up to write them, so were my children and now my grandchildren. Nowadays perhaps a telephone call will suffice but at least some form of thanks.

My daughter always writes to thank me for presents and childminding or a stay here in France. I have told her that it really isn't necessary or expected from me but she just says she was brought up properly! My stepdaughter's godfather told me that he generously gave to her and never had any sort of thanks, but the gifts he gave to my children were always acknowledged so he stopped giving to his goddaughter but continued to give to mine!

There are so many lovely ecards around that I think it is a pleasure to receive one of these and I never think of it as lazy. In fact it is possible to go further and I always use these to thank an hostess for a lovely evening, dinner, lunch or whatever. It takes little time or money to do this and affords a lot of pleasure to the recipient.

And please stop the nonsense about class and posh. I know so called working class people with impeccable manners, and so called upper class people with appalling manners. Manners are manners whoever you are. One friend told me that someone accused her of being posh, an onlooker took my friend aside and said the appropriate riposte would have been 'Posh? You obviously meant that as an insult, so how about I call you common, how does that sit?' Like that and looking forward to using it!

With e mail and Facebook I like to send a thank you message after the event I received a present for. I even like to send a thank you message if I have been to lunch etc with someone. It only takes a few minutes.

If people have bothered to buy you a gift or invite you to an event it is the least you can do.

I have nieces who I sent presents to for their children and I never heard anything so now I don't bother.

I was brought up to write thank you letters and it was a chore. However I do believe that if people are kind enough to send a gift they should be thanked. I give gifts to my daughter's step children and have never been thanked! I would be happy to be thanked in any way, even a text would do.

certainly not middle class - just politeness! A phone call or email is acceptable sometimes - just contact the donor. I have given up spending money, time and effort on a couple of my nieces who can not even be bothered to respond and take presents for granted.

Always wrote them as a child but seems to be less and less common these days. One DIL is great at thank you cards when presents for new baby were posted from afar. I had to keep nagging other DS and wife since people were asking whether presents had arrived. I finally sent them a pack of cards and stamps and told them to get on with it! In the last year have bought new baby present and then 1st birthday present for a friend's grandchild and have yet to have an acknowledgement.

Just to add thst was after their 18th and a large cheque!

LynC if I understand correctly, you don't send gifts to some grandchildren because their father didn't send a thank you.

Isn't that a bit harsh on the grandchildren? They can't help the actions of their parents!