Is it only a mum/gran who would feel like this ?

Sure that wasn't a Freudian slip queenie

Fair comment Anya I can be my own worst enemy sometimes! Yes texting and whatsapp are good for chatting and keeping in touch, with the older granddaughters too.
ps predictive text on my phone is determined you are anus not Anya!! Note to self always preview before posting!!
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I am not being unsmypathetic but we are lucky to have Skype /Facetime etc to communicate nowadays.

As a child my parents lived in E Africa and I was in UK at boarding school. I stayed with grandparents/uncle & aunt in holidays and only had a blue folding airmail letter to look forward too at Christmas. I adored my mum and dad and they adored me too and I never doubted it for a minute.
Whilst we all would have loved to have been together for Christmas (well all the time really) it was not practical. If you demonstrate care and love when you are together I have found being apart is not so bad!

I have to say how much I enjoy FaceTime! My DGC (ranging from 19 to 5) are all very happy with it and we chat easily, often as a group with whoever is around. DD lives nearby so it often happens that she'll say "Let's FT *" so we can all join in.

And texting and FB messaging are such quick and easy ways to touch base! We use FB messaging a lot when we're travelling, as it's free to send photos (in the right system) etc.

Do you use text queenie? You might find it easier to text a request. You can be too independant you know!

Good point, Anya I'm not always very good at making it clear what I would like to happen. Tegan, I can understand your guilty feelings, I followed my heart and moved 400 miles away when was 19. My father was sad but quite pragmatic about it all, while my mother always struggled with me being so far away. But to be honest I think what she struggled with was my independent spirit as much as anything. Even if I had been round the corner I would have still wanted to be free to do things my own way! I don't feel huge amounts of guilt about it. Just a tinge of sadness that it's only as I get older myself that I can better understand how she must have felt at times and why.....the wisdom of hindsight and all that I guess. But Tegan we did what we thought was right at the time, given the people we were then...full of the omnipotence of youth!

I know what you mean Queenie but there really is no reason to ask occasionally. If you would have liked to see that Nativity then perhaps you could say just that?

Understand totally what you mean queenie.However, with me my parents lives revolved totally around me and I found the pressure, as an only child, far too great and still suffer from guilt having left them and my hometown in my late teens.

Reading back through these posts has made me reflect on family relationships and how tricky it is to negotiate them at times. If can sometimes seem I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. As others have said it can seem that our adult children are more important to us than we are to them. Disappointing though that may feel at times it does seem to be the natural order of things and it makes me sad to realise that's how my own mother surely felt at times. Our kids seem to be proud of us having our own lives and interests etc, in contrast to their in laws who they say "don't ever do anything". But the down side of this, I think, is that sometimes they assume we're too busy e.g. to watch a school nativity play. As an only child living 400 miles from my parents when we had our children I felt huge pressure from my mum (with whom I had a tricky relationship anyway) to be an attentive daughter.....despite my best efforts I never felt I met her expectations! So I've always made efforts to have lower expectations/ make fewer demands/ comment less etc etc. However sometimes I wonder if I've shot myself in the foot, especially when I see folk who present themselves as more fragile being cosseted and considered at every turn. But then again would I really want to be seen as that needy. Ok hands up, I'm just fickle.....hope there's some other gnetter who can identify with this....or am I weird as well as fickle?!

Years ago things were difficult between my Mum and I, but I still phoned her to keep in touch. I was given a good piece of advice - don't ring her without having 3 things I could talk about. This was actually to prevent her taking her feelings out on me, but actually it's a very useful technique for keeping the conversation going.

I should have thought about doing just that this year, because our family Skype session was a bit awkward for several reasons - large number of people involved, talking over each other, etc.

In all the excitement of 'seeing' each other, a little bit of thought before hand can make these things more enjoyable.

bobbydog leave her to her sulks, she'll have to just get over it (whatever 'it' is). A short dose of ignoring her will do her good - and besides she's going to need you soon when it's time to return to work.

Let her do the running/contacting you first.

Works for me!!

Bobbydog24
Maybe it's not you. She could be preoccupied/worried about something else. Since you are in frequent contact in a week or two either it could be resolved and/or she may have explained. Give her some time and space.

I am forever saying the wrong thing without intending to, being misinterpreted, even misheard. I now apologise and tell myself that it's my reaction which counts, not the misjudgement. I don't always succeed but if I can stay calm the argument/scene/row can often just fizzle out.

I hope things are soon resolved/forgotten and all's well between you and your daughter.

I don't need FaceTime to feel upset. My daughter is being very cool with me since Xmas day. I have no idea why. I have asked and she says there is nothing wrong yet I know there is. The annoying part is that I would have thought out of respect she would be honest and we could talk it through whatever it is that is bothering her. We live close to each other and would normally see each other at some point everyday as I look after both grandchildren while she and husband work. Another reason why I feel disappointed as we do so much for her, she appears so ungrateful. I know she is in a job she hates and has been unsuccessful in obtaining another one but there is nothing I can do about that other than be supportive in whatever she does. It's upset me enormously and has put a black cloud over our usual happy Xmas. I want to be sympathetic but I feel annoyed at being made to feel this awkwardness when I have absolutely no idea what I have done.

Like Mamie said, it's good to have a purpose. I do prefer a phone call and find it much easier to talk than on face time/Skype. The purpose of Skype would be to see the dgc at play and have a little interaction (hopefully).

Starbird, we do email regularly to keep up.

Trendygran, getting about on public transport can be very searching. Please make sure you've sourced the best/easiest route. Be kind to yourself.

Coolgran65. Only yesterday a friend and I were discussing how ,sadly , we need our children/grandchildren more than they need us --unless a babysitter is required at times! We both said that we have to count to ten before making comments about how we're treated sometimes. We are both widowed so our families are very important to us.
I did have a lovely morning today with all my 4 grandchildren together for a whole 4 hours. I had not seen the 2 older ones since August 2014 ----not because I'm denied access at all but because they live 300 miles away and they haven't been back here since Christmas 2013. They have to juggle work shifts, school, school holidays , activities etc constantly.
I am determined to see them back in Pembrokeshire next year, but with no car it is a very long journey.
I don't see my local grandchildren all that often because my DD and SIL both work shifts in the NHS so also have to juggle their lives all the time. They have made it very plain that Sundays are their 'family time' and that does not include me. End of sob story!

'

Coolgran65. Only yesterday a friend and I were discussing how ,sadly , we need our children/grandchildren more than they need us --unless a babysitter is required at times! We both said that we have to count to ten before making comments about how we're treated sometimes. We are both widowed so our families are very important to us.
I did have a lovely morning today with all my 4 grandchildren together for a whole 4 hours. I had not seen the 2 older ones since August 2014 ----not because I'm denied access at all but because they live 300 miles away and they haven't been back here since Christmas 2013. They have to juggle work shifts, school, school holidays , activities etc constantly.
I am determined to see them back in Pembrokeshire next year, but with no car it is a very long journey.
I don't see my local grandchildren all that often because my DD and SIL both work shifts in the NHS so also have to juggle their lives all the time. They have made it very plain that Sundays are their 'family time' and that does not include me. End of sob story!

'

Coolgran65. Only yesterday a friend and I were discussing how ,sadly , we need our children/grandchildren more than they need us --unless a babysitter is required at times! We both said that we have to count to ten before making comments about how we're treated sometimes. We are both widowed so our families are very important to us.
I did have a lovely morning today with all my 4 grandchildren together for a whole 4 hours. I had not seen the 2 older ones since August 2014 ----not because I'm denied access at all but because they live 300 miles away and they haven't been back here since Christmas 2013. They have to juggle work shifts, school, school holidays , activities etc constantly.
I am determined to see them back in Pembrokeshire next year, but with no car it is a very long journey.
I don't see my local grandchildren all that often because my DD and SIL both work shifts in the NHS so also have to juggle their lives all the time. They have made it very plain that Sundays are their 'family time' and that does not include me. End of sob story!

'

Coolgran65. Only yesterday a friend and I were discussing how ,sadly , we need our children/grandchildren more than they need us --unless a babysitter is required at times! We both said that we have to count to ten before making comments about how we're treated sometimes. We are both widowed so our families are very important to us.
I did have a lovely morning today with all my 4 grandchildren together for a whole 4 hours. I had not seen the 2 older ones since August 2014 ----not because I'm denied access at all but because they live 300 miles away and they haven't been back here since Christmas 2013. They have to juggle work shifts, school, school holidays , activities etc constantly.
I am determined to see them back in Pembrokeshire next year, but with no car it is a very long journey.
I don't see my local grandchildren all that often because my DD and SIL both work shifts in the NHS so also have to juggle their lives all the time. They have made it very plain that Sundays are their 'family time' and that does not include me. End of sob story!

'

I find facetime awkward, and I'm not very good on the phone either, and often call at an inconvenient time. We usually settle for messaging evey now and then.

I think Skype and Facetime work best when there is a purpose. We help with homework, do shared reading, watch the children cook etc. If you just sit and try to think of something to say it doesn't work imo.
When you all live in different countries and only see each other a few times a year you have to work at getting the best out of it. Il faut faire avec, as they say round here.

Yeah, I think skype and FT are great but limited. Best, IMO, for brief contact. to say hello and maybe see how the GC have grown and so forth. Can't expect too much of little ones on these or even a regular phone cuz they get distracted. If we lower our expectations, I think, we're less likely to get disappointed.

I also agree that our AC mean more to us than vice versa. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be as they need to pay it forward and focus on their own lives and families. It's bound to hurt, sometimes, I admit. But if we keep that in mind, maybe it won't hurt as much.

Nanaseaside, was that new GC born yet? If so, congrats and best wishes to all!

We are lucky and have our daughter, SiL and granddaughters here in France this year, but we haven't seen our son at Christmas for over twenty years and have never had Christmas with those grandchildren. We always Skype to watch the present opening and it works fine. This year we gave both grandchildren android tablets. Our granddaughter (7) shouted with joy when she unwrapped it, which was wonderful, but even better was when she Skyped us all on her own the following evening from her bedroom.
I think Skype and Facetime work much better as the children get older and I love seeing snatches of their everyday lives.

annemac we are in the same boat with our uncommunicative sons. See my earlier post on this thread. I am at a loss how to deal with my DS and the hurt it causes me. DS and DIL are so strict about my 4 year old DGD's manners and being polite yet their behaviour is frankly ignorant! I won't be a nag or do anything to make them feel they've GOT to speak to me. I just want DS to be genuine and want to communicate pleasantly now and then. He never makes eye contact, but that's only with me. Hard to understand and cope with it

Lucky girl makes a very good point about matching expectations and hopes - I try to make a point of being open and honest about what I would like and enquire about what is possible, sometimes the other way round, which is usually followed by a compromise which suits everyone and particularly the DGC. Another good point about developing a new life for oneself after the children have flown the nest - the higher our hopes and expectations of the DC and DGC the further we fall if those hopes are not fulfilled. And the bigger the burden on those who do (not) fulfil them for us!

I decided, some time ago, that if I wanted to visit with them I would do so, provided it was a viable/realistic possibility because I wanted to and not because any of us had a duty to, or because it was Christmas or birthday or whatever. Simply because I love them all to bits and want to spend some time with them. It seems to have worked okay so far.

Jenty61 and Daisyboots - getting to actually see them could be stretching it a bit - the camera spent more time facing the ceiling or a blank wall - but yes, I do know what you mean, some sort of effort was made.

My orginal post was made at a moment when I was filled with much disappointment. That disappointment has been pushed into a corner and a lid put on it (even if the lid tries to pop up now and again).

A lot of good advice from many posters.