Losing confidence in driving

Where we live near the busy A46 and M40 drivers are pretty good about moving across, in plenty of time, as they approach a slip road to allow traffic to filter in.

I find drivers are usually good at moving across as well. Slip roads are well signposted for motorway drivers so there is plenty of time to move over and allow the traffic to join at a sensible speed.

If you are in the slow lane and you can't move over, reduce your speed and let one or two cars in. The others will hopefully receive the same consideration from the drivers behind you.

If you are on the slip road and the traffic has slowed right down to a crawl you just have to indicate and shove your way in.

I prefer to get out in the fast overtaking lane as soon as poss and stay away from all the mish-mash taking place on the left.

Better to stop if you have to on a slip road ( it could be that or death!)

I think this is a very good subject, I'm not a wildly confident driver, and I don't know if anyone else is like me, but whilst I drove my own children everywhere, I feel quite overwhelmed by the responsibility of driving grandchildren. I try to keep these journeys short.

Driving is very much about confidence, my older son drives up into central London on a daily basis, I confess this is something I have never done and am not likely to now. I think it's important to drive and wouldn't want to be without my car, but quite honestly I'd rather be driven, I consider my husband to be a very good driver and as he suffers from motion sickness when driven by others, if we are out together, then I'm happy to let him get on with it, as a rule we don't share the driving.

I would certainly consider a refresher course if I ever found myself in the position of being "main driver" faced with long journeys.

DD2 lives three hours away and when our first grandchild was born I realised I would have to be prepared to jump in the car and tackle the M11, M25 and M3 or miss out on seeing him. DH had always insisted on driving long journeys (man thing) so although I drove quite a lot I'd had very little experience on motorways.

I soon updated my car. Confidence builds if you have faith in your vehicle and enjoy driving it. I remember the first time I drove off the Queen Elizabeth Bridge (when it was a chuck it in the bucket toll) in that free for all to get into lanes and thinking, Wee Hee.....I've done it!!

The one thing I'm strict about now is not driving when I'm likely to get tired. We always leave before lunch and time it so we don't get stuck in rush hour traffic at the other end.

I used to drive when working - it was necessary and i never thought about it. When we retired i was okay until DH changed our car and i hated the new one with a vengeance and looked for excuses not to drive it. He tried gentle persuasion and failed. Then this year, he wasn't allowed to drive for six weeks so i was thrown in at the deep end. I had to bring him home from the hospital after surgery, from the other side of the city, in the rush hour, past four huge and very busy roundabouts. I was a nervous wreck when we got home. I managed to get us through the six months without any major mishaps, but i agree with those who say "use it or lose it". Before we had this car, i had a Jazz, which, when i sat in it, i felt i was almost a part of. I would take it anywhere and not give it a thought. I can't see us going back to one, as DH said it was too small for him, so i am in danger of becoming a permanent passenger for all but the shortest journeys. I'm a bit ashamed of myself really for being such a wimp.

Go for it, Anniebach ... get yourself something sleek, fast, in your favourite colour. I struggled for years with the colour, telling myself no, you can't have a red soft-top, it will look so flash.

Now I drive a red soft-top and the thing I love most is some little boy racer next to me in his souped-up Corsa, trying to keep up while I'm in the fast lane, and the look on his face when he sees a middle-aged woman at the wheel ... before she puts her foot down and he is just a little speck in the rear-view mirror.

Life is short, live it

You are funny older ! Have fun but do be careful

I too find most drivers will make room or move over to allow entry from the slip road , its all about driving confidently I can't remember any instance in 35yrs where I have had to stop in the slip road onto a motorway it really is very dangerous and that's all I'll say.

DD lives an hour away, hence the need to drive M4/M25. I, too, had lost a bit of confidence by only driving locally but now DCG have arrived I need to help out occasionally and want to see them. I decided to upgrade to a good quality car and felt a lot less like a 'little old granny' pootling along in an oldish car. It has worked a treat, I now drive more, feel more confident and don't exactly enjoy it but don't feel nearly so anxious. Recently volunteered to drive some girlfriends and was commented on being a good driver - v. chuffed. I've found by pushing myself to drive more my confidence has returned. I now insist on driving DHs car for a bit on long journeys too. Agree wholeheartedly that you use it or lose it!

The rules for dual carriageways allow for stopping on the slip road - that is not the case on a motorway slip road where it is illegal to stop - hence the problem.

Definitely true, DeeWhyO. It's like running, if you stop you'll seize up and will never run again.
The good quality car is essential, too - it's not about driving fast, it's about having the power to accelerate out of a tricky situation if you need to. It can make all the difference, also on slip roads.

There's a motorways merge bit on M60/M61 where I have to merge on to the fast lane. Hate it.

It has been interesting to read all the comments about confident driving. I am still driving at age 84 and it does not trouble me to drive on the motorways and do so regularly on the M6. I also hold a motor cycle licence to ride a bike up to 1000cc. It is sad to read so many people losing their confidence. I believe that if you tell your mind you are scared then you will be. Everything begins and ends in the MIND !

I am ok driving short distances to work etc but sometimes build myself into a bit of a state when having to do a longer journey especially motorway driving it's the getting on and coming off that scares me also over the last few years I find driving at night really difficult.

"shove your way in" - that sounds like a risky strategy merlot!!!

I think it is heartening to hear that so many people here have the wisdom to know their limitations. Hidge, the idea that it is all in the mind is not true! - our reaction times decrease as we age, as does the ability of our eyes to respond quickly to changing light (as in night driving when there are headlights approaching). I would rather be on the road with those who approach driving at our age with caution than with those who are gung-ho and "confident."

Being aware of limitations and driving with caution to take these into account is a wise thing and not a sign of lack of confidence.

We an take account of these by not using motorways at busy times and by driving with extra care at night. I think these are sensible precautions - the consequences of getting it wrong are so serious that it is foolish to brush them off.

I bought a Satnav so I could drive places .It gives me the confidence to drive to places I haven't been to before .I wouldn't be without it x

tanith as I said in a previous post when joining the M25 from the M11 when all lanes are nose to tail on the M25 there is often no choice but to stop in the slip road and wait for someone to make room for you, usually it's truckers who do.
Joining from the M26 on to M25 can be the same. At busy times there can be queues of 20 or so cars on the slip road.
Your very fortunate if you've never had to stop on a slip road.

Knowing your limitations and driving with caution is the right thing to do of course if you are having problems with physical ability. To put other road users in danger as well as yourself is of course the main consideration when driving and hopefully most people avoid doing it , so if you don't have confidence or the physical strengths to carry out certain things on a drive then don't do it.
Confidence is not a 'gung-ho' mentality it is having belief in ones ability to carry out manoeuvres on the highway safely without putting anyone at risk.

As soon as those abilities start to diminish we should all then adjust our driving accordingly.

Ninanana of course if there is a queue of traffic one has to join the queue in my previous post I of course meant if the slip road was clear sorry if it I mislead you.

I find little pleasure in driving, as has been said, there are so many idiots on the road. I have seen drivers in the car behind and in front talking on mobile phones, turning to talk to children in the back seat and so on and it scare the sh** out of me. Although I am not a slow driver, sometimes people sit on my tail at 60 mph on a single carriageway with no chance of overtaking. - when this happens I slow down to a crawl or keep tapping my brake lights until they decide I am an idiot and it is better to drop back! But yesterday I happened to drive out of town on a road I often use and there was little or no traffic, lovely scenery, fields of sheep, church spires, a soarkling reservoir, sun shining, blue sky, .... it was fantastic, I felt like Toad on the open road.

I live near the busiest section of the M6 - round Birmingham - and lots of the slip roads have traffic lights which are used at peak periods to allow traffic joining the motorway to queue safely - there's no question of not stopping if there's a red light ahead of you
I drive on motorways quite a lot (2 DC who live in diametrically opposed directions!) and find it fine - if tedious when traffic it is heavy and slows to a crawl for miles (can you tell that I was on the M40 on the 27th..?

I quite like it when traffic slows to a crawl - it feels human scale! Belting around at speed never did appeal to me.

I hate the mindset of many motorway drivers who just want to go as fast as possible and take extraordinary risks. They are the sort of people who will barge their way onwards when people are trying to get in a slip road.

Interestingly in France overtaking is not allowed shortly before and after a slip road where traffic is entering the motorway - that makes a lot of sense to me.

I understand your fears, Nankate. When I was in my forties my DH spent some time in hospital some 70 miles away. We had then been living in the countryside for ten years and I was out of practice with motorway driving. I had to take a very deep breath every time I entered a motorway, but had to persevere in order to visit him daily. Since then I have made a point of refreshing my motorway driving from time to time.

How about finding a driving instructor who would take you on a two-hour refresher? Or, the advanced driving course? Or, drive somewhere you've always wanted to visit that takes in some motorway driving.

Good luck!

My husband is a really good driver, he had to be for his job. I am never concerned when in the car with him.

As a non-driver, I am absolutely horrified at the risks people take on roads and motorways. Overtaking on blind bends and this kind of thing. I would not want the responsibility of driving my grandchild anywhere, I view most drivers on the road nowadays as complete nutters.