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Adoption

(32 Posts)
ninathenana Sun 03-Jan-16 16:39:53

nightowl explained like that it makes perfect sense.
I knew it was the right thing to tell the child they were "chosen" but I see now the reasoning behind the SS request, and I eat my words smile

Floradora9 Sun 03-Jan-16 16:29:22

Start now so that he will never know any other . Make up a story about how thay wanted a child but did not have any and how they were so lucky to be able to get this lovely child. I fostered for years and my daughter even when under two understood about birth mummies and chosed mummies.
Adopted children always remember how they loved to hear how they were the chosen one. Leave it too long and someone else will tell them and it is devastating .Even if you are the one telling them it is traumatic , children hate secrets kept from them.

nightowl Sun 03-Jan-16 16:26:38

Congratulations Hattiehelga on your fourth grandchild. I have professional experience of adoption, and can perhaps explain that the advice your DD has been given is based on the notion that adopted children should ideally not remember being told they were adopted, but should grow up feeling they had quite simply always known it. That way it never comes as a shock, or a secret, but is simply a part of their life story. It makes no difference to how much they are loved, or makes them any less a part of their family.

Enjoy every moment flowers

ninathenana Sun 03-Jan-16 16:20:36

I'm delighted for you and your family that this little one has found a home with you all.
I have no experience of adoption but personally I think two is too young to take it all in and that it would be best to wait a few years.

Anniebach Sun 03-Jan-16 16:17:26

Two is too young , they all need to settle as a family and can a two year old understand

DavidH22 Sun 03-Jan-16 16:09:05

I have an adopted granddaughter who will be five in April and who has been in our family since she was nine months old. She is very settled in a loving, caring home with my eldest son and his wife. They have always taken the view that they will tell her when they feel the time is right for her. I must say that for a child of two I would have thought it a little early no matter what the current thinking is.
As a family we have always avoided the subject in front of the child and my grandson but all the adults in the family know the view of my eldest son and his wife and accept that. Hope that helps a little.

Hattiehelga Sun 03-Jan-16 15:48:45

Finalisation of our daughter and son in laws' adoption of their now two year old Son happened in August after a long, long and traumatic process made more difficult than it should have been by incompetent Social Workers BUT ...that is a different story.

He is our lovely and lovable fourth grandchild, well settled, happy and confident and just a joy. My daughter tells me that they should now start talking to him about being adopted and about his birth parents. Apparently this is now the recommended way of making adopted children aware - recommended by the "authorities and experts". I am so worried that having settled and obviously feeling a proper family member, this could rock the boat at such an early stage of being with his forever family. We will never know what memories he has from his first nine months in foster care but hope they are diminishing. Surely, talking about adoption now could confuse and unsettle him. I have no experience of any of this and wonder if any Gransnetters have first hand or professional knowledge.