How do you fill your time?

We've moved five times since retirement and I've had to start afresh finding things to join and making new friends each time. The 'cliquey' feeling is prevalent in many, if not most, clubs and similar groups but I've found that if you stick it out and remain open and friendly, eventually you become accepted. It's good to remember that you will only be the newbie until someone else joins.

Maybe I am just lucky but I moved to a place where a lot of people move on retirement and so we are generally 'in comers' so things aren't cliquey.

If you think that MOnicas comments were over the top, I think it best that you don't venture out into the real world. You will find far more verbal robust people than her.

Look online street life in your area may have something you like

Thanks for keeping it going petra

There's so much lovely advice on here, thanks so much. I'm going to my local leisure centre today for a tour and to ask about some classes, so I'm making a start. Thanks again

Wow! There's energy for you! Respect.

I'm going to Tesco's. (when the world warms up a bit)

(I'm glad you got some sensible advice on here )

Well done for having the courage to share your difficulty. Having moved to a new city, I have found it quite hard to engage as everyone tells me how busy they are. U3A especially a reading group where there is something specific to talk about, adult education courses and voluntary work (adult literacy, english as a second language conversation club) have helped me settle in. I think I expected too much too fast but now in my second year, things are falling into place.
I'm not good at chat either but maybe there is Streetlife in your area. (see website and put in your post code). Various people organise local coffee get togethers and I want to steel myself to go as I could be mistaken about social groups......
Good luck

When I first retired I became a volunteer advisor for Citizen's Advice and I learned such a lot. However, after a couple of years our local Citizen's Advice Centre had to close due to lack of funding so now I do lots of on-line competitions and surveys. The points from the surveys I use for vouchers for high street shops and save them for Christmas. I don't win much on the competitions, but I live in hope - my goal is to win an all expenses paid holiday.

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Wow......so glad this topic was posted. I've been pondering this. Having worked full time from aged 16 to 58 it was a bit of a conumdrum to be retired. I also worked shifts as I was a police officer for 30 of those years. Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) means I have occasions when I hide in my shell, usually brought on by a stressful occasion.....still having downtime because of Christmas, an alcoholic family member, a funeral, and a problem hubby is having to deal with. It all gets a bit too much. However, I do what I can and signed up for a two year City and Guilds course in textiles...patchwork and quilting.....in my second year. I have met some wonderful people whilst doing this course. We meet fortnightly. I did try doing volunteer work but my PTSD got in the way. I've done loads of Amigurumi crochet creatures and have sold some but thought it would be a good idea to get ladies together to do these, and chat and then sell them for charity with yarn etc donated. I also get involved in Linus quilts as I can do this with a group or on my own. Aside from this it is sometimes a bit of a trial to move out of my very comfortable armchair and to get on with things. When the PTSD gives me a break I get a lot of things done. I have learnt that I need to 'go with the flow.' I've uploaded some of my crochet efforts and a lap quilt I recently quilted.

I too am a teacher who retired five years early due to stress and burnout. My husband is away working 12 hours a day and I am a quiet and reserved person who is not a natural joiner-in so I feel I have a bit in common with you.

I knew I would have to have some sort of structure to my day but didn't want to volunteer - despite being advised to by one and all.

I am happy enough doing house and garden tasks in the morning as I don't mind a degree of tedious ironing and cleaning type activities. I listen to Radio Four catch-up drama while I work and love this.

I spend some time online and send a monthly 'catch-up' letter to my friends as well as keeping myself informed about the world on various websites.

I also do quite a bit of cooking now and love this.

Every day, rain or shine, I go out for a longish walk of at least an hour's duration and watch how the seasons change in the countryside where I live.

My greatest blessing is that I now have time to read as much as I like. I sometimes read as I walk which is often commented on by passers-by.

I am extremely lucky to have some beautiful and interesting towns nearby as well as Cliveden whose gardens are free as I am a National Trust member and I can vary my walks according to opening times and the season of the year. Burnham Beeches is nearby so I can do a woodland walk when I want to.

I have afternoon tea with home made cake or scones at 3.30 which divides up my day.

However, I live a solitary existence and really look forward to my husband's return and to the weekends. By Thursday I am ready for company. Still, there is a difference between solitude and loneliness and I sometimes feel I am just hovering on the right side of this, especially as my teaching career was so gregarious.

Weekends are spent in company walking, pursuing cultural activities like visiting galleries or National Trust properties and seeing friends.

If I had one piece of advice it would be to find Radio Four's catch-up menu and start accumulating 'Favourites' on your own site to listen to at will. The menu is amazing.

I admit I haven't read absolutely every post so forgive me if I'm repetitive. I can empathise - being a little antisocial myself. I do play Bridge, though - which entails using the brain cells in a social situation with no small talk! And one never stops learning with Bridge - no two games are the same. (I'm with you - I find small talk can be very boring!!Though I do like a good meaty gossip now and then!)

I'm a school governor of a primary school, and now also Director of an Academy Trust, which is made up of 2 primary schools, and takes up a lot of time. Most local authorities know of schools looking for governors, especially ones who will take the job seriously. If you do the job properly it entails reading lots of documents, training, meetings and school visits. Governors who are working may find it hard to do all that is required ideally, so a retired person who will put in the effort is usually very welcome. It can be quite pressurised at times, as the Government seem to have put more and more responsibility onto Governors, and there's no pay! However, its intellectually challenging and rewarding to be doing something worthwhile; its also quite nice to relive one's early parenting days, and be invited to Nativity plays, Christmas lunch and other activities.If it interests you I'm happy to answer any questions.
Good luck anyway.

Libraries can have info on activities ..helped me when I retired and moved ..

Scrabble? Online so you can always play.

I enjoy NWR which is a national organisation for lively minded women. Check our their website. I needed something to give me a reason to get up in the morning and have just become a magistrate. That might also suit you if you want something with a challenge. Plenty of info online.

Wow what really great replies, thanks so much for sharing. I'm sifting through all these ideas and I'm sure there will be plenty for me to have a go at.

Can I just make a couple of points though? I don't think those of us who are quieter types are anti-social, we're just quieter. Anti-social has a completely different meaning for me.

I don't mind my own company, I'm contented in that respect, up to a point. I do like to keep busy though, so rather than being desperate to get out and meet people, I'm just as happy doing things at home.

Teacher11, I can relate very much to your post, thanks for the ideas and suggestions.

I joined what was then the NHR in the early 70s when it was an organisation run by and for young mums at home with the kids and not much stimulating conversation. Now it's the NWR and lots of us are retired from responsible jobs. We have discussions on interesting subjects, go as a group to local am dram productions (very good indeed) and have a spin-off book group. You can probably find out about local groups if you ask for info at your library - if you still have one. Unfortunately for you, Sadiesnan, each meeting usually ends with tea/coffee and cake - sorry!

NWR website here
I would recommend - it is what the group makes it.

I was also a teacher until last July when I sort of retired (not taking my pension yet) due to the stresses involved in education. I now volunteer with the Alzheimer's Society, at present befriending people in hospital and soon to be 1-1 in their homes. My mum had dementia and I had loads of support from the Alzheimer's Society and wanted to give some back. That makes me sound very noble, which I am definitely not. Talking with people who have dementia is demanding, but I really enjoy it. Their past lives can be so interesting - was talking with a teacher just today! Might be worth looking on their website. They welcome active people who are used to relating to others, which is what teachers definitely do - all types and in all situations. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and, for what it's worth, I am still finding it tough to adapt to not being in paid work, despite all the aggravations involved in that. I think it's the time of year, the level of light, etc.... etc.... The bit I do with the AS helps to motivate me, but on other days, it's difficult ... be better when the clocks go forward, I think!

PS I also agree with one of the other posts above, it's a case of trying something to see if it works for you. I also volunteered on the tea round at our local hospital, but that didn't work out; likewise joining a choir and U3A. Not my scene at all - I wanted to do something which was needed. Reading between the lines of your post, you do too! Best wishes with whatever you do.

Hi Sadiesman. I too am not good/comfortable doling small talk etc. It has taken me a long time to find something to enjoy. I now volunteer at our local community library. It's great - you can choose two hour or four hour shifts, and appeals to my 'neat' side, sorting and shelving books. It is also very pleasant to deal with all types of people over the counter. I'm hoping it is keeping my brain active.....just a thought. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I would say every U3A group is different - I have tried a few which didn't suit me but love a French conversation group I go to. I've also tried learning a new language at evening classes , part time teaching basic skills. & English as a foreign language (another retired teacher!) and I attend a village book group. With a friend I look after parish footpaths and did briefly join the local Ramblers. I go to Aquafit and also swimming at the local sports centre. What else? Well I'm in a local choir which I really enjoy and as I learnt the violin as a child I now play (badly) in a local amateur orchestra and also a string group both of which I love! My DH and I are also on the village hall committee and help organise village events. Then there's reading, walking, babysitting etc so I keep pretty busy. However it took a long time to find all these activities and I was at a bit of a loss at first - I started with just adult education teaching and choir and got into the others gradually.
Of course what suits one person will not suit another - for example I've never really been interested in gardening or cookery! Or any sport apart from swimming and walking. I'm sure that in time you will find things to suit you!

Future Learn - Open University
Get a dog
volunteer as a school Governor or other e.g. soup kitchen or charity shop
Water colour class - or other
Book Club
Walking club
Write your life story or some one else
Decorate your house
Make your own greetings cards/ Christmas cards
Take up photography
Join a historical society
Invite friends to lunch once a month - go to a different cafe each time
Grow your own vegetables/flowers
Make new cushions/curtains
Travel with others or as a single
Swim - get fit
Do something that scares you

I was a teacher and there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer in education, you get the lovely part with the children and not all the paperwork. I run workshops and sometimes do school assemblies for a charity.