How do you fill your time?

Oh yes, I did do art for quite a long time, classes and a group (until I realised that I would never be that good). Everyone is concentrating so there is not a lot of 'small talk', but it is very absorbing and enjoyable.

Your local U3A sounds just what you're looking for!
Book clubs, debating and all sorts of things...learning latin, theatre trips are some of the things we do!!
Before long you will be hoping for a rest!!!

I'm no good at small talk and find it hard to make friends - at the end of the day i am happy to stay at home reading or doing crosswords, soduko or wordwheels or reading news etc on my I-pad. I want to reach out and i make the effort (with my local U3A) but am always glad to get home and shut the door.
I would suggest some sort of physical activity for anyone who gets a bit down - i do linedancing, I love it and there is no time for or expectation of chatter! I am also in the process of becoming a Dementia friend who gives talks about how to help families affected, but have also started a part time job too and am struggling to fit it all in!

Thanks bikergran for the doit.co.uk website - hadn't heard of it before and altho not needing it at the mo I have bookmarked it for later in the year.

We are all so different (thankfully), I feel quite chilled about my free time but have friends who have to have every moment of every day planned in advance.

I work part-time so am used to having hours to fill, no doubt retiring after a full-time job takes a bit of getting used to.

Dear Sadiesnan I understand that you enjoy listening and can use a computer. You could volunteer to be a receptionist at any local voluntary agency which has one. Certainly the Citizens Advice Reception work is very interesting. Also as people are coming to the office with problems you are not involved in small talk. You help the client fill in a form, some of them are illiterate so you may need to be tactful and do it for the person, then you put the details on the database having agreed the next step with the client and office manager. If there are gaps between people you might brush up your expertise by consulting the CAB internet guide or you may wish to read a book you enjoy.

As a volunteer you have a lot of freedom within the role.

When I retired I decided to enjoy something quite different from my work experience. I took up belly dance classes and this year will go on holiday to Morocco with the Belly Dance Teacher and her group for the third time. She introduced me to Morocco, where I had relatives in the 1890's and I have done 2 other trips by myself linking in with organised holidays by Exodus and Skyros.

I have found that booking 2 holidays a year means that I always have something special to look forward to.

I also do Chinese Brush Painting and hope to travel to China with one of my teachers. There is so much to do and so many interesting people to meet. Small Talk is just a way of getting started to see if there are any mutual wavelengths. You may like to read this wikipedia article

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_talk

I am also going to a family history class this year so that I can leave my grandchildren a coherent account of our family over 5 generations.

Do hope you find things you enjoy doing very soon. Happy New Year.

I work full time. How can people afford to retire?

I paid into a pension scheme the whole of my working life oddbird

ON this-no problem!

Yes Sadiesnan I do have an idea for you.

1 There is no small talk

2 Gymnastics for the brain(so I was told)

3 Holidays, weekends away and cruises

What am I talking about? Bridge. I started to learn this game when I was 62 and its the best thing I have ever done. Its a game where talking isnt allowed in the game but believe me its where friendships are made( if you want to)

I joined the U3A(University of the third Age) If you google U3A and the area where you live, you will find a list of events ie walking National trust french spanish loads of things. For a fee of £10 per year!!! unbelievable value and the classes vary between £1 and £2. No exams just sheer enjoyment of learning something new. No you're never to old to learn.

Enjoy your retirement you have earnt it!!!

I live in Lutterworth and we have one if the best voluntary centres in the U.K. My husband drives one of the mini-buses and takes older people to lunch clubs, shopping trips, days out etc., He absolutely loves what he does so it's a win/win situation.
I belong to a scheme called 'library books at home' which helps people who are less able to continue borrowing library books. I am given a rough idea, initially, on the books they like and I take approximately 20 or so books for them to choose from. It's broadened my own reading choices and I have made some lovely new friends, albeit much older than myself, so it becomes a social thing as well.
Add to this grandchildren after school and staying over a couple of times a week, gardening, charity knitting in the winter, and cooking, which I love, there isn't really too many hours left in my week.

Don't despair, you will find something to suit you, but there is a lot of satisfaction in 'giving something back'.

Hi Sadiesnan
Haven't got time to scroll through all the responses so I don't know whether anyone has mention U3A. Personally l volunteer, secretary of the local festival, garden, allotment, sew, walk my dog, invite friends for supper & occasionally do a bit of housework; but everyone is different.
I also have twin gc, age 6, who come & stay We also have several book clubs in town & you may find one that suits you - you might even want to start one yourself! (We recently read The Miniaturist & went to Amsterdam for the day to look at where the book was set & see the miniature house that was featured - now in the Rijksmuseum)
I love being retired - I spent a long time in the NHS eventually in a senior & stressful position. I don't wake up every morning feeling 'I have to......' I do what I want to do & sometimes that is nothing but reading & I don't feel guilty about that. I hope you find something that works for you.

Hi Sadiesnan,
I really get you. I too am a very private person and have very few friends. I was a professional woman in my working life and like you, had a good education. Time can hang very heavily and it can be very lonely. My son's wife will not let my grandchildren come to see me because I have a dog so I don't see them or my son except for once a year obligatory Christmas visit, minus the dog of course. I too have looked at joining the U3A but am put off by it's structure. I am not sure about learning much from an amateur expert. Being old fashioned, I still prefer tutorial type learning. I do get in the garden when I can but having rotten arthritis, I am restricted a lot.
I do have a husband who has just retired, but although we are very close, he prefers to live his life independently mostly during the day.
I seem to have come to my own routine. I watch the TV news until 9.00am, and then get dressed etc. My next job is to check my computer and this can take up some time. Then I try to find a small outing to go on, the garden centre, my local village, and one day a week I visit a very elderly lady close by. Although she repeats her stories endlessly, I always enjoy seeing her and I know that she feels perked up by the time that I leave.
Do you live anywhere near me? I live in a small Derbyshire village. We could perhaps meet up some time? Alternatively, how about an email based chat on a fairly regular basis? That might be interesting?
Anyway, I have chatted enough. See how you feel and whatever you decide, I wish you well.
Cheers for now.

My retirement has not turned out as I wanted it to be! Due to my husband becoming more disabled we are not out and about as I thought we would be. I was eager to get involved with U3A, art clubs, walking, visiting towns we never had time to do when working.

However, I am never bored, fed up maybe but not fed up, I look after two facebook pages for local events, do my family history, enter competitions, jigsaws so much really. I definitely have one afternoon a fortnight volunteering at our local Tourist Information Centre. Plus watching catch up TV, have cups of tea when I want!

Also I make sure I go out once a week with one of my friends not for chats as that can be just sitting have a cup of tea. For three hours we go and do local walks, something that is different, what is on in the area, find the history of some local building etc.
All in all my retirement is quite busy.

Sadiesnan I don't find you negative, my views would be the same as you. I can't stand being around people with nothing I want to listen to, I need good debates and interesting people. If you enjoy reading a good book club might be ok. I have lots of friends but pick carefully who I spend time with. I have learned to love my own company and certainly solitude is better than being with people who bore me or that I have nothing in common with. Good luck and all that.

Walking groups are a good distraction - I have been all over the country on rambles, got involved organising them and learning how to use a GPS. Talking is optional - some days i say little and listen little other times i meet some very interesting people. Usually I am a chatterbox but you can wander off and listen to the birds, on a walk you are not restricted. When I retired I bought a campervan and found myself camping at New Year! That was a first and i went safe in the knowledge if I didn't want company i could stay in my own van.
My rambling group is www.disabledramblers.co.uk we welcome walkers of all ablities as sometimes we do need a little help.
I hope you find something that suits you.

I too had a full working life and when I retired I and my husband went away on lots of holidays however once the grandchildren came along we started to look after them to save on child care. Once they started school we did the school run and from doing this I started to go in to school to help the little one's with their reading. I have never done anything so rewarding and love going in and the children beg me to let them read. Give it a try it as given me a new purpose.

Not easy, but I think it's important to go on looking until you find something that you really feel a passion for. I suspect you'd be happier with something that you might take a class in or learn from an individual, but that you can do alone at home as well - eg playing a musical instrument, building a model railway, beekeeping. Not necessarily one of the above but just suggested to get ideas flowing, as they can all be done at whatever level you feel like and tend to attract people who don't necessarily want to 'be sociable' on the coffee-morning and chat level, and don't carry the obligation that you may feel something 'worthy' does. Good luck in finding something that you can really be obsessed with!

Citizens advice is always looking for volunteers .

Hi - can I make a suggestion too? We have volunteers and also paid wardens/guides here at Knebworth House. Great team of mostly retired people. Plenty of 'behind the scenes' things to do, and very flexible about hours. Some of the private Houses are worth approaching as well as the NT or Eng Heritage properties-you would be made very welcome!

I agree Sadiesnan. Did sound a bit harsh from Monica but sometimes people do come across as a bit bossy when trying to be helpful.
Like you I am not a sewing and craft sort of person. However I am enjoying learning Italian very much as it's so good to have the mental stimulation and I've now been to Italy and tried out my new 'skill' and felt like a proud child on a bike with stabilisers.
I also thought I needed to try to get fitter. Am a natural couch potato but enjoy going to Zumba once a week, also swimming and aquafit. I'm not 'good at' any of these things, far from it but I do find you get a bit of a lift, a seratonin boost or whatever from exercise.
I also do a little bit of teaching English to asylum seekers, I can't begin to tell you how rewarding this is.
We're all different and one person's hobby is another person's nightmare but perhaps it's just interesting to see what everyone's up to in the dark bits of January.
Looking forward to Spring though!
Best of luck.

I retired about three
years ago and I found the first couple of years really difficult but the I joined a choir and that was it, my life changed. If you like singing maybe this is an option for you. I was also introduced to SGI Buddhism which is wonderful. If you go on to the SGI website you will find a group in your locality and you will be welcomed with open arms. There are meetings to go to in each other's homes where some very interesting discussions take place. Please have a look. Becoming a Buddhist has been a real life changer for me.

Sorry, didn't realise there were 5 pages on this thread. My comment referred back to something on the first page which was all I'd read and perhaps wasn't very helpful.

I agree with you I thought MOnica was very rude. I have just gone back to Pilates after nearly a year away. The group I'm with I've known for yes.?1 lady talks from the moment she arrives untilvthevlesdon finishes! That's the reason I left. But I need to excercisevto make ME feel better. I'm going to try a new group in the WI nxt month. My hobbies include cooking dishes from different countries and I challenge myself every week!! I cook for our two adult children and their families too! Hope u find something you like soon.

Just incase others didn't know about these - while still working in my early 60's, I started to volunteer once a month for our local credit union. Ours is entirely volunteer run and there are a wide variety of jobs within it, from being at what we call the service points - where we meet our members and new people who want to join, to doing stuff at home on our computers, and answering the freephone to give support.
We are a virtual (not virtuous!) organisation so have no offices anywhere! And we always need more volunteers to allow us to expand.
Like Sadiesnan and others, I am not a chatty type and hate meetings. Much prefer to be doing something rather than talking about it. In our part of the country we have a volunteer opportunities web site but our library also has lists of local groups.
My husband is definitely not the coffee/chat type either but he tried a couple of different U3A groups before settling on the one he felt comfortable with and took up Russian ànd also helps with a history group.
There have been many helpful posts in the last few days so I won't repeat suggestions already made, but would add that if people can't be kind and helpful I'm not sure why they feel the need to add something at all.

Our estate has a choir, Young@Heart Singers, specifically originally part of our over-55s group, but all ages welcome, which forces us to breathe, gives us a social life and we entertain at local residential homes and luncheon clubs. All our members claimed initially that they can't sing, but are surprised at how good we sound - best of all, singing with a group produces endorphins. Think about it and enjoy your free time!