How do you fill your time?

Did you read her post NotTooOld? Let me help you out. I was asking for practical suggestions. I gave a little about my background, the fact that I'm not a big talker (that's just the way I am) and I get back from M0nica unhelpful suggestions such as:

"I am afraid, as you say, you are coming across as very negative, but any activity outside the home is going to require some effort on your part. No activity is going to come to your door and welcome you unless you are prepared to come forward and be welcoming to it. You need to start thinking about things you would like to do."

Well yes, I am thinking about things I want to do and posting on here was a plea for some helpful suggestions from other Grans.

"You seem obsessed by not being good at small talk, but casual conversation among members of an organisation is the oil that helps it operate well. Going to a coffee morning doesn't mean you have to talk the whole time, many people rather enjoy having a listener. Just being there means that people get used to having you around and begin to see you as part of the group."

Obsessed is a tad cheeky, don't you think? I'm not really a group person, that's a fact I know about myself and after being here for 61 years I think I have a bit of a clue. Yet M0nica seems to think I should get out there and join some sort of coffee morning group think. How condescending does a post need to be?

"I assume you worked as a teacher. Did you really go through your whole teaching career without ever exchanging any words with colleagues and pupils that was not directly work related or meaningful?"

Again, how condescending is that?

Anyway, I've had some lovely responses from everyone else. I was irritated by M0nica, but I guess that's just how she is, bless.

Referring to MOnica's post of 10/1, I really can't see it deserves the negative comments that some gave it. It seems like a measured response to the OP and no reason for either the OP or anyone else to get upset. Let's keep things real.

I thought over two options - Magistrate or CAB adviser. I chose the latter and spent eleven years helping people to make decisions, claim benefits, make consumer complaints... and so on. The training was very thorough. You are never expected to know all the answers, but to know where and how to find them. Colleagues were helpful and tolerant. I only did a day a week but had plenty of other things to keep my occupied, like U3A and NWR. I recommend CAB!

' but most of the role is listening and being impartial'

Sorry

When I retired nine years ago I became a Magistrate. I had to retire early due to ill health but most of the role is listening and having and being impartial. It can take you up until you're seventy when you have to retire. It's very interesting and rewarding. I used to sit for full days usually 9:30 am to around 4:30 pm maybe once or twice a week. This gives you time for other things. I applied for an application for from my local court.

Sympathy, Sadiesnan. It's not easy at first, especially for those of us who are not as sociable as others. But there is a lot of stuff out there and it takes a bit of effort to find out what suits.
There are lots of good suggestions above, and I wish you all the best in finding which is best for you.

Ps without the bikes, though, as last time I tried it I went over the handlebars

If you don't fancy WI or Townswomens Guild (which I can heartily recommend, you can just join, listen to an interesting speaker and chit chat as much or as little as you like, go on theatre and other trips etc, join the committe or not) - how about the National Women's Register? They take it turns to research a topic thoroughly then present it at the next meeting, then everyone discusses it.

Our U3A doesn't seem to spend time chatting and having coffee, there are all kinds of classes and activities organised and, of course, they look for people to run the classes.
A friend used to run literacy classes for adults who are unable to read and write (not through U3A).
Look on it as 'what have I got to offer the community' rather than 'how can I fill my time'!

(That sounds very laudable, but I tend to jinglebellsfrocks' philosophy, ! But I always seem to be busy too)

Oh, Sadiesnan, what a shame. All the other posts were positive ones, so don't let the one rather critical one get you down. I agree - when I read it I felt it was a bit harsh; you were, after all, asking for constructive help. Do give some thought to the ideas offered. The volunteering suggestion seems like a good idea, and if you are into fitness, joining a gym or a walking group would be good. You can interact as much or little as you like. Please do get back to us and let us know if you have found something that interests you.

MOnica, I think you should take your comments and shove 'em where the sun don't shine.

That was to monica btw

You actually e-mailed her? Respect! Pure dedication to control freakery helpfulness.

You have my sympathy Sadiesnan. I went through a similar period after I retired in 2003 and felt a mixture of pointlessness and sadness that I was no longer contributing to life. I do agree that it is better to have a good think about what to do next.

Eventually, after trying volunteering in different capacities I decided that really I needed something for me after a lifetime of voluntary work in addition to my career and raising a family.

So I joined a choir and absolutely love that. You meet many others from different backgrounds. You don't have to do a lot of chit-chat as mostly you are trying to learn and sing new material and it's also very good for your health.You do not have to be a good singer and there are no auditions in my choir.

I also joined the WI, which I heartily recommend. I eventually found myself on the committee and for the past two years have been president of my local Institute. Again this is great fun with a variety of speakers. activities and opportunities. You can make new friends on as close a basis as suits you. It has been a life-saver for many lonely ladies.

It is lovely having time to read, catch up on TV programmes you have recorded and can then watch at your leisure, enjoy the freedom to take advantage of a lovely day for an ad hoc outing. Like many others, I often wonder how I found time to work.

Good luck and I hope you find as much satisfaction in your "golden years" as I have done.

Sadiesnan I am rather glad my email annoyed you. It is the grit in the oyster that forms the pearl.

Whenever I am being negative and turning down all helpful suggestions, it is the irritating person (usually DD) who tells me to get over myself and either accept one of the suggestions, find one of my own or just stop complaining that is most like me to shake me out of my negativity and make me take some action.

You can always turn out the odd cupboard or two, if you can find the time. Or you could even clean a window.

Don't get up too early!!!

I get up at 9-ish. Follow with a leisurely brekker. Follow that with a leisurely bath. Follow that with a leisurely bit ofGransnetting housework, and Bingo! Lunchtime.

A walk or shopping trip by bike in pm. Then reading until way past time to rustle up some dinner.

Quite often a sesh on the exercise bike takes place between brekker and bath.

Where's the problem? Make life a breeze man.

Could you teach English as a second language Sadiesnan? There's usually a great demand for this in free classes run by charities.
It sounds to me as though you're looking for a focus , is that right? I fill my time by teaching English (as above), running a small homelessness charity, visiting a couple of local nursing homes and managing a houseful of guests/lodgers. And of course there are children, grandchildren and aged parents to mop up any spare time. This week I'm on jury service and there are signs in the jury room asking for people to consider becoming magistrates. When I can I also take part in free online courses by Coursera and the like. I hope you find something suitable and you'll come back and tell us.
In my case it's a case of too much to do and too little time!

With an educational background you would certainly be an asset on any parent teacher group - people who do not have children at the school are always in short supply and especially valuable as you bring a much broader view to the table.

Also if you have any pre schools in your area , they would bite your arm off for your background and potential organisational skills. For instance at my grandsons preschool , they are a charity run organisation, lost of willing young mums who couldn't organise their way out of a paper bag( and they wouldn't mind me saying so !!) . In desperate need of funds, the ladies who run it are fabulous at what they do but no business sense.

I am a member of the committee bringing a wealth of business experience and event management and suddenly we are actually making money.

Would something like that appeal. Not to much chit chat, all very focussed, one meeting a term and the rest is done from home.

I do hope you find the structure you're looking for , but maybe sometimes a little quiet , unbusy time is what you need too after a lifetime of busy .

Someone told me to think of retirement a bit like when you were younger and contemplating what to do for a course or a job - there's so many things out there and you can't do everything. You now have the opportunity to try a few new things you've never had time for. You might not like everything you try but you might find something you really enjoy.

Perhaps you could extend your walking to joining a local group, or the Ramblers, who often welcome dogs as long as on a lead. I am not a great talker either and find that while walking I can choose whether to chat or listen, and change my position in the group if I find myself near a bore!
I hope you find something to suit. It may be that when the Spring comes you will feel better anyway, I hope so.

Thanks Maime, very understanding post.

It took me quite a few years to get used to it! I think it is fine to feel a bit down about it, to be a bit bored, to take your time. The only thing I think is essential is to keep physically fit and get out in the fresh air every day. There were days when my daily walk was the only thing that kept me sane (I was struggling with a very difficult menopause too). I certainly don't think rushing out to find things to fill the time is a good idea - I am all for a bit of reflection!
It is a big life change after a career.

There's some really great ideas here, thanks very much. I'm definitely going to join up at the local gym/pool and try Aqua fit, that really appeals to me. The advice to have structure to my week is a good one and l'll have a look at that. I already walk a fair bit, I have a dog and I have my son's dog several times a week. I also do a bit of childcare, I have my grandson coming on Wednesday.

I think that after having a very busy life, I struggle a bit with finding things to do rather than planning my day to fit everything in. It's a transition that I am finding difficult.

Oh dear! I so need to get my arse in gear and do something practical although I don't ever feel bored. I think my get up and go has got up and gone.
Maybe I am not so bad.
Two choirs, a knitting club where I am a sleeping partner at present. I am hoping my arms will improve.

A U3A play reading group. That is four days of the week and visits to the DGS's roughly fortnightly not to mention my Garden.
Not much housekeeping though.

I started getting out and about by joining a gym and starting Pilates and yoga, I was rubbish at first but now I'm much fitter. I also do a college course one day a week doing pattern cutting and dressmaking. You might find something creative that appeals, it doesn't have to be crafty -languages, dancing, improve your IT, volunteering in a museum or library, meet up,with friends, walking etc. As others have said its good to have some structure to your week , otherwise everyday seems the same.