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Toddler tantrums

(11 Posts)
Deedaa Sun 24-Jan-16 23:21:40

Cutting toast wrong and the wrong clothes are absolutely classic tantrum triggers for a three year old grin Look at it from her point of view - why on earth would her parents want another baby when they've already got her? Obviously they must prefer babies so she needs to be as attention grabbing as the baby. Hopefully lots of praise for being so grown up and helpful will get her past this stage and of course the baby will soon be a more interesting person to play with.

hildajenniJ Sun 24-Jan-16 20:09:54

Apparently, when I was three and I had a new baby sister, I told my mother that she didn't love me any more. She was mortified.

Jalima Sun 24-Jan-16 19:49:27

Yes, it is probably the new baby. They need to spend some time with her without the baby if possible, and to get her to help with 'her new baby', fetching things for mummy and being the best little girl in the world.

It is amazing that DGD2 survived all the kisses smothering bestowed on her by DGD1 but she is fine!

Someone on another thread mentioned the word 'threenager' which I thought was very apt for that age. The thunderous threes can be worse than the terrible twos. Sorry!

Saxifrage Sun 24-Jan-16 18:40:48

Thank you all so much for speedy replies and general consensus. I had said something similar to my son earlier. I felt quite upset because I believe they have been particularly devoted and conscientious parents. DGD is being particularly nasty to my son. On Friday DIL spent the afternoon at my house with both children, all was well and happy and then my son turned up to drive them home and DGD got very angry and virtually attacked him. Poor chap, he was upset.

Ana Sun 24-Jan-16 18:03:52

There was a recent similar thread, although it was about a little boy who was playing up at nursery - his mum had just had another baby too.

At that age they don't know how to deal with the mixed feelings they have about the new addition to the family and I agree that ignoring the tantrums and praising helpful behaviour seems to be the way to go.

It would probably help if your DIL could try to spend time with the little girl without baby - perhaps you could offer to look after the baby sometimes to free her up for this?

Anya Sun 24-Jan-16 17:54:47

Sounds like we're all singing off the same song sheet!

Daddima Sun 24-Jan-16 17:39:27

Children want attention, and any attention is better than none. Give loads of attention and praise for good behaviour, remembering to say exactly what the good behaviour was, like " Oh, look, you've picked up all your toys, thank you for that, you 're a great help to mummy"

Difficult as it may be, ignore the behaviour you don't like ( unless it's dangerous)

mumofmadboys Sun 24-Jan-16 17:35:54

I think it helps to ignore the tantrum as much as possible and give extra attention when the child is well behaved. Perhaps the parents have tried this already. It will pass!!

Anya Sun 24-Jan-16 17:35:18

If tantrums can be anticipated and avoided that's always a start, perhaps by distraction. But if not then ignore her during a strop and reward 'good' behaviour with extra smiles, cuddles, comments?

rosesarered Sun 24-Jan-16 17:11:42

All to do with the new baby, yes? so, make her feel special and very wanted.
Sometimes toddlers get overlooked by a new baby, and it's natural for them to feel threatened by this situation.maybe not coo over the baby, who won't notice anyway, and give extra praise to the 3 year old.

Saxifrage Sun 24-Jan-16 17:03:07

My DGD is now 3, I babysit her one day a week and have done since she was one and my DIL went back to work full time. My son then did a three day week for a time and she has had 2 days a week in nursery for most of her second year, she seems happy in nursery which is a very good one. The problem is that baby number 2 was born a couple of months ago. Ostensibly she seems to welcome the new arrival, but always wants to smother her with kisses.
However she is having worse and worse tantrums, the main problems are Monday and Friday when she is with my DIL or the weekends when she is with both her parents. With me she may have the occasional strop but nothing too serious and we gather it is fine at nursery. I realise that tantrums are normal with 3 year olds but these seem excessive and she will sometimes scream for a very long time, it generally starts with the most minor problem eg toast cut up wrong or wrong clothes offered. Many different tactics have been tried to distract her. When not in a tantrum she seems an extremely bright happy articulate toddler.

Any suggestions?