To all grandparents, from a recently bereaved granddaughter

Berley Get back on to Age UK if you haven't heard anything, just remind them that you are there. It's something I have learned as I have got older, to keep on at people, in a nice way, then things tend to get done.

Let us know how you get on.

Berley, take a day at a time. I totally agree with what has been said in previous posts. We love our granchildren unconditionally, so your company was granma's pleasure. She would be proud of you. Take care.

I can see that you might not want to develop a close attachment with an elderly person at the moment; but maybe you could do some fundraising for Age Concern, or Silverline. Or become part of a voluntary transport scheme (if you drive), which help people to get to the hospital/doctor/social club etc.

Thank you both very much for your responses.

I registered my interest in volunteering for Age UK a couple of weeks before my Grandma passed away, and though I have/was chasing and being told "someone would get back to me in due course", it's been over a month now and I've not heard anything. I totally understand the importance of CRB checks (and have had many done in the past prior to other voluntary work I've undertaken), but I thought I would attempt to 'cut out the middle man' if you like so as not to be waiting another X months before I am able to start.

As much as I would love to partake in the befriending aspect (and what I had initially signed up with Age UK wanting to do), I feel as though it's both not right and that I'm not ready to start developing any attachments - as I'm the sort of person that would! - with other older people just yet, hence looking for more practical ways I can prove helpful without getting too involved emotionally.

I will continue to hold out for a response from Age UK, but if anyone does have other suggestions in the meantime I'd love to hear them.

What a lovely young woman you are and your gran was very lucky to have you. Like Luckygril says, the first port of call would probably be to a nursing home or care home or Age Uk to see if you could do any voluntary work. There is always the befriending service too, look it up in your area. With that you go into people's homes and sit and chat with them. If you want more like the financial aspect then it may be Age Uk who can show you the way. Or look up financial help for the aged. (If that is pc, if not, sorry). Have a look too on Martin Lewis's site, there might be a link there or something that corresponds to older people.

You know, I do firmly believe that certain situations are sent to certain people who can deal with them and go on and make a difference to others, just like you want to out of losing your dear gran. Post on here all you want if it is going to help you. Good luck, it is lovely to hear from a nice young woman.

How lovely that you were able to make these service books - your gift to your grandma to send her on her way with your love.

It might be worth getting in touch with your local Age UK as they are likely to know who needs visiting or small acts of kindness to improve their lives. Or you could get in touch with a local residential home and see if there is anyone there who might like you to go and read to them or just to be there to chat. You will need to be checked for your criminal history (or I hope lack of it!) before they would let you start; but it would be a lovely legacy for your gran.

I hope you are all well this afternoon.

Yesterday was probably the hardest day of my life; knowing that I was holding her hand and kissing her for the very last time was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. I felt lost at the wake; it was missing her, and having spent all of my free time in the last week tirelessly making these beautiful service books, I felt even more lost when I got home and suddenly had nothing to do anymore.

As I was getting ready for the funeral, I began thinking about how my Grandad was always the one to manage the finances and such between the two of them, and so when he passed away my family stepped in to help her. She was still bombarded by dodgy sales calls and scam mail (which she sadly responded to), and with hearing on the news the other day the accusations that Age UK have been bribed by energy companies to give bad advice, it made me sad that older, vulnerable people are targeted by awful people.

I mean this not in a patronising way at all, but as I cannot help my Grandma anymore, I felt it would be nice to see if there was anything I could do for others that they might benefit from some advice or assistance with? Be it resources for saving money, helping write a letter about a consumer issue, etc; the sort of things that might seem a bit overwhelming for someone not familiar with whatever it is. And of course, something I could do remotely.

It may be better for me to start a new thread in case this post gets a little lost.

I'm so so sorry for your loss Berley. I'm sure there is no doubt that your Grandmother absolutely knew how much you loved her.
If my own grandchildren grow to be anywhere near as thoughtful and considerate as you seem to be, then I will consider myself to be one very lucky Gran indeed!

Berley - you and your Grandma sound like two very special people. How fortunate you were to have each other. Your post had me in tears.
Grandma wouldn't want you to be sad. Remember the happy times. X

You must of had a wonderful relationship with your gran and by the sound of your post a very thoughtful granddaughter I'm sure she knew how loved she was ,a grandmother just knows it's a special unconditional love.

Berly, please do not be so hard on yourself. As many have said your grandmother knew how much you loved her and she will wish you to enjoy and live your life in her memory. Thank you for sharing. Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

Berley - firstly, what a beautiful, caring grand-daughter you sound. Your gran would certainly have known this.
It seems to me that you had an amazing and precious relationship with your Gran - such love would definitely be reciprocated ?
I adored my maternal Grandmother who passed away when I was just 13 years old - but, even now at nearly 65 - she is often with me.
Your Gran will have known just how much you loved her and would want you to take that love into your future?❤️?

Hi Barley
I was so touched by your post. It is lovely to see a grand daughter with the courage to speak out about their love for a grandparent. Most young people would not show such emotion.
I am a grandmother now. I still recall vividly the days that I lost my grandmother. I was a child when one grandmother died so I was not allowed to make any decisions. When my other grandmother died I was with her and I am so sure that she knew I was there. She was unconscious due to medications, there was no dementia. I arranged the death certificate and part of the funeral and was glad to be able to do her final things on her behalf.
I have grandchildren now from teenage to toddler. I have always tried to ensure that they know I love them. I think they love me. They are so special to me. I can have fun with them that I maybe could not have with my children as I had more serious stuff than fun stuff to deal with. I am useless with their computer and games stuff but they are happy to do old fashioned things with me.
I can think of no better obituary for your grandmother than your very obvious love for her which I am sure was mutual.
SPF

If it's anything like the relationship I have with my granddaughter, your grandmother will have treasured each of the times you spent together and they would have been part of what she was (if that makes sense). I know my granddaughter is going to grow away from me in one way as life is so exciting for a teenager but I value each moment she has added to my life and the bond can never be broken.

Berley - I do hope that Monday's funeral will be a fitting tribute to the grandmother whom you loved so much.

One thing that I can say for sure is that grandmothers love their grandchildren with a very special love and that all we want is for them to be happy and to grow up to be decent citizens. Do that for her. I know you will.

Every single one of your responses here have made me cry, but I thank you all for that because I hope more than anything that you are all right.

Since she has arrived back to a local funeral home, I have been to sit with her everyday and hold her hand. The funeral is on Monday so I will see her that morning for one final goodbye.

I really appreciate everything everyone has said, it means a lot.

Berly. I am so sorry for your loss and I know how that feels. Grief shows itself to us in a few stages and Im sure that you can find some help on the internet. It may help you to understand your feelings as they change. It does no harm to cry and talk about your feelings or even to write them down. Please look after yourself and keep in touch with us all here.
xx

of course your grandmother would always know you loved her. But you lost her for many years to dementia and you did so well to keep in touch. She is out of that terrible illness now and do not forget a part of her lives on in you as you have inherited her goodness. Grief plays tricks and part of grief we always ask could I have done more? with the passage of time you will realize that you had a close bond that both of you gained from. Those raw emotional feelings will pass and you look after yourself that is what every grandmother would want xxxxxx

Sorry for your loss, Barley. I'm sure your grandma knew how much you loved her and you have done far more than most grandchildren I know. The thing is, with dementia, if you had gone to see her every day until she died she wouldn't have remembered. I would go to see my mum and she would say to somebody the next day that she hadn't seen me for weeks. You obviously had a lovely, close relationship with her before she had dementia so try to focus on that.

Berley,you are a lovely,thoughtful,caring person.I am so sorry to hear of your loss-grandmothers tend to hold a very special place in your heart.
My own gran died 37 years ago,when I was pregnant with my daughter.She had told me that I would have a girl and I was sad that she never got to meet her.We were very close,she lived with us and was always there for me,even during those difficult teenage years.
My gran was physically ill but had no dementia thankfully.Her last words to me were "I've had a hard life but a happy one and I'm ready for my resting place."
She did indeed have a hard life in the valleys of South Wales,brought up in a small mining community.Her husband had dementia for some years and she looked after him within our family,until he died of a stroke,tragically young.I know that she and my grandad loved each other very much.
I now have 3 grandchildren aged 17,15 and 7.Even though the older two are now becoming more independent and I see them less often,I know that they love me.The youngest is still at the age where he loves a cuddle with grandma and I am sure I will miss this as he grows up.But I know he loves me too.
My gran would want me to remember her as the happy,loving person that she was-the good times that we had together,of which there were many.So please remember the good times with your gran,before she had dementia.She will have known how much you loved her.
I'm sure she would want you to have a happy and fulfilling life.You will never forget her,she will always be there in your heart and memories.Be thankful that you had such a wonderful grandmother and when you achieve anything,no matter how small,have a smile to yourself and think "grandma would be so proud."Because she would have been.
Hope you have happier times ahead,best wishes for your future. xx

Berley, what a wonderful granddaughter you are.

I am sure your grandma realized this up until she died and she will continue to be in your heart with all the wonderful memories you seem to have had with both your grandparents.
I hope my four and half year old granddaughter, that I look after every day from school until her parents return, will think the same when she is older.

Your grandma has had her life so now she would want you to make the most of your life.

x o

Dear Berley, your post brought a lump to my throat. What a lovely person you are - you can rest assured that your Grandma knew - as so many others here have said, as we get older we can see and appreciate so much more than we did when we ourselves were young.

Your Grandma is wonderful and lovely part of you and you of her...nothing changes that. When someone very close, whom we love dearly, dies, we often feel regrets that we may not have done or said as much as we could to demonstrate our love and care. We agonise about things which we perceive as not said, not done. It is quite usual to feel this way....grief has so many different faces. After the long and close relationship that you had with your Grandma, that deep love you felt for one another is woven into a tapestry of both your lives - a warm and loving thread which started when you were born - maybe even before - and that thread isn't broken now... your Grandma may not be here, but that strong, unbreakable thread, still is. She knew for sure, Berley, because you are part of her and she of you, she watched you blossom and grow into the lovely person you are She will have been so proud and happy to know that you were living your life, getting on, doing things. She didn't need you to always be there in person, to know that you adored her. When her mind finally let her down, despite all that pain for all of you, in her heart would have been that unbreakable golden thread which led to you and still does. She knew, don't ever doubt it. Wishing you happier days ahead, with many, many lovely memories to treasure. xxxx

Berley please don't apologise for expressing your grief. You describe a wonderful, unique and so special relationship and as others have said your grandmother would have felt the love you shared. Be kind to yourself now.

My thoughts are with you, so sorry you are feeling this way. Totally agree with morethan2 comments it is part of the grieving process. I went through exactly the same as you are going through when I lost both my parents.Its natural to think/ feel you could have done or said more. You had a special bond and she would have treasured that till the end. Those feelings will start to fade and you will then grieve for her without the guilty thoughts.

Beautifully put, morethan2, we grandmas Do understand. We been through all the stages and appreciate changes happen. Having said that, the odd hug or call is wonderful.