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Over eager ?

(15 Posts)
Opelessgran15 Mon 21-Mar-16 10:48:58

I look after my grandson once a week, but rarely see him at weekends or other times since his mum , my DIL,returned to work. I often offer to have him if they want to pop out at weekends, or have a night out, but they tend to ask my DIL' s mum more, natural she is closer to her mum ( gritted teeth, read it many times on forums, MIL vs Mother). Anyway, DIL is having a night out, and mentioned a while ago " she might need me" as my son is working away for a few days. I don't know whether or not to mention it again as the date is coming up soon, and I need to make arrangements as it will be overnight(i.e my place/ theirs/ time/ overnight etc). I have also realised that the nursery my DGS attends will be shut for a few days over Easter, one of which is the day in question. I assume my son and DIL realise this, but do I offer to have DGS now ( I usually offer by text as difficult for me to get to speak to DIL due to her job, though I know she speaks to her mum regularly in the day), or do I wait for her to contact me? Reading back through this, I think I sound a bit pathetic and whiney, but I stepped on DIL's toes very recently, over a family occasion, and was firmly and unkindly put in my place it seemed to me, so kI feel a bit 'stepping on eggshells' at the moment. So my question to other gransnetters is : do I offer/ remind, or wait to be asked?

Bellanonna Mon 21-Mar-16 10:58:19

I think you need to remind, by asking if it's still on. And of course that you've been looking forward to it. Maybe she's just assumed that she's asked and you've said yes, but I would need to know whether I was expected to go over there, have him at yours etc. You say she said she only "might" need you, but if she no longer does then she should have told you. Best of luck with it. Do let us know.

Pippa000 Mon 21-Mar-16 11:03:24

Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. It is difficult treading on egg shells, they break very easily. you want to be helpful but not interfering. As I see it, you can phone/text your DiL and ask if you will be needed, as you realise that it is the holidays/ her night out and you would need to be prepared, if DGS is staying overnight. Or speak to your son if that is easier. Leaving it to DiL may give her the impression you are sulking over the way you were spoken to. However what ever you do may be taken out of context. Lets face it some times we grandparents can't win however much we try. flowers

tanith Mon 21-Mar-16 11:21:23

Keep it simple and just a short 'do you still need me?' text/call.

NanaandGrampy Mon 21-Mar-16 11:45:45

I think if it was me I'd send a quick text and say - such and such date is coming up ,Im hoping you still need me to babysit? I noticed it was half term - would it make it easier for you if I had him from xxx to xxx? Just let me know , Im looking forward to it.

and see what she says?

Luckygirl Mon 21-Mar-16 11:49:33

"Do you still need me? - I am free and happy to help" - or it sounds as though you have something else to do and want to know if your dairy is clear for that day.

grannylyn65 Mon 21-Mar-16 12:00:58

Don't do what I did in response to question over whether was having childern, replied 'What Children!!'

Opelessgran15 Mon 21-Mar-16 13:46:03

Thanks to all for your responses and grannylyn65, I had to laugh! I text DIL after reading your responses, and had a very nice and almost immediate text back, saying yes she did still need me if that was ok, and had only realised over the weekend that nursery would be closed, and was trying to get time off work etc ( it's a fairly recent return to work, first hols encountered).Could I pencil in part of the day if that was ok, and have a chat about both later? Phew! I had got myself into a bit of a 2 n 8 about it, but it's better to be amicable and sort these things if you can,you all seem to agree? Hard to pin son down, and he doesn't make definite arrangements before speaking to DIL , and quite right, she is his wife. Feeling better about things, and I did use ' do you still need me, happy to help' in my text. Like old age, being a gran is not all I thought it would be......!!

pensionpat Mon 21-Mar-16 14:13:39

It doesn't hurt for our families to know that we have a life of our own too. Although I would drop anything except hospital visit to help them. And they know it! My DDiL always seems careful about asking. But my son doesn't. He knows he can rely on us. So sometimes I suppose our DDiLs tread on eggshells too.

Anya Mon 21-Mar-16 14:32:18

Totally agree with Tanith - keep it simple 'do you still need me?' And if the answer is 'no' then reply 'no problem smile'

That's what I do anyway. Though often it's the other way round - I've forgotten I'm having the little dears until I get a text from one or the other saying 'you still on for Saturday?' blush

Anya Mon 21-Mar-16 14:33:22

Sorry ....missed your post opeless (it as on next page)

Anya Mon 21-Mar-16 14:34:18

Glad it's all sorted.

Bellanonna Mon 21-Mar-16 16:40:38

That's so good opeless. Enjoy the time with your GS !

cornergran Tue 22-Mar-16 07:40:26

So familiar Opeless. That's my tactic now and it works most of the time. Have concluded the eggshells are shared with DDIL and just make it as easy for us both as I can. Pleased it worked out, have fun.

grannylyn65 Tue 29-Mar-16 16:38:14

My DDIL knows me only too well and always confirms arrangements!!!!