Mum wants to be in delivery room

That is brilliant Alea
Many congratulations on your new GC

There is a story told by a farming cousin about a mate of his, also a farmer whose wife went into hospital to have their first baby. Unlike Dads of today he was fairly ambivalent about being present at the birth and had also been at enough lambings and calvings to satisfy anybody. - or so he thought. . The sister had other ideas "Come along Mr Mac****, you must be with your wife, this will be the most wonderful experience of your life"
It was getting tricky, so he had to don a gown, cap and mask and was bustled protesting into the delivery room. Baby was born but he still held back.
Eventually the sister turned to him and said "Well, aren't you glad you were present after all? Isn't that just a bonny baby?"

"Aye" came the laconic Ayrshire reply, "But that's no' MY wife!"

Glad this was resolved so easily, almosthere!

Congrats on your coming baby and best wishes!

I believe that the mother to be should choose who should be her birthing partner. I have been at the labours of all my grandchildren and the births of 3 but only because that is what my DDs wanted. 2 of the births were because there was no father around.

One advantage of having 2 birth partners is that when there is a long labour, each birth partner can relieve the other and the labouring mum is not left alone. SILs both said they were glad to have me there, especially the first time when they were unsure of what was going on.

Glad this has been resolved happily almostthere

Good to know it is sorted almostthere. I think there is no right way, only what suits the woman giving birth.

DD's MIL had planned to be at the birth of DD's first baby, no asking if it was okay. DD said sorry no, not even my mother will be there. There was no chance of that I have a weak stomach.

Last year my niece who says she is my third daughter asked me to be at the birth of her third baby. She had no one as her marriage had broken up and she has no contact with her own mother. It was a dilemma for me, I really would find it difficult but I would have done so if she had no one else. Sadly DN had a miscarriage.

I had my first 3 in hospital, 52, 51, and 49 years ago, and husbands, nay, anybody, were not welcomed in the delivery room, just medical staff. When I was expecting baby number 4, I was having the baby at home, as was my friend and neighbour, and she asked me to be at her baby`s birth. I was thrilled to be asked, but sadly it didn`t happen, as she was taken to hospital at the last minute. However, when my baby decided to put in an appearance, she was there with me, as was my husband, but no way would I have wanted my mother to be there, and I`m pretty sure she wouldn`t even have considered it. I had baby 5 at home, again with hubby present, the other kids slept through it all!

No fathers allowed when I gave birth to my first in hospital, I had the second at home and the midwife asked DH if he wanted to watch, no.

Fast forward to 2012 and the arrival of my twin grandsons....My DIL asked me if I would like to be present at the birth. You bet I did!

I was happy to just have a midwife plus husband present for the birth of DD 34 years ago. DS was born 4 yrs earlier with what seemed to me at the time an embarrassingly large audience but no husband, he was banned apparently. Don't think I would have wanted any other family members about.
My father was forced upstairs to assist a very progressive midwife when I was born at home 65 years ago. It was unheard of in those days for a father to be present at the birth of his child. He found it a truly moving experience or so he told me. Mind you, mum told me that they always wanted 4 children but my arrival put dad off that idea! ?

I would not have wanted my mother there, the best person is her partner. I would just tell her straight, in a nice way though, that it is something just the two of you want to share. She should be fine about it, your feelings come first, if not she will get over it.

My daughter was born in hospital on Saturday evening. My husband saw her for the first time on Sunday afternoon when he visited for an hour. She was not with me, no babies were. A nurse took him to the nursery and he glimpsed at her in the cot, no question of holding her. I went home, by ambulance, that was the rule, the next day about 4pm and he held her for the first time
This was nearly 51 years ago and absolutely normal for those days. I am just trying to say it is lovely what happens today but I can assure you all that bonding took place naturally and those babies were as close to their parents as babies are today.

I secretly really wanted to be in the room when my daughter gave birth - I had been a birthing coach for a few friends many years before, so I knew the ropes, so to speak. But I didn't ask..... And was thrilled when she asked me to be there. It's the birthing mother and her partner and the doctors decision who is in the labour room. I was lucky. The greatest gift my daughter could ever have given me. But her decision.

Sorry, I missed the fact that it was sorted- really pleased and best wishes for the birth.

So pleased this has been resolved and you can now stop worrying. Wishing you all the luck in the world xx

We have a three month old grandson. When we mentioned to my son and partner about who would be in the delivery room he said "what do you think it is. One born every minuet?! They wanted time on their own after the birth to bond with their new baby. Quite right. However, both sets of parents were visiting within 2-3 hours of birth! Your baby. Enjoy it.

When our first DGD was born, DD (who was only 20) rang to say baby was on her way and would I come round-only a few minutes in car. I arrived same time as 2midwives. All went well, I kept out of the way but came in handy for bed changing etc afterwards. SIL was v gracious. 2nd DGD by section.
I was invited again for their 3rd DGC; again in supportive role only. Last DGD arrived during the night. We got a phone call soon after asking if we wanted to go round to meet her?
DD2 loves a few hours away. We only found out after she was born. Didn't even know she was in labour. We were invited up the day after on discharge from hospital. Stayed in nearby hotel. Invited round that evening, they looked grey with fatigue! Next morning they sent for us so they could get some sleep-we were there in a jiffy.
My DD1 was born at home. My Mum and sister were downstairs. I SO wanted them to be with me but midwife, although lovely and competent, was a bit of a battle axe so didn't like to ask (in my own home too!). I've always regretted that-Ho hum. As long as everyone is ok that's all that matters.
Enjoy the experience Almost there and let us know?

Well said Ramblingrose. It is a private thing for the couple, unless they expressly wish anyone else to be there. I would just explain. She has had her experience of birth. I think it very unfair to even ask. I have a very close relationship with my mother but I wouldn't have wanted her at the birth.

almostthere - you are right that this is a private occasion between you and your partner. There are 3 questions here:

1. Why does your mother need to be there?
2. Do you need your mother to be there (it appears not)?
3. What does your partner think about her being there?

You say you are worried about hurting her feelings. I hope I am not hurting your or any other contributor's feelings when I suggest that she is lonely and/or that she has been unable to accept that you are a separate, independent person who is entitled to have an intimate relationship with someone other than her.

I read a family therapist's article about this recently. Some mothers cannot separate from their children even if they themselves are married and working - they are not necessarily elderly or vulnerable woemn living on their own.

This is an ideal opportunity to let her know that this is a very intimate point in your relationship with your partner and that you would like to share it with only your partner.

If she cannot respect that, you will have real problems in the future.

I would not have dreampt of asking to be present but I did ask my SiL to keep me informed by text! I arrived at the hospital as doon as allowed - a few hours after the birth.
I think a lot of the mums are there on One Born when its a single or very young mum, if partner is not available (one was in prison and one in the army as I recall). I watched it a lot prior to me daughters labour and scared myself to death!
My husband was also sent away when my forst baby had a forceps delivery!

I would add that in the cases of all 5 GC, I was the first GM to have a cuddle, largely because I happened to be on the spot at the time. I don't think the maternal GMs ever showed even a smidgen of envy.

I agree with Nellie. If there was one person who would have made me nervous, it would have been my mother! I don't have a daughter but my DiLs' mothers never showed any inclination to be present when they gave birth, nor did the girls want anyone but my DSs to be there.

I was at the birth of both of my DGSs. Both DD and SiL wanted me there. I was thrilled to be asked but the novelty wore off very quickly .

My second GD is due next month. My daughter has told me that it will be just her and my SIL for the birth this time. I may be needed to babysit my DGD. I confess I felt a little disappointed but I respect their wishes and I completely understand. I was surprised and delighted to be asked to be present at my first GD's birth but it was quite a tiring and worrying experience, particularly when I was shown into a room to sit by myself whilst DD underwent an emergency C-section. It was then that it really hit home how scary it was and I had a few tears. I think I will feel very distracted on the day that my new GD comes into the world, wondering how it is all going.

I have to say that I think it is rather harsh to take the attitude that the maternal grandmother should not be there at the birth if her daughter wants her to be there. Why is this deemed so unnatural? Hasn't mum always (in most cases, I hope!) been there for her daughter's first experiences, especially when it is something that causes apprehension, even fear? Hubby/Partner is very important, of course, but it's mum who has been there, done that!

For me my mother would have been an absolute nightmare. She was incredibly embarrased by such bodily functions.
Todays mums are a different generation.

When my daughters and daughterIL had their births, extras bodies was never discussed, I think I sort of knew each couple wanted to experience that magical experience together.

I had three out of four births on my own, and frankly I was happy for that situation, ---to me it felt right.

DS-- longtime ago you had a choice- first hubby screamish so discussed prior to labour and absolutely not for him, He was automatically gowned n masked up (Oxford Radcliffe) and when I saw him I said 'what are you doing here' I think they thought they had bought the wrong hubby in!! He was very happy to leave, he probably would have fainted if he had been present.

First TwinD --- 2nd hubby present --second one he was not allowed to stay! Not a pleasant labour for me but I still preferred to be on my own.

Sadly the first and stronger twinD died of SIDS 8 weeks later.

Last one-- DD, a week away from expected date it was DH aunts funeral, I said go to support your widowed mum, he left Sunday night to travel 3/4 hour journey. Early next morning I went into labour! and DD born before lunch! He did not see her until the end of the day.

So DH never saw his two surviving daughters born, but for me personally it is a very private thing, so I believe it is not a 'spectator sport'.

I wonder if there are other mums like me ---happy to labour on my own, and Dads who do not wish to be present either?