What can I do to get my husband to turn the heating on?

As others have said, I simply would not put up with this nowadays and it isn't too late to leave. Many older people get divorced. My husband was very controlling too, and I didn't fully see it at the time. We were together 30 years. He decided he wanted someone younger and I was devastated. Do you know what ? It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can have the heating on whenever I want, and also do all the other things I wasn't allowed to do - and I don't have to constantly pander to a selfish man or listen to his abuse, because that's what it is although you may not realise. Refusing to let you have heating and laughing at you is abuse.

That's very good advice from EmilyHarburn.

He is NOT a nice man if he treats you badly.

Dear Joy Jo have not had time to read all the messages as the sun is shining here and I want to get out into the garden. Unfortunately it is a male thing they do not need heating as much as we do and with you having such poor health you need it even more. i do hope you have your fan fire, do also get some mountain thermal wear, I often wear longjohns from Rohan in the evening. You can also get an electric over blanket which is great - I had one from Lakeland for my mother who lived to be 100, to make sure that when she sat in the conservatory in spring she did not get celled.

I also think you would benefit if you went to Relate and with a counsellor discuss your DH and his control.

One of my relatives decided not to leave her husband but had her solicitor send him a letter about his behaviour. He improved and she has remained with him.

All the very best in this matter.

I can't believe he is that selfish can u not ask a health visitor for some help and advice he might listen to someone of authority.

Well done! As others have said he is obviously concerned about what others think of him so that is a weapon for you to use in the future. I once worked with a man who was very popular and everyone liked. I then moved to another job and found myself working with his wife. She told me he demanded sex every night, never helped around the house even though she worked full time, would tell her what groceries to buy during her lunch break and then work out how much it should cost - any money left over she was allowed to use to buy her lunch!

riverwalk - that's the magic of GN

I hope this will bring about a change and with everyone's support dollyjo is able to take control. I do suggest an electric blanket.
If the problem continues I suggest she calls a social worker for support as he seems to take a bit of notice from others and they hopefully will monitor the situation. If all else fails, this is domestic violence so the police could be called.

At least he doesn't come home and put the heating on for himself and I think he truly believes that it is warm enough and is worried about the bills.

I told him I am going to ask everyone I see if they have got their heating on and explain that John won't have ours on.

You got the measure of him, dolly. He cares about his popularity outside the house, but doesn't care how much harm he causes inside it

You've done incredibly well! You rock A word of caution - assuming he doesn't like losing the whip hand, he may try alternative methods of making you miserable to let you know who's boss. I think your supporters here have been great. Do keep posting if you find things improve in one way while worsening in another.

I hope that doesn't happen, of course. I'm very glad you're not freezing! And very proud of you.

I am apalled at this post
As a diabetic too my doctor has advised 17 deg in bedroom and 20 deg in rest of house
We have thermos that control this it is cheaper to keep on
As children we were always cold surely at this life stage we should be beyond this
Your oh is just mean ... Constant temp would save instead of using electric appliances
You need to be warm safe and comfortable in your home
Hugs to you..

Well done Dollyjo. I'm sure we're all quietly applauding your bravery.

No lack of imagination on my part - I was for 25 years married to a controlling bully.

But I'm happy to see that the OP, after only 24 hours on Gransnet, has challenged her husband of 30 years!

Have to agree with wot Riverwalk sadly.

You must lack imagination if you think that all 'grown women' are able to stand up to bullying partners, Riverwalk.

Well done dollyjo just keep it up and look on it as the first skirmish or battle as you have not yet won the "war"! You still need to see the doctor and get some backing for the future. Do not let up! Get the garage cleared of the barricade even if you have to get someone in to do it and show that you mean business. This has to be the beginning of the "new you"!

As I did with the poster who said her husband regularly locked her out of the house as a punishment, I really do hope that this is a wind-up.

I couldn't bear to think that a grown woman would tolerate a husband who went to such lengths to keep her cold.

Such good news dollyjo. So glad you found the courage to stand up to him and make demands. Well done you

My mum rang me earlier this week, my dad was doing the same, refusing to put the heating on, mum is 79 has a bad heart, lung cancer, arthritis and osteoporosis, after his stroke my dad doesn't feel the cold as much, and a few nights ago it was really cold around here. Told her to tell him I said I would be round to switch on the heating if he didn't do it.......he put the heating on PDQ! next time you have a doctors appointment take him with you, but prime your doctor first about the heating, doctor can tell you 'both' you need to keep warm and the risks to your health.

Telling you that he doesn't want the heating on is one thing. Making it physically impossible for you to put it on is something more sinister. He may be well liked by others but they don't have to live with him.

I hope this is the start of him taking more notice of you.

I hope your husband's response has given you a little more confidence dollyjo. In the future if there are similar issues remind yourself of this success and have another go at tackling him. Eventually he'll get the message that you're not to be messed with.

Muscular activity generates heat so if you're unwell or have mobility problems you won't be moving around much so you'll feel the cold more than someone who is active. One of the reasons why men don't feel the cold like women do is that men have more muscle than women and muscle burns glucose to release energy and that generates heat. Women generally have less muscle than men so don't generate as much heat.

I have a friend whose husband used to reset the boiler controls on Monday mornings so the heating went off when he was at work and came on in the evenings! If I went round there for coffee we were both perished! She had a baby and small children too. At weekends he allowed the house to be warm all day. Some men are very selfish at home even though they may win popularity contests socially or at work. They are called control freaks!

I am so pleased for you dollyjo but do remember "nice is as nice does".

Well done dollyjo! Long may it continue.

First important steps to being more comfortable. Well done you

Good on you Dolly

You go, girl! I didn't post on this as everything I wanted to say was said so much better by someone else, and this sounds like a great result. Well done to all the grans, and well done to you, dollyjo. Keep us posted.