Granddaughter says she is gay

My granddaughter told me she is gay and wants me to help tell her parents,,, How do we do this cause I think they won't except this?

Exactly that millymouge

She is still the same lovely girl she has always been, your grandaughter. I personally don't see that her sexuality matters, she is still the same person that you have always loved.

If it's any help, I don't consider myself to be anything. I am a sexual being who has decided to be in a loving and sexual relationship with a man. It does not mean I do not admire women. Am I gay? Am I bisexual? Am I heterosexual? Do not label me. I am on a journey of self discovery which began when I was born and won't end until after I have died probably.

Who knows. Who cares? So many things to do in life.

To define your sexuality instantly puts boundaries on it. To know your sexuality means you may not have pushed any boundaries.

Make of that what you will

Having a gay son myself (he is now (41), I think if you would not normally discuss sexuality with your granddaughter then its not worth mentioning. Just give her the normal love and support.

My son and I have always been open about his sexuality so I do feel sad for people that find this a difficult issue, but I'm sure having a great relationship with your granddaughter and a loving family that's all you need.

If it were one of my grandchikdren, when I next see them, after giving them a hug, I would let them know that I know and that just want them to be happy.

I think Jings has hit the nail on the head. When I think back to when I was 14/15 - given the relaxed attitude of today's world I would probably have told my parents I was gay - a few months later I found that I wasn't. I think it's really important to understand and accept that teenagers have very strong feelings which don't necessarily last for very long without encouragement. So my advice would be the same as Jings treat her just the same and wait and see. No need to mention anything of a sexual nature, after all you are her grandmother!!!

It's tough for our loved ones to breach this topic with us. One day my son called wanting to get his insurance cards from us. He had been MIA for a while and we really hadn't heard from him, so I asked how he was doing and how things were going and let him know that we'd like him to come over sometime soon for dinner. And he said that he'd like that and that he had something he wanted to sit down and talk to us about. Sometimes I joke about things, not to insult the other person but as a way of coping, I think. In jest I said, "What? Are you coming out of the closet?" There was a long pause and he said, "Well I really hadn't meant for it to come out this way but, yeah..." I said, "Well it doesn't matter. We still love you and if that's what's been keeping you away, then stop it. That won't change how much we love you. You and I can talk to your dad together if it will help.."
He thanked me and hung up. When the subject was broached with my husband, he was told we have something important to talk about. My husband grew weak in the knees thinking that there was something terribly wrong with our son. My husband was almost in tears. When it came out that he was gay, my husband said, "That's it? That's what you wanted to tell me?? I thought it was something serious."
We giggle about it now but it was pretty scary for my son to say such a thing (to him). He certainly didn't want to lose us but he was scared that would happen. He comes around all the time now. His coming out and being accepted was most important to him.

I had thought that our son had needed the moment to be able to tell his dad on his own, but it turned out that he hadn't wanted to face the rejection head on. He wasn't in the room when I was the one who told his dad. It's important they know you love and accept them no matter what.

Is it worth mentioning here that it is quite normal for girls of her age to feel strongly attracted to their own sex? Evidently boys do too, it's all about hero worship of another and strong 'that's how I want to be' feelings. Obviously it is as it is, but she may find in time that she isn't having the same feelings about partners that she is now.

One of our granddaughters is gay and there has never been an occasion to mention it any more than there has to mention the heterosexuality of the others. I am sorry we didn't know when she was at school and suffering abuse. That is when she needed our support but I suppose she was too young to be certain and therefore didn't want to 'come out'.

When our nephew told his parents (my sister) in his late teens they were both so shocked. We had suspected for years. Our DD said "just remember he is still who he was". So wise. It was a rocky road for all of us but now, many years later, we all still love him and his partner.
But I have to say it's not what you would wish for your child. He won't have a family like his brother and cousins. He's treated differently no matter what people say.

Oh dear, we do put problems in front of us that aren't there. Just treat your lovely granddaughter as you alway have. It is really of no importance to you if she is gay or straight. If it is causing you problems, and they are yours not hers, ask her to talk to you about it. Most gay people are glad to talk to their nearest and dearest just to clear up problems and crry on as normal, which is what they are.

Tell her you know and that you love her and will always be there for her, no matter what. That's all everyone wants, knowing someone has got their back. She's a lucky girl to have such a supportive family.

My 25 year old son came out about 5 years ago . I had always had my suspicions from when he was a little boy but I can't quite put my finger on why. He said he had hated himself for such a long time. I just want my children to be happy so if he is happy so am I. It was difficult to break the news to his dad who was very upset. I even had to threaten him with splitting up. Eventually he accepted the situation and now we are all happy. My son has had a partner for all of those 5 years. They moved in together a year ago and this weekend move into their own house. I am happy for them but still worry that they may come up against opposition sometimes.

A 15 year old that cooks dinner! Wait for the meal! Although obviously intelligent and capable, she's very young. The less fuss the better with teenagers from my experience. So let her tell you, or if you prefer, say you know and you are happy for her. Then let her make her way. One thing I would say is, there is a thread running on here about fairness in the way men are treated. If she were having under age sex with a man, we'd all be screaming for the police. Strange isn't it. Guessing she's experimented if she knows for sure. Not saying it's wrong of course. I'm pretty liberal. But double standards methinks.

"...or worse still don't care"

What is there to care about? Seriously. People don't 'care' if their kids or grandkids are not gay; why should they 'care' if they are? Just accept it as one (and only one out of dozens) aspect of her personality and whole being.

If she hasn't told you directly or didn't tell her parents to tell you, you won't be ignoring anything by saying nothing. If she wants to talk about it, she will, just as she did with her parents.

What a relief ìt must be now for gay youngsters to able to be open about it.
Im pleased that times have changed in that way.
Ive got no time for bigots who treat gay people as being second class etc etc.
But Kama will settle that I believe.

treat her exactly the same as you always have,shes still going to be your GD, straight or gay.

Sounds a great girl with loving sensible parents and grandparents I agree with all above, check with the mum then tell her makes no difference to you as long as she's happy She sounds a lucky girl, good luck to her X

I guess it all depends on whether she told her parents in confidence or was happy for them to tell you. If it's the latter I think nina's idea of a hug is a good one. Sometimes a hug is worth a thousand words and 'stays' with that person.

Of course just carry on as normal. She will probably have changed her mind in a couple of years. Too young to know for sure. Her business anyway.

I think she should know that you know, so there's no beating about the bush or awkward moments later. Her parents can tell her that you know (presumably through them) and that you're fine with it. That way you don't need to mention the subject if it doesn't come up, as that may seem a little forced.

It might not have come as a surprise. Sue Perkins tells the tale of going home from uni to tell her parents and said to them I need to talk to you about something. Her mother replied "is this about you being gay."

I am with Bellanonna. See what mum says about this, but maybe make some comment about "it's so good you can be open about this nowadays."

My brother lived a lie all his life. He married a woman, had two children, but wasn't able to "come out" until after his wife died. He was in his late sixties by then. What a sad life, to have lived a lie all those years. Thank goodness times have changed.

Gay or straight, makes no difference. Being kind and thoughtful is what makes people special. It sounds as if you and your family are just that.

I understand the op's hesitance in broaching the subject with her. As she says sexuality is not something you would bring up with a 'straight' GC so why try and do it because of her announcement. If she wants to talk to her GM then she will.
She's a lucky girl. D has male gay friends who were rejected by their families when they told them.