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Granddaughter says she is gay

(46 Posts)
SallyAngie Sun 19-Jun-16 23:37:14

Tonight my 15 year old granddaughter told her parents that she is gay. She sat them down, having cooked them dinner, and explained it all to them. She is a highly intelligent young lady and had clearly spent considerable time researching how to deal with it. My question is do I mention it next time I see her, I wouldn't mention her sexuality under normal circumstances so why would I now? Ignoring it may make her think I disapprove or worse still don't care. I have no problem with her being gay. I just think she may be feeling quite fragile and I don't want to spoil my brilliant relationship with her. Any advice please.

Bellanonna Sun 19-Jun-16 23:41:37

Im sure she'd be glad if you were open with her and happy to know you accept her for who she us. Id probably just want to check with her Mum first, who can then tell her she's spoken to you.

ninathenana Mon 20-Jun-16 00:11:51

I think if I were you next time I see her I would just give her a big hug. As you say it doesn't seem right to bring up the subject of sexuality but a hug would tell her that your fine with it. It gives her the opportunity to talk or not.
I hope her parents were as understanding as you. smile

rubylady Mon 20-Jun-16 00:47:18

My sister's gay, she told me when she was 17, told my mum when she was 13. All she wanted was acceptance of her life style. I would just ask her what she did today, let her tell you about the meal and just gently prompt her until she tells you herself. Then give her a big hug. It is amazing what a gay person brings into your life, it's like a different society in a way. smile

cornergran Mon 20-Jun-16 02:12:51

You've got a thoughtful, brave, loving and sensible granddaughter, It's a difficult one, but I can understand that undercurrents are best avoided and that you want her to know you love her unconditionally - which I am sure she does already. Perhaps ask her Mum if she knows you have had this so personal information shared with you. If not I would say nothing. If she asked her Mum to tell you then a quiet acknowledgement and a big hug should do it. Just be the same with her, she will know you are there for her as you always have been. smile

Pittcity Mon 20-Jun-16 07:37:32

I agree with cornergran, just treat her the same and let life develop.

Mildred Mon 20-Jun-16 08:09:08

She is still the little girl you love.

kittylester Mon 20-Jun-16 08:22:52

You obviously have a lovely family if your dgd was happy to tell her parents and not keep it to herself. How did her parents react?

Greyduster Mon 20-Jun-16 08:29:06

One of my son's teenage stepsons recently told them that he was gay. It takes some courage for any youngster to face their parents with that. Although we are not his GPs, we have a close relationship with him. I think he is aware that we know, and if so, he knows that it doesn't affect how we feel about him. As others have said, treat her with the same love and affection as you always have.

whitewave Mon 20-Jun-16 08:30:50

Just treat her as you have always done. Her sexual life is her own affair, just the same as if she was straight.

Anya Mon 20-Jun-16 08:44:58

Good advice already given.

Marmark1 Mon 20-Jun-16 08:58:48

Exactly,Whitewave, it's nobody else's business,if you accept it as normal,then why mention it.
What consenting adults do in private is,just that,Private.
I know,she's not a consenting adult yet.But,

vampirequeen Mon 20-Jun-16 10:15:53

Check with her mum that you are supposed to know. Perhaps she needs to get used to mum and dad knowing before she tells everyone else.

Either way it doesn't matter because you're obviously not going to treat her any differently.

I wish it had been that way for one of DD's friends. He told his parents when he was 17 and his dad manhandled him out of the house. He was on the streets. Fortunately he was befriended by a lovely man who helped him. It could have so easily ended in tragedy.

elfies Mon 20-Jun-16 10:26:56

Just tell her you still love her just the same whatever she is x

SallyAngie Mon 20-Jun-16 10:31:59

Her parents were amazing with her, big hugs and a few tears and lots of love and support. My son told her to just be happy and honest with herself and them and she hugged him and said, my first hug with you dad as myself.

annodomini Mon 20-Jun-16 10:38:46

She sounds like a daughter/granddaughter to be proud of. And mature beyond her years.

icanhandthemback Mon 20-Jun-16 10:46:22

What a wonderful family you have. Just give her a big hug and tell her you love her as herself.

loopylou Mon 20-Jun-16 10:47:59

Your GD will surely tell you when she's ready so no need whatsoever to say/do anything, she's still the loving GD she was so I'm sure she'll tell you in her own good time.

TheWillAssociates Mon 20-Jun-16 10:48:37

This really isn't a difficult thing, you're just being overly cautious, which is understandable.

Sexuality isn't a problem, I've many gay friends and my youngest brother is gay.

Speak to her about it, start by saying that you know she has announced she is gay and you're proud of her for being so brave and you accept it. Then ask her how she would like to talk about it.

She is intelligent enough to have that conversation with. Sexuality isn't something that shouldn't be mentioned like it's a dark secret. Embrace it, embrace her and let her know you love her smile

She may be wondering if you know, or how to bring the subject up. By mentioning it yourself you're taking that stress away from her and making her life better.

People are right here that it is not a big thing anymore, but not talking about it makes it a big thing. Once that first conversation is out of the way you just carry on as normal.

Theoddbird Mon 20-Jun-16 10:52:30

You obviously have a lovely close caring family...

It has all been said I think.

Nannymarg53 Mon 20-Jun-16 10:58:34

My middle son didn't 'come out' until he was 21! It was such a relief when he did because it sort of all made sense then. I felt really bad that I hadn't noticed or helped him bring the subject up before then though. I kept it to myself for a while after because I felt it wasn't my business to tell people - after all, you don't go round telling people your child is heterosexual so why tell people they're gay. A lot of people said they'd realised anyway😃So why hadn't I? The best one was my dad who was about 75 at the time and "old school". He totally accepted it and has always welcomed Steve's partners without any qualms. I myself was slightly shocked as in "gosh, I've got a gay son!" That lasted about a week until my brain had assimilated this new information then we celebrated his bravery and his new found ability to be exactly who he was, not who society thought he should conform to being. I love him unconditionally and wouldn't have him any other way😊😊

ninathenana Mon 20-Jun-16 11:20:36

I understand the op's hesitance in broaching the subject with her. As she says sexuality is not something you would bring up with a 'straight' GC so why try and do it because of her announcement. If she wants to talk to her GM then she will.
She's a lucky girl. D has male gay friends who were rejected by their families when they told them.

GillC Mon 20-Jun-16 11:28:27

My brother lived a lie all his life. He married a woman, had two children, but wasn't able to "come out" until after his wife died. He was in his late sixties by then. What a sad life, to have lived a lie all those years. Thank goodness times have changed.

Gay or straight, makes no difference. Being kind and thoughtful is what makes people special. It sounds as if you and your family are just that.

Nelliemoser Mon 20-Jun-16 11:44:28

It might not have come as a surprise. Sue Perkins tells the tale of going home from uni to tell her parents and said to them I need to talk to you about something. Her mother replied "is this about you being gay."

I am with Bellanonna. See what mum says about this, but maybe make some comment about "it's so good you can be open about this nowadays."

JackyB Mon 20-Jun-16 12:00:17

I think she should know that you know, so there's no beating about the bush or awkward moments later. Her parents can tell her that you know (presumably through them) and that you're fine with it. That way you don't need to mention the subject if it doesn't come up, as that may seem a little forced.