Daughter went away for two weeks.

Begat should read negative!

Goodness, what hits me about this thread is how begat is you are about your own daughter. You actually ask whether she is a neglectful mother. Sounds to me like you have very little faith in your daughter as a mother. But you know what, her boys did ok on their own, didn't they?

The 15 year old was left in the care of an 18 year old adult. Neither of them were children. Time may have moved on but surely we haven't reached a stage where 15 year olds are classed as being unable to care for themselves for a couple of weeks. Just because the law says he's a child at 15 doesn't mean he's as helpless as a 5 year old child.

I have some hesitations here. Unless their mother has left them on their own before I would think a fortnight is a long time to leave them to fend for themselves if they had never done it before.

I left mine at home alone from the age of 16, but only for a couple of days at a time. I would want them both to be at least 18 before I left them both home together for a fortnight. My worry would not be whether they could fend for themselves but who they might ask into my home in their absence and what might happen as a result.

For a long weekend I would allow DD to have a few friends in, no more than six and I would need to know who in advance. She never broke our visitor rule but even then on one occasion someone had to be rushed to A&E after drinking too much.

Lots of posters thinking it would be OK to do this. Bottom line for me is that I wouldn't have dreamt of doing this! Luckily DD is of a similar mind. She and SiL wouldn't do it either so its academic in our family. If DD had some sort of brainstorm and decided to, we would undoubtedly move in with the boys until their parents came to their senses returned.
Times are different since we all worked down the pit from the age of 10 etc.

At 15 all of mine could cook a decent meal for several people, use a washing machine and hoover and iron their own clothes (I couldn't have done the latter anyway). I would have happily left any, or all of them at home...at one point I was bedbound for three months, so they did all the shopping as well. At 18 the eldest had finished her apprenticeship and was actually running a restaurant three days a week! I myself left home at 16 and moved 2000 miles from my father - then moved again so that I was geographically nearer, but still in a different country. All of us are still breathingand haven't burnt a house down yet...

I'm guessing, if the younger boy had nearly finished his GCSEs, he would be 16 within the next few weeks anyway. 18 and 16 year olds are pretty resourceful, and can find their way without adult intervention. Even the rugged, slightly scruffy look at prom might have been a fashion statement.
I agree you shouldn't stop being concerned as their grannie, they secretly like a bit of fussing and knowing that you care!

I really don't understand why Melanie was worried, they're not children but young adults. I married at 16, had a full-time job and a home to run. Our children both left home for flat-shares at 16, working and travelling the world for months at a time. We encouraged them to be sensible & independent...and they were.

I think it is a good thing for them to be left alone to fend for themselves . They will probably make a lot of cleaning for Mum and Dad when they get back and so what if they eat out of tins or have ready meals . Good Lord , my Mum was looking after her 5 siblings when she was 15 after her Mum died . I was working and doing the shopping and half the cleaning to help my Mum who was also working when I was 15 . They will grow up to be useless men if they aren`t given some responsibility now .

I think it depends on the teens whether parents may feel comfortable leaving them - maybe I wouldn't have had done this myself and find that I sometimes struggle with decisions my children make about their kids.

When my sister was born I was ten years old, she was born at home and my father did not take any time off work. My elder sister was in bed with flu and the running of the house was left to me. I did the shopping, no fridge then so shopped daily, cooking and housework. The scary thing, when I look back, is carrying kettles of boiling water up the stairs for the midwife

Had they ever been left to fend for themselves previously? If not, two weeks is too long for a first time. I think building up gradually to more independence is best.

When I was 14 ns 15 my mum was pregnant with my brother who sadly died but then my sister a year later. Due to her having complications both times and being bed bound for 3 months, first at home and then in hospital, I took over the household management and at 15 was on my own with my 17 year old brother to look after ourselves while my dad worked different hours. I did the cooking and washing and ironing as well as making sure the home was clean and tidy. For three months. As well as doing my O' levels.

I agree that we pamper our kids too much these days and it seems like it is getting worse with each generation. I read that even the 11 year olds are now having prom nights!

I have pampered mine too much but even though my DS knows how to cook, clean and wash his clothes, he will get some intensive lessons in the next few weeks to bring him up to speed. Last night he told me on going to bed to put his washing out of the washer over the radiators for today, he has gone to a party. Needless to say they got folded into the basket for him to sort out when he got up. And he did.

When my boys were 16/17 and 18/19 I had part time job three evenings a week, 7-12, working in a shop at an airport 15 mins drive from my then home (this was in addition to a morning and an afternoon day job, money was tight at the time). On one occasion when I arrived home at 12.30 I walked in the door and smelled soot. Unknown to me, the younger son used to smoke in his bedroom leaning out of the window, as I did not allow it in the house. That evening he had run out of matches and left a candle burning on his bedside cabinet in order to light his cigarettes, but went downstairs to watch tv and fell asleep. My older son was in his own bedroom and became aware of the smell of fire and smoke which was caused by the candle having burned down, setting alight the top of the bedside cupboard, whatever was on it including his cassette player, and the wallpaper. He rushed downstairs to tell his brother, and call the fire brigade (no mobile phones then). The younger son rushed upstairs, grabbed a towel and soaked it with water and threw it over the flames, then cancelled the fire brigade. They then embarked on a frantic clean up job before I got home, but of course the smell of burning plastic lingered for months, as dod the bits of black tarry soot on everything in my wardrobe as the doors weree open. I decided that to claim on the insurance for the damage would give the wrong message as only younger sons belongings were permanently damaged, and as he had just become an apprentice decorator he was given the task of repainting his room, the stairs and landing, without pay, in his spare time. All ended well, but had my older son not been in that evening, or also fallen asleep downstairs, it could have been a much sadder story.
He is now a very responsible parent, still smoking ( but only a few a day) and still banned (by his wife) from doing so indoors!

DD has to work away one weekend in three. The DGSs are 18 and nearly 16. They manage really well on their own and we're next door if they need any help.

Three weeks ago we were about to go to bed when we saw flames shooting up in the air from the passing place in the lane just outside our farm entrance.

We ran out in a panic only to find DGS and his girlfriend celebrating the end of their A levels by setting fire to their question papers.

When we asked them what the hell they thought they were doing why they didn't use our own bonfire area because technically they were on somebody else's land they said they didn't want us to think we had intruders!!

DUH??

The sensible 15 yr old was watching telly in his room.

I would not leave a 15 year old with an 18 year old for two weeks. By today's standards 15 is immature,

I think we we are more or less agreed that while there might be the risk of a party every night, teenagers of 18 and 15 are fine on their own.
But does anybody remember the absolute furore a year or two back when a sulky 17 year-old boy couldn't be a***d to get up in time to leave for the airport for a family's flight home so they left him??
The accusations of abuse and neglect,!! I think the parents might actually have been arrested and Social Services were threatening to prosecute!
Young people today need to be encouraged to take responsibility for their own actions and to learn independence.

Coming home and finding doors and windows wide open is a bit more worrying

I think it depends on the young people involved - and 15, with the presence of an 18 year old, isn't really that young.

Going back a generation or so, there was no such thing as a "teenager". You were either a child or an adult, and many people were working at the age of 14 or 15 - and, as Margaret says, in many parts of the world children are expected to work and/or help raise younger siblings.

I expect your daughter wasn't that surprised to find the place was in a bit of a mess and there was loads of washing to do - but that's not particularly disastrous is it?

We left DD aged 17 and DS aged 14 for a week when we in Italy on business. Our next door neighbour was keeping an eye on them. Apart from DD getting paralytic at a barbecue everything was fine - and they managed to cover up the drinking until MUCH later.

When my daughers were 11 and 16 I left them to go to visit my husband who was working in Americs. It was a chance to see the US not as a tourist and their grandmother arranged to come for a weekend and see what they were doing. She came and stayed 2 nights and went home again. as they were so enjoying having the house to themselves.
I left recipies, suggestions and frozen meals.
Don't foget in most parts of the world girls of 16 and less are helping rear whole families- and they did their washing. Next time your DD should leave instructions to use a washing machine.

I should add, she is still very sensible

Oh dear, I used to leave 15 year old DD in charge of her two younger siblings in the school holidays if I had to go to work. She was very sensible, and when we went away for a weekend MIL came to supervise.

However - I would not have left mine if they were still doing exams, and we did go on holiday en famille after the exams were over.

Marmark the 15 year old wasn't on his own, read the post before passing judgement and or making remarks!

15 is too young to be on his own for two weeks.If we were talking about abuse you would call him a child,talk about changing it to suit.