Coping with anxiety

I've got a teenage daughter who has just passed her driving test, and now she lets loose on the roads, never been so fearful for her

Lindill49 Go to your doctor, this is not normal anxiety it is a sign that you need help. I know! I have one big thing in my life which is causing me extreme stress at the moment but I am very sensitive to the news, jump at the slightest noise or sudden movement on TV. I know that all my senses are on hyper alert and you sound to me just the same. I also suspect you are playing it down, especially with those close to you.

You may have to go back to the doc more than once until they realise just how bad it is. They tend to give you the easy solution and wait to see if it works. Don't let it put you off. Good luck getting CBT, you wouldn't get it on the NHS here.

It is very reassuring to read all the posts from people who are well meaning but imo have never suffered like this. Lovely that so many really don't understand that keeping busy, having positive thoughts, remembering how resilient we are etc. can just make some feel worse because they try but fail, the illness doesn't take any notice. Mine is not a lifelong thing, triggered by one person but it has made my hypersensitive to everything.

Sending you understanding and sympathy.

I can relate to what you're describing Lindill49.

I have been dealing with anxiety for most of my life I realise now - for years and years I thought it was normal and what everyone experienced. I wish I'd realised sooner..

I've been having therapy for sometime and it has helped - not got rid of anxiety but put it in to perspective and made it more manageable.

But I would second (or third) exercise. I'm not good at exercising regularly but when I do it definitely helps. I just find it difficult to force myself to do something.

I am currently having a lot of anxiety problems (due to situation described in Relationships thread) and I'm having to remember all my old coping techniques (especially as my therapist is on holiday!). I am trying to swim most days and have also tried to cut out caffeine as I'm having a lot of palpitations (although I forgot this morning and bought a cappuccino!).

I would also suggest a trip to the GP - just to rule out a physical cause and also to find out what support is available.
Sending best wishes.

Exercise is known to help - it does not have to be excessive gym-type exercise but just a bit of a walk. Also yoga is good as it redirects some of the adrenalin to your muscles and also calms the mind. The key is not to let it get on top of you and to fight it, because your rational mind knows that it is illogical - harness that mind and not the worrying one!

Very helpful posts - thank you everyone. I'm keeping busy today and trying not to think of anything at all!!

Lindi - as outside listeners I think Gransnet posters are able to give an objective view on what you have posted; and to be honest (and from professional experience) I do think that your developing anxiety is now beyond the bounds of healthy and that you should definitely see your GP. I suffer from depression at times (like now, I am afraid!) and understand how difficult it is to see what is going on in yourself. Try the GP - CBT is ideal for the sort of catastrophising that you are finding a problem. Hope you will find the right help soon.

Lindill49 I think this is normal (if a bit out of control) :-
we as grandparents are not so much in control of their safety as we were with our own kids as we are now 'once removed' so although we are involved in our grandkids lives we are not in the driving seat
At the same time the world is definitely a less safe place than when we were growing up and so we have far more reason to worry we also have a lot more information at our fingertips and torrid pictures coming into our living rooms.
I also believe we do worry more as we get older we have seen more we know more dangers than when we are young and carefree
I don't think you need a doctor or to think you re depressed I think you are just a caring loving person who has let anxiety get a bit over used
How to overcome it, this is hard, but the way I do it (and yes I m probably as bad as you, my bloody imagination runs riot)
When they do something extreme a} concentrate on how excited and happy they ll be and think of how character building and fun for them Every time the scary thoughts come, I chase it out and replace it with their smile, this has to be done over and over the niggles will keep coming back. I also think about my grandad who at 16 altered his birth cert and joined up to fight in WW1 riding as a dispatch rider (messanger) up and down to the front line and returned with nothing worse than a minor wound. I also think of all the things they ve done and come home safely and lastly try to divert what youre doing get involved with something that needs your concentration
Good luck Lindi dont think of yourself as needing help it is all natural just need to find your ways of dealing with it It only happens becasue you love your grandkids and that ant be bad xx

lindill it sounds to me as if you are halfway there. Can you not displace the worrying thoughts with a mantra of sorts? You could even walk off and chant it out loud: "I trust the Universe". "God's in his heaven and all's well with the world". "Knit nine, purl three, slip one, pass slipped stitch over". Anything!

I do believe if you do this, that over time the anxious thoughts will lessen.

We do get out quite a lot and have adventurous holiday in USA soon. I don't worry about myself I just can't bear the thought of anything happening to them. I imagine the most horrific things and have to try to blank my mind but images keep cropping up. Hubby is sympathetic but he doesn't have children himself. I need a strategy for coping.

I have just spent a week in France and wasn't looking forward to it as it coincided with the seemingly daily ghastly world news about terrorists, forest fires, horrible things happening on public transport, etc I had week news free as we didn't have internet access and we were in a remote mountain area. We were with friends and family and had a lovely time. Walking, eating and drinking and relaxing. The local people were lovely. I must say it put things in perspective, sometimes it's good not to have instant communication. When I was under 10 we played on a bomb site , climbing into derelict air raid shelters and riding our bikes round to our friends houses. We played in the river totally unsupervised. It was great. Your granddaughter will be fine, it's better that's she's outside having fun than stuck indoors. Maybe you should arrange to go out somewhere different yourself , so you can have a new experience to talk about?

You say you have no one to talk to about this,why not your OH? (You mention hubby)

Hi lindill
I experience a similar type of anxiety.
I never worry about myself
Only about my family
Well done for keeping it to your self
My DD actually said that she was becoming anxious through my anxiety
So I try to be positive when I'm with her
But I do ask family to text me when they get home or are traveling a distance
Which they always do.
My sister says that you would have unglue my mobile from my hand as I am on constant alert
I worry all the time about my GC.
'The 3am' is the worst.

I take Pregablin for nerve problem in my foot but it also helps with anxiety and can be prescribed by DR for anxiety
I find keeping busy helps
I also try to think things through using Logic
I no longer read newspapers. (Like you. I was finding content esp if was a story re children upsetting)
Likewise news on TV
I get info from teletext or even Gransnet.
You could also try meditation Exercise also helps. I swim when I can.
Sleep is a problem. When it particularly bad I take piriton.

As you have recently given up work then I think you probably have more time to think and the thoughts starr to gain momentum.
Distraction helps crossword or puzzles
Try GN games on other subjects

Good luck

gracesgran .

Yes, it sounds as though the excessive worrying is a symptom of something else going on in your life. Please go to the doctor and, while you're there talk to him/her about getting some cbt for your anxiety. Whilst I don't believe cbt is the answer in every case, I DO think that it is very useful for controlling your reactions to situations that are making you anxious.

x post cornergran sorry.

Lidill49 please go to the doctors and ask them to give you a thyroid test. I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat and running out of energy. I was also anxious as a side effect. As far as I can see it is pretty common and it is very easily treated so worth checking up on. Personally I think they should do the tests on a regular basis so I am a bit evangelical but because I was my daughter found out she is Hypothyroid too and so is her friend.

Lindill the tiredness needs checking out, as Gracesgran has said there could be all sorts of physical causes which in turn are impacting your mood, or your mood could be impacting your physical wellbeing. Whichever way it is it won't help with managing your concerns about your granddaughter. Of course its natural to have some concern, anxiety is part of being human and it can keep us safe, but this does sound to be difficult to manage and the fact that you are uncomfortable about it indicates a doctor's advice is a very good plan. Don't be worried about telling your doctor, a GP is very used to hearing about overwhelming anxiety and can suggest a number of management strategies. Lack of confidence seems to go with the life changes that come with stopping work. You aren't at all unusual. Chin up. Your granddaughter will be fine and it's OK to get some help for yourself. Please keep in touch, tell us how you get on.

Sorry this is turning into a medical forum and I don't want to bore people. I'll just try to control my feelings as advised - thanks everyone.

Sleeping right through (very rarely need tablets) but very tired during the day and often have to have a nap at 11am and again at 3. Can't usually cope after 10pm. Thought about sleep apnoea but hubby says not.

Are you sleeping OK Lindill? I've often found that when I'm getting more anxious, that actually I'm very tired for some reason.

Must admit I'm feeling my age (66) - aches and pains incl osteoarthritis in hips & degenerated disc causing occasional sciatica but I keep active.

Lindill49 are you physically well. Strangely anxiety can be a symptom of physical illness and can go if the illness is treated.

I was actually going to ask if you'd just given up work. I think that's the key to it. I don't miss my job but I do miss chatting to people every day [although I now go to the gym most days and chat to people there].

Thanks for your reassurances- I do need more perspective over things. I'll take a sleeping tablet to get me through tonight and try to keep myself busy tomorrow. I've recently given up work (which I didn't like) so I need to take my mind off things.

I too think a trip to the doctor is necessary.

It isnt just the kids safety that is making you frightened.