What is a 'typical ' boy?

My deleted post was an explanation of my position and a response to the post criticising my earlier deleted post.
It would appear that I am not being allowed to defend my position.

I do not believe my post broke any guideline or was directed at any individual. GNHQ have given me no explanation.

I have requested the post be restored, and explanation, given or my account and all its posts be deleted.

I would be sorry to leave GN and my friends , but if i am not allowed to answer my critics that is totally unreasonable and not acceptable.

If this becomes my last post, farewell friends and good luck.

I've known plenty of gay men and none of them were quiet! Quite the opposite actually, very noisy and attention seeking generally. My DS is quiet and used to be shy, but is definitely not gay. He has grown into himself as he got older and now is confident and assertive, but still quiet and likes to have time to himself. It take allsorts to make the world go round, it would be boring if we were all the same. Plus we change as we age, grow into different people again and again. I have anyway.

My two youngest grandsons love/d playing with dolls, pushchairs, hovers and all the other 'female specific' toys. The older of the two played most of the time with his two female cousins who were more like sisters to him. He is a very artistic boy, loves drama, crafts and art but he also loves playing on his Xbox with other young lads. The youngest is only 16 months old and loves his 'baby'. I think you have to let children grow up to do what they enjoy, regardless of gender. As some have said, we don't bat an eye at 'tomboys' so why should gentler boys be considered 'gay'. Maybe one or both of them will be gay in the future, but we would still love them just as much.

Understanding a child is essential. If a boy of 10 realises he is different from most other boys (my nephew talked of knowing this quite young and certainly at primary school) and everyone else ignores this or negates it this only makes it harder for the child. As it is perfectly possible for any child to be gay (you can't make anyone gay!) it would be good to have open , general conversations as part of all the 'growing up' chats so that if a child is gay they feel safe and know that is is OK for them to 'come out'.
Also some comments on here imply that people think 'macho' men / boys who like rugby/football / sport are less likely to be gay. I do not think this is real life experience! Having several gay friends and acquaintances of both genders I know that, like straight people,gay people come in all shapes sizes, professions, class, religion, ethnicity etc. and have as many affectations or none as anyone else! I have met several 'camp' men and 'butch' women who are not gay. Let's avoid stereotypes and see people! However knowing (labelling) a child's needs or differences can help to make sure they are fully supported and well equipped to manage their "difference" positively as they grow up

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This child is ten. Time for people.who.know him to mind their own business.

In the days when. I was a child they used to express their opinions in front of the children as if not there. I was criticised for being large. It has stayed with me all my life. Looking at the photos I was sturdy and tall and not as fat, as I thought I must be. I am 5' 8 1/2 ". You would have thought I was 8 ' at least.

Tell them to keep their opinions to themselves.

Being gay or lesbian doesn't mean no grandchildren. When my daughter came out as gay my initial fleeting thought was' no grandchildren' but times have moved on and she has wonderful twins, boy and girl aged nine conceived with IVF. At least now gay men and women can make their choices to have children or not.

I have a grandson just the same, He is 18 and a lovely lad. He loves his computer and also has a part tine job at a local superstore.He is waiting for an exam result to see if he can join the RAF.He has never had a girlfriend and being Gay has never entered our heads.He is just quiet and shy.
I think it's terrible that this labelling of your grandson has ever even been thought of.
I have a brother( Who is now 78)who was quiet and shy and never had a girlfriend until he was in his twenties and he married her and had two children.

I know she was talking about an 11 year old, I have one of them at home and I see the pressure put on said 11 year olds to conform to the gender roles.

The OP was tallking about an 11 year old LumpySpaced Princess. says all.

I think this is quite a thoughtful discussion with lots of people sharing their real life, lived experience, hardly risible.

Gender stereotyping is very real and very damaging, it's fantastic that people notice it and want to talk about it.

This has become a completely ridiculous post. All OP was saying was that her DGS was not a noisy, sporty boy. How it got to page 4 on this is risible.

Agree with whitewave in an early post, skipped pages 2 and 3 and amazed at page 4!!! I know plenty of men that are quiet, nerdy, gently, kind that are both hetero and gay. So what's all the fuss about. And if one is hetero then yes I do find it a bit uncomfortable watching passion etc between same sexes both female and male because it is just that - out of my comfort zone and not in my experience zone because I just haven't been there and it doesn't make me homophobic.

And please no labels of any kind at an early age. I have a DGS who to me is a 'typical boy' with a few issues and just had the autistic label hung on him. Yes it is useful in that certain aspects/issues can be watched, but frankly I think just let him and others like him just get on with it. They will lead good and fufiling lives as grown ups.

Just love your grandson for who he is oldgoose and good for you.

I have 9 nephews and 2 of them are gay. Both gay nephews are in long term relationships. Neither were boys who were massively into sport but then two other nephews weren't either!! One became severely depressed as a teen because he was afraid of the bigoted reaction he would get. It is stereotyping of gay people that causes problems as it does for any group of people. Also probably that attitude of overly macho men that caused gay community to develop gay campness! I do not like to see any couple being overly lovey dovey in public but gay or straght holding hands, peck on cheek, arm in arm is not offensive to me.

Agree with Elegran at the age of 10, a child should just be allowed to grow and enjoy life. No one can determine how his life will unfold, and whatever, you will still love him and accept him for himself as will his friends.

Oldgoose no need to worry what people are starting to say, he is his own person and in due course he will be straight or gay, whichever is right for him. At the moment he is neither, just a little boy who likes computery things and has an interest in collecting stuff (once upon a time it would have been stamps - which was a respectable hobby for the less macho boy) He is not necessarily autistic or Aspergers either, he is just a boy.

I remember coming home when my children were teenagers. I passed my daughter in the drive, fixing something on her scooter, with bits spread all around and oil on her hands. Indoors I was accosted by her younger brother. He had bought some jeans and wanted to know how to make the legs taper. I produced the sewing machine and showed him how to take in the seams at the lower leg, which he did rather crudely but effectively. I had some pottery clay - he played around with it and produced an excellent figure.

My daughter is now married with two children, she works in data anlysis, and does the home decorating and repairing while her husband is an excellent cook. My son does computer programming, is a competent DIYer (like his father) and his partner is a financial whizz woman.

And my dad was of the generation where men/women kissing passionately in public was uncomfortable viewing too. Perhaps I am old enough (77) to still have some of that reaction. Perhaps G&T still has it too. I am happy that everyone has a healthy and fulfilling sex life, but it is their own private business, not mine.

That is neither homophobia nor heterophobia, it is just reticence.

At the same time, I am quite happy to laugh at risque stories and joke about handsome waiters. Double standards? Not really. One is physical, in-your-face and private. The other is theoretical - funny and fine.

LSP, your description of your Dad is better than my own, of my self, Rather than "dislike", uncomfortable would be a much better description of my reaction to men/men, women/women, kissing in a sensuous way.

Hi,

Maybe it's because I am doing a lot of research in it at the moment but I wonder if he could possibly be autistic / Asperger's syndrome. This is nothing to worry about really. It simply means that their brains are wired differently, they understand things differently etc.. Some of the top brains in this world had / have Asperger's syndrome (Albert Einstein, Bob Dylan,Bill Gates, Isaac Newton, Michael Jackson etc.) and they say that one in then men have this condition, though it is a lower percentage in women.

It's a thought .... .

We'll have to agree to differ on exactly the wording of that post, then, Iam, as we can't refer back to it. I put more detail into the reasons for my reaction. The reference by LPS to her own father is not relevant - mine always showed his disgust at enthusiastic heterosexual public displays (there were never any homosexual ones then) but that wasn't to prove anything.

I am with G&T in saying that posts accusing him of a homophobic attitude should also be deleted. Half a conversation always sounds worse than the whole.

It is the labelling that hurts, my effeminate uncle is gay, my burly, butch nephew is gay, my daughter climbs trees, plays football and is NOT a tomboy, she is a girl. Stop policing the gender borders, stop using the terms gay and girl in a derogatory way. We still have a long way to go before the sexes are equal and being gay is still bloody hard. Not as hard as it used to be, my uncle left the country in the fifties because it was so hard, my nephew, mostly, just lives his life but still comes across homophobia every day. If not in real life then on TV, or chat forums.

Ix posted with GrandTea there

If two men kiss on tv my dad always makes the point of looking uncomfortable, he can quite comfortably watch some quite horrific or desperately sad things minus the facial expressions but two blokes kissing gets him squirming. It's as if he has to prove his heterosexual nature by the disgust he shows to any act of affection between gay people.

Your explanation of why you don't read bits of books that don't interest you is a far cry from the comments made by GrandTea, which were different than your summary of them Elegran. I won't repeat them because they have been deleted, presumably because I'm not the only person who saw them as homophobic.
I didn't suggest the OP grandson was gay, the OP is unhappy about that phrase being used to describe him because of his gentle nature. Most of us will have heard that kind of comment about similarly gentle boys. My issue is the term being used in a derogatory manner. That's it from me, you'll be pleased to hear.

Thank you Elegran, I have asked for the post accusing me of homophobia to be deleted.

I find it more objectionable that Iam64 should associate a quiet studious child with the possibility of being gay, rather than just a normal child.

I have not problem with my posts being deleted if they upset anyone, but ALL the related posts should have been deleted.

Very harsh, to get that deleted! Now you have G&T's post labelled homophobic and abusive, when it was no such thing, just that he did not watch when homosexuals behaved sexily on the TV. Do you intend to get mine deleted for not reading heterosexual passages in novels? I was just being honest, too - and I am noit keen on long brerathless epoisodes on TV either, very boring, unless the actor is one of my favourites.

And the OP said nothing whatsoever about her grandson being gay, just that he was quiet and gentle. You took more out of her post than was put into it, then did the same for G&T's.