DIL's

Thankyou for all your comforting words, it was just what I needed Friday, special thanks to Grannyknot, kittylester, jogginggirl, Coolgran 65 and cornergran. Your words brought a tear to my already upset eye, but made me feel better. However, DIL must have though better of her words as she has gone out of her way to be lovely today, and I know she finds it hard to say sorry. Eeh..... Life ain't easy is it!

I love my DDiL to bits. She is lovely and I am as confortable with her as I am with DD, on second hand reviewing this week's relationship with DD, DDiL is much the easier to get on with.

I only have SiLs but of course my DDs have MiLs! My SiLs are super! However their mums are less so!
One never sends anything to the DGDs or communicates. My DD has invited them on visits but now SiL says he is not bothering with her anymore because he feels she does not care. It was my DD who tried to mend the estrangement between mother and son!

Other DDs MiL lives locally as I do. She is a nice woman and her sons are both really great young men but her approach to life is that she will only do things to suit her. I have no doubt she loves our DGSs but she is happy to see them just once a month and she will change the arrangement if something 'better' crops up! She does however expect family visits to her for birthdays etc. on the days she chooses and gets a bit put out if DD/SiL (or her other DC) have other arrangements. Her other DiL and my DD have now made an alliance. They are not unkind to her but it makes them both feel better that they both feel she could be less self-centred!

I think I've been lucky because DS's ex wife was Ukrainian and his fiancee is Hungarian and eastern europeans do seem to think that parents are important.

I totally agree Mildred. I think there have been many times when my sons would like to visit but are worried about being seen as mummys' boys.

Sadly I used to get a bit jealous if my dh seemed too keen on 'phoning or visiting his mother. If only we could roll back time I would understand so much more.

morethan2 I think it is those sayings "Daddy's girl" which is positive and "Mummy's boy" which is negative which influence men's behaviour.

Having a DD does not ensure you have the closeness you crave. My DIL was the one person who hugged me and cried with me when I had to go into hospital. I think the difference is that DIL is a mother and DD is not, being in a caring role gives you empathy.

I know my place were my two DiL are concerned and it's probably fairly low on the list, but at least I'm on the list. I know I've probably got on their nerves at times but probably unknown to them I've been very hurt and said a big fat nothing in my defence. (apart from last Christmas when one of them stepped or rather jumped over the line) the funny thing is if they are upset by somthing my sons have done they'd rather confide/ ask my advice than their own mothers who they tell me get immediately defensive and that's not helpful. I do love them though each in their own way and I think they are quite fond of us. But it is a very difficult and somtimes unfair relationship. I've never really understood why it's ok for my DiLs to see their mothers on a daily basis but sons would be ridiculed if they wanted to see their mothers daily or probably monthly. Oh well they've got sons of their own and will no doubt get their comeuppance

When my third son was born I remember thinking "Oh crikey I'll have 3 dils." As it turned out I only have two (things may change) but both of them are very tricky.

Having said that and always slightly envied mums with daughters, I think daughters can be tricky too.

I have an easy relationship with my daughter in law; on our recent holiday, her good humour, cameraderie and good manners were the only things that kept me sane. She now has no doubts about what a weird family she has married into. That's not to say I haven't felt critical of her in the past (and no doubt it has been reciprocated) but like others, I keep it zipped. My son's first wife was a lovely lady but I knew we would never be close in any sense - it was neither in her nature nor on her agenda. Unfortunately she died quite early in their marriage, so I never got the chance to see if things could have been different.

I would like to point out that I have 3 fabulous sons in law but I've had a right b******d too. Just saying.

I'm glad I've only got SiLs . It does seem to be easier with them than DiLs ! Sending you all wine !! and a lot of it !

Have found it best to button my lip and go with the flow......I ha a fantastic mil who treated me as her child as I lost my Mam at 16 ..I married her only son yet she would have defended me always..my dil is tolerant of me as I know my place

There can be a lot of hurt.

Sometimes a MIL can't do right for doing wrong.
Hugs x

I completely understand Opeless - I've had an encounter of the same kind today....She is an ex- DIL - it's very hard - but I kept it zipped ...?
Sending (((hugs))) and xx

And from me! I've had a stinker too.

to go with the wine and telly. And a big hug.