My daughter needs help

Oh dear Houseller, you're in one of those places many of us will have been, with so much big stuff going on in life. I'm sorry to read about your partner and hope the treatment is effective.
I don't want to make unhelpful suggestions but, here goes. Would it be possible for your daughter to take a break from her work, tell her clients that she has health problems and has been advised to rest. I know getting any kind of incapacity benefit these days is a trial but her involvement with the mental health team may help with that. It sounds as though your daughter has been unable to work consistently, if at all so her clients may prefer to know she'll be unavailable for a period, rather than cancel at the last minute.
Do try not to lose sight of yourself in all this.

Thank you for all your comments. Her daughters lead busy lives but try to do their best, unfortunatly it's been going on so long now they are getting sympathy fatigue. My partner has been diagnosed with Cancer which involves months of hormone therapy and then radiation so I don't feel I can leave him to move in with my daughter. She can stay with me as long as she likes. Unfortunatley she teaches music so will lose her students if she doesn't soon get back into the world .

Would it be possible for one of your granddaughters to pick your daughter up and bring her to your house?

It sounds like she really needs someone with her. Being alone is not good for depression. You could reassure her that she can sleep as much as she wants but you would like to ensure she gets regular meals and is 'looked after.'

It may not be practical for you, but I think some immediate measures need to be taken until she feels better and is able to get counselling, take exercise etc.

It sounds as though your daughter has taken some positive steps, despite feeling as bad as she does. She is talking to the mental health team and I hope she's taking the medication they have prescribed. As has already been said, anti depressants can take 6 weeks, or longer, to being to help. Often people can feel a bit worse during the early weeks of medication. I hope your daughter can work through that, if it happens for her.
It's also positive that her own children and her mum are being to supportive. Would her staying with you, or you moving in to her home for a period of time help, do you think?
Wherever she is, the link to specialist services sounds essential.
She may benefit from some form of talking therapy in the not too distant future but often, what's needed is for the person to take their medication, talk with their loved ones and professionals involved. A combination of relaxation and gentle exercise will help.There are good CD's around she can play to help with relaxation to ease anxiety. As trisher said, walking can be therapeutic, as can swimming.
janeainsworth is right to suggest you find some support for yourself. Do try and look after yourself, its so hard to have this kind of worry about your adult children isn't it

I agree with Obieone. Get her to your house if at all possible. And then let her take her time. Rest is a great healer.

Hi Houseseller, so sorry for you and your DD. Anti-depressants can take time to work so if she has just started taking them it may be a while before you see any change. Counseling may help but just having someone to talk to is equally valuable. Does she have a friend who will take her for coffee and just let her talk about anything, not just the break up. Exercise can help but she sounds to be in a bad place at the moment, but when she feels a bit better walking can help.

Can she do her business from your place at all? Does she live with her daughters?
As loneliness is a big problem, if she can stay a while with you, I would have thought that would help. And would help her to be awake more during the day, rather than the night. Even having her for 1 week, may start to get her out of the routine she is in now.

I think the think she misses most is not having a partner anymore, loneliness is a big problem. She lives 3 hours drive from me so not easy. I am in my 70,s so driving around the M25 fills me with horror. I have offered to send a car to pick her up and bring her to my house but don't know if she will take me up on it.

Could CBT therapy help, it's not counselling, but may give her the strategies to be able to deal with her emotions. I had CBT after an accident (trauma and depression) it's not an overnight 'cure' but I now have strategies that help me cope.

A breakup can be as bad emotionally as other traumas. I hope you as a family can get get help you all need xx

You may have to seek a private CBT therapist as NHS waiting lists for this are horrendous.

Could you phone the Samaritans for advice yourself Houseseller?
About the best way for you and your GDs to help her?

Do you know what she misses most about the relationship?

Thank you, she has had counselling and visits to mental health most days but not helping. She is in complete crisis at the moment.

Maybe she should see her GP if she hasn't already and perhaps they might suggest some counselling just talking with someone not involved would help.

Houseseller what a nightmare for you.
I wonder if your DD has had counselling or talking therapy of any kind. It seems to me that antidepressants by themselves may make her temporarily feel a but better, but won't help her deal with the situation itself. Perhaps she needs help to deal with her grief and pain.
What a blessing though that you have your granddaughters to help you through this.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I know very little about this sort of thing but I wonder if you could put it under another heading ie health you might find more knowledgeable people.