Holidaying with my daughter, son in law and 2 and half year old grandsons

Well you re not in the wrong at all if that's not what you want
I d be the exact opposite I go like a shot can't think of anything nicer than being included and watching the grandkids have a good time All my holidays have been with grandkids around and I would never expect them to pay for me and I would love to be needed in the evenings while they go out for a meal or a drink I really class it as a privilege to baby sit I have been with various grand children on holidays since they were little I ve sat round the pool watching them playing or on the beach and other peoples kids are quite entertaining too None of mine are babies now so my time of ' being useful' is limited .....Roll on great grandkids

Rosina - don't you dare go with the children!!! You can be utterly charming about it and just say at your age and stage and financial situation you prefer something a lot quieter - you look forward to hearing all about their holiday and they can enjoy hearing about yours. Horses for courses. When your children are grandparents themselves they will shudder to think what they wanted to put you through.

I agree with other posters, if they are upfront about wanting childcare (and paying for the holiday) it would be reasonable. But if you are paying for a holiday that you wouldn't choose for yourself and also end up doing the childcare that is not reasonable.

Like other posters I'm not at all keen on this type of hotel, full of other people's shrieking children. And I don't like heat or beach holidays much, so this would not be for me, free or not.

After my father died we used to take my mother on holiday with us but didn't expect her to babysit at all - if we went out for a meal in the evening we usually all went together. We used to take a nice apartment on a complex with a beach and a swimming pool and she could always spend time by herself on the balcony or in the living room if she wanted some peace. We also made a point of going out and about to see interesting places, it wasn't totally child-centred. There was a hotel nearby which offered all the usual children's activities so most of the families seemed to be staying there.

Another time we stayed in rooms on a farm in Devon that was run as a guest house and went out and about during the day, giving her the option of going to a beach or staying in the towns to look around. Even though the weather wasn't great we all had a lovely time there.

Its now our time for us..I child mind, pick her up from school and support when I can but I also have my own life. I would decline family holiday under this conditions..let them take MIL if they want..will she be expected to pay? Does it matter?
Ive realised over the years that no matter what you do its what you don't they bring up.
Love all mine to bits but holidays my time for me.

Hi Londongirl, we had a very similar situation last year when we went on holiday to a family hotel in Menorca with our DS, DiL and our two grandchildren, one then aged almost two and her baby brother who was then 6 months. We paid for ourselves and had our own apartment which had an adjoining doors to theirs.
We were never asked to babysit, and weren't expected to. We had a great time, so much so that we're going away with them again next year!
Having said that, we did go on a cruise a month after we came home! I wouldn't be so keen if it was our only holiday.
Enjoy your cruise, you'll have a great time. DH and I are cruise addicts!
By the way, I live in London too.

I see my granddaughter regularly and do free care at least once a week.If I am paying for the holiday myself I definitely wouldn't choose to spend it a hotel filled with other people's kids. I've spent 20 years doing that already with my own. If my daughter was offering to pay all costs so that I could share the babysitting then that is fair enough. Let the other gran use her money and go as a glorified free babysitter/dog's body and you go off on the holiday of your choice. Personally, as a single traveller, my motto is- See the world, never go to the same place twice and travel in term time only!

stick to your guns, let your daughter ask the other grandma(sounds like they just want a babysitter and any granny will do) and no doubt the other poor grandma will be on here asking the same question.

Been there , done it , got the t shirt , I have had some miserable so called ,family hols .
Now do what I want to do !! Selfish perhaps , but very liberating.

I have a sister in law who told me "you really ought to go to Benidorm, you would love it, you can get a mobility scooter so you don't have to walk" I have known this woman for 50 years and she does not have a clue about my lifestyle. I do not do beach holidays, I stay in upmarket villas or if have to use hotels only 5* just as well she never asks me to join her on holiday.

Hi there, Cleverblonde. You sound like a very nice young woman. I wish you were my daughter in law.

I never expected my in laws or widowed mum to join us in child centred activities or holidays.

I once went with my mother and 3 lively boys to visit my aunt who lived by the sea. It was a day trip.

I couldn't not take them to the beach and mum who was in her mid sixties at the time did nothing but moan although the kids only had an hour on the beach and the rest of the day with auntie.

I've done my fair share of being nan at birthday parties in Play Spaces. It was only for a couple of hours so I enjoyed it.

I really dislike the way ( some) adult children make us grandparents feel guilty if we don't immediately agree to do something connected with the DGC! I am sure your daughter is a lovely person however the fact that she has said she will ask the other granny suggests to cynical old me that she is looking for a babysitter. From my observations on recent holidays and from what friends and colleagues have said, it is clear that many parents invite us GPs on holiday to look after the children while they relax. My widowed brother was thrilled to be invited on holiday with one of his daughters plus SIL and 2 under 5s. They paid for the villa but he paid for his flight. Out of 7 nights he babysat for 6 plus got up in the mornings with them to let the parents lie in. Do not feel guilty Londongirl and enjoy your cruise!

PS. I cringe when I look back to the time we were young parents. Every time my parents booked a holiday we said we'd come too! It never occurred to me that they might want to get away on their own. I even suggested our daughter slept in their room and our son slept in ours. How could I have been so thoughtless?

If you don't mind a comment from a mum rather than a GParent.
A holiday should be about relaxation and enjoyment, take your holidays on your terms, as you say you have been there and done that! now is your time so unless you particularly want to go on family holidays you shouldn't feel guilty for politely declining. I have daughter who is just turning 2, we took her to Peppa Pig World in July, not really mine and my partners idea of fun but she loved it so that meant we did. You do these things as a parent but I wouldn't have expected my parents to come along, they already get bombarded with the Peppa DVD when she goes to visit

When we get to our age, I think it's time we did what pleases us. If you don't want to go on a family holiday, then don't. Life is short. Do what YOU enjoy doing.

We have just agreed to go to Spain in December with my daughter, son in law, and four year old GD. We are paying our own way. I know we will babysit sometimes, but I fully intend getting time alone with hubby. I feel the OP is quite right to say no if she doesn't want to go. My hubby always says we don't have to say yes to everything. The other granny might say no too!

Wise decision Londongirl57, DONT go and DONT feel guilty, just enjoy your freedom!

Although I have to say some grandparents would LOVE to be invited on such a family holiday, some (like myself)would now prefer to spend what they have on a holiday of their own choice. A couple of times when my son and partner and kids were cash strapped in the past, I paid to rent a coastal property in England, but both sides mainly did there own thing as son and family just wanted to go to adventure parks and the like and one week we didn't even have a meal out together. But as for going abroad and spending a good bit of money on what is not your choice of holiday, no wouldn't be for me. As someone said the other grandma might be over the moon so then everyone would be happy.

My idea of hell! Even looking at DS's holiday photos gave me chills. All that noise & other people's children & everyone drinking too much as it is 'free'? No thank you. I did however very nearly offer to go with DS this year as he was taking 3 of my GC away by himself. Luckily I resisted although I think he knew he would cope very well. He hardly saw them in the end - they are 8-12 years old- & they had a great time but he had more grey hair when they got back!
Give me a quiet Greek beach with no English accents to be heard if possible please. Although I do find that most GB people we meet on holiday are very nice & of the same mind - if not years- as us.We go out of school holidays.

In a word NO you are not wrong. Unto yourself be true.

Oh, I'd love to be invited on a holiday with my family even if it meant I was the babysitter. But I do understand someone not wanting to stay in a hotel like that. I'm desperate for a holiday somewhere hot and the S.O. doesn't like that sort of thing.

I quite agree with you all. I like spending a holiday with the my family in a cottage but would hate to go to a child friendly hotel.The thought of hordes of unruly kids running around would be my worst nightmare !

Mmm, sounds like they want free child-care, I would hate to be surrounded by other people's screaming children. Did our children behave this way, I don't remember any of them constantly screaming while playing, nor did they run around supermarkets as they do now. Londongirl, you have done the right thing, that is NOT a holiday!

Unfortunately, you will have to wait a few years before she "understands".

Thank goodness my DS and DIL hate holiday hotels as much as I do. We spent a lovely week in a Yorkshire cottage this year and have been to Spain but in a deserted Villa which suited us all, including my DGS and DGD. Someone once said Hell was other people's children and we are all agreed on that. DGS at airport commented "Why are those boys behaving like that I wouldn't get away with it!" About the family in front of us with screaming children!

Thanks so much everyone.

Will be back here after my maiden cruise. xx