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Holidaying with my daughter, son in law and 2 and half year old grandsons

(107 Posts)
londongirl57 Fri 02-Sep-16 08:47:30

My daughter has asked me to go away on a family holiday next year in a family filled kids friendly hotel in Spain. My dilemma is that I've been there and done that and now go on adult only holidays to free myself from all of that I had to do when my children were very young. I can't imagine spending £650 for a weeks holiday only to be surrounded by the very thing I hate most.(screaming kids) Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my daughter and my grandsons and see them most weeks as we live 50 miles apart. But somehow my daughter has made me feel guilty for saying no and told me that she will now ask the other grandmother if she wants to go.

Am I in the wrong for putting myself first and not wanting to go?

I really would welcome your views.


Neversaydie Fri 02-Sep-16 08:59:42

Well if they were offering to pay I'd probably go and offer free babysitting ,but that sort of holiday would be my idea of hell and I would be doing it for them not me .

Greyduster Fri 02-Sep-16 09:26:00

It would not be for me; most of the people we know choose adults only hotels for their holidays these days. I love my grandson to distraction but would only go away with the family if it was a cottage holiday. And after the holiday we spent together in August I would even have to think hard about that! Do what you feel is best for you, not what would keep others happy.

Granarchist Fri 02-Sep-16 09:32:31

If they are paying - crack on with it and buy earplugs. If you are paying any reasonable person (and definitely your DD when she reaches your situation!!) would totally understand the 'I'm sorry darling but whilst I adore my grandchildren, I do find the idea of a holiday surrounded lots and lots of others simply exhausting and that is why on my limited budget I go on holiday with like minded people of my own age!'.

We do occasionally go on holiday with our grandchildren but we hire self catering apts in the same small complex so we can retreat to peace and calm whenever we want to. I also have to say that DD1 has two little girls and DD2 has two little boys and until the latter have calmed down a bit DD1 will not go on holiday with the cousins!! Lots of meet ups and weekends but no holidays yet! I think the word 'holiday' is the key here.

harrigran Fri 02-Sep-16 09:34:45

I only do family holidays in cottages or overseas villas. I do not do other people's children especially in hotel restaurants. If they want childcare be upfront about it and pay for you to join them.

f77ms Fri 02-Sep-16 09:37:54

Well at least you won`t be asked again . BTW Would you have had your own room in the hotel where you could escape if you need to ? I will go with my S , DIL and baby next year and am really looking forward to it , I will spend as much time as possible with the baby . We always rent a cottage because none of us really like staying in hotels so maybe that would be easier if your inlaws had chosen that option. The only thing I would not want to do is to stay in a caravan with two other adults and two children which I did a few years ago and hated it . I came home and needed a holiday .

londongirl57 Fri 02-Sep-16 09:38:18

Thanks so much for your input, it really is much appreciated. It's good to know that I'm not the only grandparent that feels this way. Yes, I too do love them both (twins) but can't envisage a week on a kid filled week away with other screaming kids. And no, my daughter hasn't offered to pay but I don't mind,I just prefer spend the money towards a cruise nowadays.

thatbags Fri 02-Sep-16 09:41:45

No, you are not in the wrong. So your DD will ask the other grandmother? So what? That, surely, has nothing to do with your decision.

There's nothing wrong with knowing your own mind and preferences. Bin the guilt, especially as your daughter "has made you" feel guilty. She's the one with the problem. Making people feel guilty about a choice like this is not a nice thing to do.

J52 Fri 02-Sep-16 09:44:37

Don't go if you don't want to.

I'm sure the MIL will be delighted to be asked, just as long as she doesn't find out she's second choice!

londongirl57 Fri 02-Sep-16 09:44:58

Yes, I would have my own room in the hotel and could possibly spend a couple of days doing my own thing but really where they have chosen to go in Spain really isn't my cup of tea. And no, they are not paying. They won't go to a villa because they said that they want a hotel with everything provided for so the boys don't get bored and start kicking up a fuss. I went to Bournemouth for 3 days with them this summer and that was enough to put me off!!

Judthepud2 Fri 02-Sep-16 09:46:43

😱 my idea of hell, other people's children on holiday! I am very tolerant of my own GCs and their noise, but even a week of fun with them can get very exhausting at our age if there is nowhere to retreat to for a spot of peace and quiet. I agree that an apartment or villa is a much better idea with young children.

Mumsy Fri 02-Sep-16 09:49:28

My idea of hell too! Dont feel guilt tripped by saying no to your family, I went on holiday with my daughter and grankids never again all they wanted was a bloody 24/7 baby sitter!

f77ms Fri 02-Sep-16 09:50:36

That puts a different light on it londongirl , there are lots of `hot blackpool` type holiday resorts in Spain and I would not want to spend that amount of money in that case . It also can be totally exhausting being in the company of young children, I know from experience . Our family holidays are spent in places we all like so I have the option to go off on my own sometimes .

londongirl57 Fri 02-Sep-16 09:54:03

Thanks so much everyone for your opinions. I'm beginning to feel much better and less guilty already. I'm new to this site but really like it. You seem like a nice bunch of ladies. If ever you're in London and want to meet up I live in W4. It would be nice to get together with like minded people.

Talking about holidays, I'm off tomorrow on my first Med cruise and looking forward to it very much, and more cruises if I like it. smile

goose1964 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:01:12

I agree don't go , I'm sure that if you explain nicely why you don't want to go then your daughter will accept your choice (at least I know mine would). To me child friendly means children running around noisily & with no discipline

JS06 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:02:57

I wouldn't give it a second thought about refusing.

You've got a view about these sorts of holidays and it would make you grind your teeth in anticipation of going if you feel as you do. Let the other Grandma have the 'pleasure' if she fancies it.

Enjoy your cruise x

waggingtailssl Fri 02-Sep-16 10:04:11

I'd turn it's really rather selfish of her to assume you'd want to spend your money on a holiday of your daughter in law's choosing. I suspect she is hoping for some childcare. It amazes me how many people expect their parents to look after their children. Your job as a grandparent should be to enjoy your grandchildren which isn't the same as being free and convenient childcare. You already see a lot of them so I really can't see why you should feel guilty. If the other grandmother wants to go, good luck to her. I hope you enjoy your cruise!

Bibbity Fri 02-Sep-16 10:04:38

So your daughter wants you to pay to go somewhere you don't want to go so you can effectively babysit so she can slack off?
How horrible of your daughter to guilt you over this.
Why does she need anyone to go with her? She's an adult, they're her children if she can't successfully parent them then that's her problem no one else's. She had the children.
If she brings it up again be blunt beat no and that she's not to ask again. Why isn't she capable of doing it alone?

NannyCool59 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:06:53

Just got back from a week in a cottage in this country. We paid ! Not a Thank you from DD, SIL or MIL. Loved being with the grandkids but next time think we will just take them. Wasn't DD type of holiday (likes hot sun and relax) and the type if holiday your DD has booked in Spain sounds like hell to me. In the end I think you have to accept you may love them all dearly but you don't always like what they like, or how they behave!!

luluaugust Fri 02-Sep-16 10:08:30

Enjoy your cruise. At social gathering yesterday and everybody had stories of holidays with small grandchildren which had not gone as they thought, sure you are right not to get involved on this occasion.

Everthankful Fri 02-Sep-16 10:14:47

Sounds as if they just want to have a live in nanny to be on hand to help with children If one grandmother isn't willing, get the other one.

londongirl57 Fri 02-Sep-16 10:15:52

As much as I love my daughter, I have to admit that even when we went to Bournemouth this summer for 3 days, I paid and although I'm not paying for the holiday in Spain, I would be including one of the Grand Kids for a free child place saving them nearly £350 but no thanks for it. It's almost like it's expected of me. Don't get me wrong, my daughter and I get on really well most of the time but because her and her husband aren't very well off, I'm almost expected to fork out for most things. I'm not rich by any means, just comfortable enough to live my life as I want and am semi retired.

Greyduster Fri 02-Sep-16 10:16:43

My grandson was a absolute joy when we were on holiday - it was my children who were a pain in the a**e!!

Rosina Fri 02-Sep-16 10:17:36

I have just this dilemma; our son has asked us to go away with them next year, and this is extremely flattering, but the kind of holiday they want/need with three children is my idea of hell. It will be hot and noisy, and I know that I will be grinding my teeth and trying to enjoy beaches (hate them) Disney (been there, done that, liked it years ago but don't want another go) and hundreds of children. Like many on this thread I adore my grandchildren, like little people in general,but feel a sense of horror when confronted with the noisy families who have that huge sense of 'entitlement' and let their children run around dining rooms shouting and dragging chairs,and generally creating hell for those who want a relatively civilised mealtime. They are ALWAYS there, wherever you go! It will be very expensive and I have another, far more peaceful destination in mind but cannot do both. What do we do? I think we follow our own inclinations as we can spend quality time with the family here, or have weekends away in this country in a cottage. (I have yet to say this though).

annodomini Fri 02-Sep-16 10:20:40

By the time I went on caravan holidays with DS, DiL and two GC, the children were well past the toddler stage and were able to make friends with other kids on the site. I was able to sit under a shady tree and read or go to the river with the family - whatever I wanted to do. But a hotel surrounded by other people's children? No thanks!