Holidaying with my daughter, son in law and 2 and half year old grandsons

Blimey, londongirl57's DD has got a bit of a flaming on here from some GNers! As far as I can see, the girl's simply asked her mum along on the family holiday (and if it would have saved her money and she's hard up, how sensible!). Mum's said no, as she is perfectly entitled to do, and feels a bit guilty, which she of course has no need to. There's no reason to think DD is slacking off, or taking advantage of the elderly, so why accuse her of it?

And who knows, maybe the other Gran will refuse too? The child-friendly holiday in the type of resort you describe sounds like hell to anyone of our age and an expensive hell at that. I hope you do refuse and look forward to that lovely cruise. A first cruise is very special and the Mediterranean is a good place to start. I hope you can bin the guilt, as someone suggested, and if Gran 2 does go, so what? She'll soon see, won't she?! I love spending time with "my" little ones but feel really exhausted afterwards and if yours are boys, they are usually very physical and more tiring, at least that's what I find. Factor in everyone else's kids and you have a bit of a nightmare on your hands. Spend the money on your second cruise next year, and meanwhile spend lots of time with the little ones, which will be more enjoyable than a week incarcerated in a noisy hotel in a place not of your choosing. Happy days !

Part of the year I used to live in a flat overlooking the pool of a family friendly hotel next door in a resort area of Spain.
You're a sensible woman! Stick to your guns! Such places may well be the best option for young parents desperate for a kids' club, but for everyone else a noisy, restless environment - food geared down to fussy young eaters and meal times a parent/child battleground! Go for the cruise every time! From my observation, GM is often there to prevent the kids drowning, while fond parents snooze after too much sangria!

I would thank her for asking you, explain that you love being around her kids but find other people's kids stressful but if in the future they were going on a holiday which was going to be restful for you too, you'd love to come. Tell her you hope that you hope they all have a lovely time with the other Grandmother and you can't wait to hear of their adventures when you get back. If it were me, I'd also tell them that my money at my age was finite so you have to pick and choose to get the best value out of it. Enjoy your cruise.

And to make it worse they want to go next Sept 2017 and it's my big 60 birthday in November so as you can well imagine I want to do something spectacular like a Caribbean or Asia cruise. (smile)

Don't fall for the guilt trip. You've earned the right to go on holiday where you want, when you want, how you want. I think the parents have an agenda here - grandparent guilt, and probability of free baby-sitting when parents want to go off alone. Why do so many grans feel they have to fall in with everything the next generation demands at the possible cost of not seeing the grandchildren? We grow up and we move on. We develop new interests and new enjoyments. Don't fall for it!

On the other hand, maybe your daughter does genuinely feel a bit daunted and worried about travelling and coping with two little ones on holiday and would appreciate the help and support that her own Mum could offer. It that's that case, she should offer to pay for you to accompany them

By the time I went on caravan holidays with DS, DiL and two GC, the children were well past the toddler stage and were able to make friends with other kids on the site. I was able to sit under a shady tree and read or go to the river with the family - whatever I wanted to do. But a hotel surrounded by other people's children? No thanks!

I have just this dilemma; our son has asked us to go away with them next year, and this is extremely flattering, but the kind of holiday they want/need with three children is my idea of hell. It will be hot and noisy, and I know that I will be grinding my teeth and trying to enjoy beaches (hate them) Disney (been there, done that, liked it years ago but don't want another go) and hundreds of children. Like many on this thread I adore my grandchildren, like little people in general,but feel a sense of horror when confronted with the noisy families who have that huge sense of 'entitlement' and let their children run around dining rooms shouting and dragging chairs,and generally creating hell for those who want a relatively civilised mealtime. They are ALWAYS there, wherever you go! It will be very expensive and I have another, far more peaceful destination in mind but cannot do both. What do we do? I think we follow our own inclinations as we can spend quality time with the family here, or have weekends away in this country in a cottage. (I have yet to say this though).

My grandson was a absolute joy when we were on holiday - it was my children who were a pain in the a**e!!

As much as I love my daughter, I have to admit that even when we went to Bournemouth this summer for 3 days, I paid and although I'm not paying for the holiday in Spain, I would be including one of the Grand Kids for a free child place saving them nearly £350 but no thanks for it. It's almost like it's expected of me. Don't get me wrong, my daughter and I get on really well most of the time but because her and her husband aren't very well off, I'm almost expected to fork out for most things. I'm not rich by any means, just comfortable enough to live my life as I want and am semi retired.

Sounds as if they just want to have a live in nanny to be on hand to help with children If one grandmother isn't willing, get the other one.

Enjoy your cruise. At social gathering yesterday and everybody had stories of holidays with small grandchildren which had not gone as they thought, sure you are right not to get involved on this occasion.

Just got back from a week in a cottage in this country. We paid ! Not a Thank you from DD, SIL or MIL. Loved being with the grandkids but next time think we will just take them. Wasn't DD type of holiday (likes hot sun and relax) and the type if holiday your DD has booked in Spain sounds like hell to me. In the end I think you have to accept you may love them all dearly but you don't always like what they like, or how they behave!!

So your daughter wants you to pay to go somewhere you don't want to go so you can effectively babysit so she can slack off?
How horrible of your daughter to guilt you over this.
Why does she need anyone to go with her? She's an adult, they're her children if she can't successfully parent them then that's her problem no one else's. She had the children.
If she brings it up again be blunt beat no and that she's not to ask again. Why isn't she capable of doing it alone?

I'd turn it around.....it's really rather selfish of her to assume you'd want to spend your money on a holiday of your daughter in law's choosing. I suspect she is hoping for some childcare. It amazes me how many people expect their parents to look after their children. Your job as a grandparent should be to enjoy your grandchildren which isn't the same as being free and convenient childcare. You already see a lot of them so I really can't see why you should feel guilty. If the other grandmother wants to go, good luck to her. I hope you enjoy your cruise!

I wouldn't give it a second thought about refusing.

You've got a view about these sorts of holidays and it would make you grind your teeth in anticipation of going if you feel as you do. Let the other Grandma have the 'pleasure' if she fancies it.

Enjoy your cruise x

I agree don't go , I'm sure that if you explain nicely why you don't want to go then your daughter will accept your choice (at least I know mine would). To me child friendly means children running around noisily & with no discipline

Thanks so much everyone for your opinions. I'm beginning to feel much better and less guilty already. I'm new to this site but really like it. You seem like a nice bunch of ladies. If ever you're in London and want to meet up I live in W4. It would be nice to get together with like minded people.

Talking about holidays, I'm off tomorrow on my first Med cruise and looking forward to it very much, and more cruises if I like it. smile

That puts a different light on it londongirl , there are lots of `hot blackpool` type holiday resorts in Spain and I would not want to spend that amount of money in that case . It also can be totally exhausting being in the company of young children, I know from experience . Our family holidays are spent in places we all like so I have the option to go off on my own sometimes .

My idea of hell too! Dont feel guilt tripped by saying no to your family, I went on holiday with my daughter and grankids never again all they wanted was a bloody 24/7 baby sitter!

? my idea of hell, other people's children on holiday! I am very tolerant of my own GCs and their noise, but even a week of fun with them can get very exhausting at our age if there is nowhere to retreat to for a spot of peace and quiet. I agree that an apartment or villa is a much better idea with young children.

Yes, I would have my own room in the hotel and could possibly spend a couple of days doing my own thing but really where they have chosen to go in Spain really isn't my cup of tea. And no, they are not paying. They won't go to a villa because they said that they want a hotel with everything provided for so the boys don't get bored and start kicking up a fuss. I went to Bournemouth for 3 days with them this summer and that was enough to put me off!!

Don't go if you don't want to.

I'm sure the MIL will be delighted to be asked, just as long as she doesn't find out she's second choice!

No, you are not in the wrong. So your DD will ask the other grandmother? So what? That, surely, has nothing to do with your decision.

There's nothing wrong with knowing your own mind and preferences. Bin the guilt, especially as your daughter "has made you" feel guilty. She's the one with the problem. Making people feel guilty about a choice like this is not a nice thing to do.