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I'm going to completely loose the plot or throw myself off a cliff.

(50 Posts)
morethan2 Thu 27-Oct-16 17:43:25

I just want to cry and cry and cry. I feel like I've just had enough. What makes it worse it's for such a pathetic reason. It all started this morning when I got an email from TalkTalk saying I'd reached my limit on my mobile.
I haven't been able to find my mobile since I went on holiday mid September. I thought I'd put it away at home and couldn't remember where. (I only found my purse a week ago) Anyway I went into a complete panic and thought I'd lost in abroad and it was being used. I tried for 30 mins to get through on the landline and eventually got through to an out of hours helpline. I couldn't understand her, she couldn't understand me. This went on for 50 mins. It turned out I'd been put through to Vodafone so that why they couldn't block my phone. So now I'm late for work but have to wait for half an hour for the TalkTalk call centre to open. I get through yes they can help. Answered all the questions, but couldn't remember my mobile number. (having less trouble than last time but still hard to understand each other) I tell her we only have one landline and two Mobiles. NO I can't remember the make,but yes it's white. She blocks it. I put down the phone and realise wrong mobiles been blocked.
I go to work late all fussed up and anxious. I've come home cancelled going to my granddaughters birthday dinner. Decide to look for my mobile. No luck because every draw in my house is full of shite. It's everywhere. Bits of paper, letters, all shoved into every conceivable space. It's got into this state because of the family crisis and I'm spending so much time looking after my grandchildren and that means I'm never going to get on top of it. work is challenging and stressful. I feel like there's massive demands made of me in the family but can't say no when my DiL so very ill. can't telephone my husband because I've blocked his mobile. When he comes home on the surface he'll be sympathetic but I know he'll be metaphorically rolling his eyes. When he starts helping he won't be able to help himself criticising the amount of paper,books all manner of shite around the house. I've got to take the three little uns out tommorow, I feel ashamed I'm not managing. I can't share it with the family because their worried enough. What the f__k have I done with my MOBILE!

DAncer66 Thu 27-Oct-16 17:59:54

oh, morethan2, I do hope you feel a little better for posting that.
Better out than in I say.
Now take a deep breath and think tomorrow is another day.

I hope it all works out and soon.

Ana Thu 27-Oct-16 18:05:47

morethan2 if you've reached your limit on your mobile, does that mean that you can't make any more calls from it? In which case, even if you have lost it no one will be able to use it.

I'm sure TalkTalk will unblock your husband's phone if you explain what happened (I know it's a pain having to phone them back, but...)

Good luck!

Charleygirl Thu 27-Oct-16 18:07:55

A member of the family or a friend must know your mobile number- why not ask them to ring you and you may be able to locate the phone if it is in the house.

Hilltopgran Thu 27-Oct-16 18:14:01

Sending a virtual hug, the house can wait, people are more important and in times of family crisis we Grans feel we have to be strong and undertake more than we can really manage.

I do hope you can find some space to give yourself a break, the phone is not important, my OH lost his got a new phone had it all set up on his existing number by the shop, was not difficult, then I found his old one under the bed.

Cherrytree59 Thu 27-Oct-16 18:17:59

Oh dear Morethan you have certainly more than enough on your plate.
As good as mobiles are, they can also cause big problems!
I hope at some point tonight you are able to sit down with a glass of wine
And take some deep breathes.

flowers wishing you a better day tomorrow

Synonymous Thu 27-Oct-16 18:18:25

Oh, poor you morethan! It is so often the little things which tip us over the edge, isn't it. You probably need to have a really good cry and just let it all go before taking some big deep breaths.

Is there anyone else from the wider family or even friends who could help take the strain?

((hugs)) and flowers

Alima Thu 27-Oct-16 18:21:44

I know nothing about mobiles more than but reading the replies many have had helpful info for you. Hoping that problem will be sorted soon. I do hope you are able to take some time for yourself, take tomorrow off work maybe to give yourself a breather. Take care.

Casawan Thu 27-Oct-16 18:39:07

OMG, poor you. As someone else said, if you've reached your phone's limit no one will be able to use it, so it's not urgent right now, and I'd get your DH to sort out the issue with his phone. Then take yourself off to bed, or at least get some undisturbed 'metime' ASAP. Drawers full of shite are a minor issue and if your DH doesn't like it, he could put it right. You cannot do everything, so stop beating yourself up. Get some rest and you will have a little more energy for tomorrow. Sounds like you have more than enough to cope with and my heart goes out to you.

Wobblybits Thu 27-Oct-16 18:44:45

Also, if it is at home, the battery will have run out by now, so you won't be able to ring it.

I.m sure they will be able to block it for you and you can then get a new phone. Things like this really do pile up on one, I know just how you feel. I could throw myself off a small hill atm, not quite up to a cliff yet.

BlueBelle Thu 27-Oct-16 19:01:10

If you can ring talk talk again they should be able to locate where it was last used thst may give you a clue or at least prove which country it's in

Luckygirl Thu 27-Oct-16 19:01:19

morethan2 - you poor thing. This mobile problem was clearly the last straw for a very very overloaded camel!

When you are working and involved in lots of child care, as well as all your family worries, then tidiness has to take second, third or even fourth place. I know how frustrating it is - I too have looked at the muddle sometimes and though "How the hell did it all build up so; and what the hell can I do about it?"

Do take the weight off your feet, sit down with a nice glass of something and have a rest. It is possible to get into such a whirl of activity that you forget to give yourself an opportunity to recharge. Looking after yourself is just as important as all the other valuable and valued things that you are doing.

I have in my time been driven to total exasperation by trying to get through to phone companies and felt like hurling the thing out of the window. Definitely akin to banging one's head against a brick wall. Grrr!

Look after yourself - take a wee break.

FarNorth Thu 27-Oct-16 19:03:46

Your DH will likely have the number of your phone. Ask him, as already suggested, to sort out unblocking his phone and also blocking yours.

Ask him, also, to help you with all of the responsibilities you have. You don't have to struggle alone.

I hope you feel a bit better after a night's rest and can start to think of how other people, maybe friends, could help you if you ask them.

(If you want to cry, just do that. It may help.)

cornergran Thu 27-Oct-16 19:13:21

Something has to be the last straw and I guess the mobile was it today, morethan. It's always something small that does it, or it is with me. Please don't worry about the 'stuff', it's not important just now. When I think about the overall pressure and the complexity of the situation of course I'm not surprised the phone was overwhelming. Good advice here already, try for some quiet time just for yourself, even if it's just 10 minutes a day it will help. Could you delegate some tidying to your husband if it's worrying you? Or worrying him? Could you have a day away from work and sleep if that would help? Is there anyone you can talk to about your own feelings? I know it's all easier said than done, not nagging, just trying to help. I was once told very firmly that if I didn't look after myself I could not care for others. I see it now, but at the time it seemed impossible. In the end I crashed and had to, please don't do what I did. A little bit of time now will help you care for others. You have nothing to feel ashamed about, you are managing wonderfully. flowers. I hope the wretched thing has turned up now.

cornergran Thu 27-Oct-16 19:15:29

wobbly please care for yourself, too.

Christinefrance Thu 27-Oct-16 19:35:36

Morethan sorry things are so fraught for you at present, do try and take a little time for yourself to recharge. Do a few minutes tidying each day if it's worrying you or ignore the rolling eyes and ask your husband to help or other family if they can. It's true that if you don't care for yourself you can't help others. Wish there was more I could help with, bon courage.

Jalima Thu 27-Oct-16 19:46:35

Sit down, calm down and work out what the priorities area. flowers already in water so you don't have to chuck them in the bin arrange them.

Going out with the DGC tomorrow is a priority.
We did manage before we had mobiles but they are very useful in case we have an emergency.
If we have an emergency then there will always be someone around (unless we are up a mountain with the DGC) who can phone (I am always forgetting to take mine out with me!! It is not really part of my life, the DC roll their eyes in despair).

You can't do the paperwork today (or tomorrow) but perhaps you can sort it bit by bit over the next few weeks.

When I was abroad I was going to put my mobile into my glass of lager because I got so frustrated trying to speak to someone to top it up.
However, it wasn't the poor mobile's fault, it was my credit card company - because I hadn't told them I was going overseas they blocked the transaction.

Re the blocking - I do remember the time that the daft but lovely girl in the bank blocked the wrong card and I was left with a trolley full of food at Tesco, a large queue behind me - and a very red face .....

Jalima Thu 27-Oct-16 19:47:52

Hope you have a better day tomorrow sunshine

Lona Thu 27-Oct-16 20:01:52

Oh poor you more than, it's such a horrible feeling when everything is going wrong and you just can't face it all.
You do need to take a little break to rest for an hour or so and try to calm down. You and your family are what's important. Ask your husband to help you with the phones,and enjoy your grandchildren tomorrow. Hugs and flowers

Jalima Thu 27-Oct-16 20:08:02

Dear St Anthony
Full of Grace
Lead me to its hiding place

Is the paperwork/shite all yours or can your DH start sorting and leave yours where it is?
Can he sort out the mobile phone for you?


morethan2 Fri 28-Oct-16 08:12:16

Thank you one and all. I knew I was being a drama queen but I was just so overwhelmed. A lot of the time I cope but then things build into such a big crescendo then whoosh I go completely over the top. Seeing everyone suffer so much for so long is awful. My husband came home, rolled his eyes and contacted TalkTalk so that bit is sorted. The back of the settee and down the sides are clean as a whistle but no mobile. The paperwork is still overwhelming and that is because ive gone down the route 'everything else can wait while I deal with the crisis' but after nearly 10 months it's become a mountain so it will have to be dealt with.I've had a bit of a virus so was probably a bit low. I'm going to moan again so here goes. I think I'm being a bit maudlin. In my head I know my DiL family are having a much worse time of it than me. I'm so full of admiration at their bravery and stoism but that makes me feel like a wimp and feel ashamed of myself. At work I'm training some new staff. These are the women that will eventually take over my job. Their lovely and I like them . They are so enthusiastic, bright and up to date they make me realise I'm past my best. All my older relatives who I've leaned on, relied on, loved and who've loved me all my life are either dead or becoming very frail. It makes me feel like everything I hold dear in my world is collapsing. I do try and make the most of the time we have but I look at my family and can see the effect this is having on them all. The 8 year old has become ultra sensitive and I look at the two littler ones and feel sad that their little lives may soon be filled with grief. My poor son is holding it together but I can feel his pain and anxiety. Somtimes our future looks so bleak. I'm so emotionally and physically drained. I could go and see my doctor who knows what's going on and is very supportive but what can she do? I rather not take pills (I realise I may have to in the end but not just yet) she could sign me off work, but that may make me sit and brood and it doesn't sit comfortably with me. I know somthing is going to give and soon but what to do about it? I will ask at work if I can draw my pension but go on a new contract with shorter hours. I don't think I'd cope with the sudden STOP if I completely retired. I think I need to wind down slowly. Oh dear what a bloody mess.

rubylady Fri 28-Oct-16 08:23:10

morethan get some files or boxes to sort out your paperwork as you go along. And burn or shred the ones you don't want or need.

Try to have a word with your DiL and see if anything can be bought to help with her illness, anything to make her life easier which makes yours easier in turn. Does her own mum have the children? Does your son give her a break/do the housework etc for them all? Can she get some outside help with a babysitter or cleaner? Then your workload would be lessened and you would be less stressed.

Phone Talk Talk back and unblock your husband's phone and block yours, then buy a new phone for yourself. If you can't understand the person you are talking to, ask for someone else to talk to, I have in the past.

Rome wasn't built in a day and if you have a lot going on, how are you supposed to sort out bits of paper? Get your husband to do his share or at least make your tea while you sort some out. He could do the washing too, while he's there. And then wash up after tea.

Give yourself a time limit, say half an hour and then have a break. Make a brew, take a breath and then go back to it. Even get the grandchildren involved in tidying up a bit, why not? They have to learn how to keep house. I do think these days that we pander to children and do fun things all the time, nothing wrong with a bit of helping gran out. My ED used to "dust" for me when she was little, she loved to help. Put some music on to dance to while you do it. Tell them you're getting ready for Father Christmas to visit. grin

And then have a good rest and sleep. You deserve it.

We are supergrans and we rock!

BlueBelle Fri 28-Oct-16 08:29:29

Morethan I know that feeling when everything seems to be running away with you and almost like the walls are closing in on a little you stuck up to your knees in the middle and you can't find your way out
Everyone on here has given you some good ideas i have found lists are a good one they have to be managerable but every tick off does give you a satisfaction I also can't bear resorting to tablets but have found St Johns Wort ( herbal) to be helpful but not immediate by any means Can you have fun with the grandkids and completely throw the head of muddles out for a few hours the muddles will still be there when you hand them back, if you have enough money could a cleaner even if just for a few weeks help with any household stuff Burn any blooming papers not current or needed again burning stuff is very symbolic of cleaning out and a fresh start Not sure of the kids ages but could you make a game of clearing out ( bonfire?) or even a treasure hunt to find the mobile Have you got a filing cabinet for papers so much easier than drawers These are only small things but put them altogether and they might help
I feel for you and wish I could come round and give you a hand

rubylady Fri 28-Oct-16 08:29:42

morethan I'm also drowning in a house that needs sorting, not helped by me buying some delicious new things for myself now that my DS has left. I too, have felt like throwing the towel in due to my health and being left on my own to do it and no one caring. It does seem like the easier option at times but then I wouldn't be able to invite anyone here and my social life would not take off like I want it to. So I will do it, for myself. I have got some paid help in to do jobs for me and slowly it is getting organised. He has only been gone five weeks now and it is not too bad. Paperwork needs doing, boxes bought, bedroom needs tidying of clothes to throw/keep etc. But, if I get tired I have to sleep. It will get done, somehow, sometime.

Take care love. X

Anya Fri 28-Oct-16 08:33:57

Firstly morethan I'm sending you a big (((hug))). You have so much going on in your life and you're trying to be strong for everyone plus hold down a job.

Firstly I think you really ought to see your GP and get signed off....just for a couple of weeks. Then when you go back you can perhaps arranged the new hours you were talking about.

Use the time off wisely. Get up later, have a leasurely bath/shower and sit down with a decent breakfast. Set aside an hour each day to tackle the 'paperwork' build up. Make yourself a playlist with your favourite songs and sit and listen to them. Have a good cry and let it all out.

And keep posting on GN. You write very well and straight from the heart. There are many of us who can emphasise and we'd like to hear from you xx