I've gotta go....welll haven't I

morethan Eight weeks ago my DS left for university. I was on my knees. I couldn't function properly regardless of my health problems. I was at an all time low, not depressed, but absolutely worn out. I was scared how I was going to cope without him here to help me but at the same time, because he had caused me so much stress, I wanted time away from him too. I needed it. I wouldn't like to say what would have happened if I hadn't got it.

I ordered in some luxury ready made food (for the iron in the meat) and did nothing but rest, sleep, eat and watch drivel on tele that would keep my mind off what had been going on and how I was feeling. I did this for about a week or so. Then, when I had got myself back a little bit, I phoned a new cleaner up, a decorator lady and a gardener. All on board, they have helped me in the last few weeks to get the house turned around and into the gorgeous little palace it is now becoming. I would have been lost without them and honestly, I think I would have gone under. As it is, I now look forward to my cleaner coming and having a chat, moving onto the next stage of sorting out and feeling optimistic.

You really do need to take time out for yourself now. You will be no use to anyone if you go under too. It is so easily done when all the plates are spinning and you have no time for your own health, be it physical or mental. You need to look after both, very keenly. Let your brain relax. Try some mindfulness, or deep breathing exercises, even if it is only for a few minutes a day.

Do you have anyone at home who could make you some nourishing meals to restore you? Some good soup or broth, maybe take a tonic (I've just ordered Sanatogen Tonic Wine with added Iron). I think it takes a long time for us to realise that we need to look after ourselves, we have been doing the caring for others all our lives and are not used to putting ourselves first but you really do need to for a few weeks.

Now that I have had a break from my DS and got my strength mentally back a bit, I am looking forward to seeing him again in three weeks when he is home. I couldn't have done that a few weeks ago. It is not a weakness, it is your body saying time out, let's take a rest a while, please.

If one of us were asking for your advice, what would it be? Right, now take that advice yourself. We all care about you, please look after yourself now. Lots of hugs. Xxx

I'm so pleased that you've made this decision morethan. You really need to get away from all the stress of your job before you have a breakdown. I truly think that now you know you'll be going, you won't feel anything like as stressed, but will be secretly counting the days.
A bit like Jane10, I counted off the weeks by making a poster of bright yellow sad faces, each one representing all the Monday mornings I had left to work. The very last one was a bright yellow smiley face!
I wish you all the very best

Great news!

If you're NHS you should be able to do a work down for the last 3 months, dropping a day each month till you only work 2 days a week. Between the work down and the annual leave I was due my final months were almost good again!

Think positive!

Swanny's right. Start offloading work now. I gave 6months notice and that worked well. I assume you're waiting till the end of the tax year to boost your pension a bit. I set up a list of days till D day and loved checking them off. Another NHS joy is attending meetings where they set the dates for next meeting and you wont be there. Its amazingly liberating.
This is a good time to start planning and dreaming. There are so many difficult aspects to your life right now but it truly won't always be as bad. Very good luck to you!

Congratulations morethan! I'm so pleased you didn't stress yourself even more by delaying the decision. Don't leave room to start questioning your wise decision - think instead of how much easier it will be when you don't have to go to that place. Make sure your colleagues know you are leaving in four and a half months and start off-loading your workload NOW. You'll be surprised how quickly the time goes and don't forget to take all your accrued leave days

I'm pleased you are feeling a little better morethan. Just a bit concerned as March is a long way off. Maybe consider some sick leave to recover just a bit? We have to care for ourselves if we are to care for others. .

It always feels better when a decision is made, especially when it is the right one. See if your GP can also give you a bit of sick leave to recharge - there is only so much one body can take.

Please look after yourself as well as all those around you.

Good! I bet you feel better already having done that, and you have time to plan now how you want to spend your free time

So glad you have given in your notice, morethan.
Please also see your GP and consider taking some sick leave .
Good luck....and hugs.

Oh yes , please take some sick / annual leave ......... get a break NOW

Well done! But March is a long time away.
Take some sick leave now, at least for a few weeks.

I did it. I took my letter in today asking to go at the end of March. I do feel a little better that the decision has been made. Thanks everyone for your supportive posts.

The advice on here is overwhelming, morethan2. It really is a no brainer. Just DO it. Please. And you won't regret it. It's just making that final decision that's so hard, but for your own sake you really must make it.?

You have way too much to contend with at the moment, why keep on doing this Job if it is driving you crazy? I would say, like many of the other posters that IF you can afford it then leave. If you cannot afford it then you will just have to take a deep breath and get on with it otherwise you will be giving yourself more problems.

Either way I would certainly say see the GP, take some time off and relax a bit if possible with everything else you have going on.

If you do leave , of course you won't fester!!, think of all the things you have wanted to do and never had time for, and if you really don't want to be at home all the time then volunteer a day or two a week, no pressure with that.
I wish I could retire I too am sick and tired of working, in a way I am lucky to work from home, but in some ways that is worse as it is always there, but at least I dont have office politics to deal with, and the company I work for are really good and on the ball. I just get on with it, if I need them or we have a system fault or whatever they are on it like a shot, best company I ever worked for ....I still want to retire though so I can enjoy some of the things I like to do before i shuffle off. Cannot afford to though so that's that !
Morethan and for you x

morethan2 please take notice of all these posts. We all recognise the enormous stress you are experiencing at the moment and urge you to stop making yourself more ill. Don't hold it in anymore, go to your GP in the morning and get signed off for as long as necessary to make time to think calmly about your next step. It's understandable to feel that by carrying on working you could distract yourself from all your worries but you now know that's just not happening.

Part-time in your job is not an option as I suspect you would try to cram full-time work into less hours. You say you deferred your pension in March - don't hesitate too much longer. Make time to smell the daisies (((hugs))) and

I retired from very stressful job best thing I did you have been dealt a bad hand and my heart goes out to you you need to look after yourself as well as others take care ?

Agree with those who say take some space. Whether via sick leave or unpaid leave. Is a sabbatical possible? Many people don't return after one. Clear your head and then make a final decision. Just be honest with you GP if you decide on the sick leave route, they will understand!

I also felt at risk of some sort of collapse in the NHS. I was past my minimum retirement age and said I would quit. I was offered the opportunity to work on a sessional basis with a specific focus. It took the aggravation away and was my salvation! I continued for another four years, cut my hours by half and more importantly did what I enjoyed. I was so lucky.

Please get some space for yourself morethan, your GP would certainly understand the need to opt out to make your decision, I would suggest at least 6 weeks, two to sleep and rest, two to decide and the final two to regain some strength.

Whatever you decide I hope you can feel stronger very soon.

In answer to the original question (in other words) "should I go or should I stay?" - my answer would be GO - no question about it. Forget reasoning you've done all of that - give yourself permission to let go of something (not your sanity). Take control of the one thing in your life that you have some sort of control of - or is that the problem? Are you hanging on to your job as a sort of lifeline to opt out/excuse yourself from having the time to deal with the other stuff? Just asking?

morethan2 I worked in an NHS SHA and I felt like you did sitting in those interminable meetings where nothing much was achieved. The SHA was scrapped and subsumed into the new behemoth Public Health England. So now on top of the corporate "NHS speak", I had to contend with bureaucracy like never seen before. I had become very "moany" at home and was permanently tired. Most of my colleagues hung on for a hoped for redundancy, but I had reached the "I can't do this anymore" stage, just like you.

So I bailed. Best thing I ever did. I took up walking, my mood improved, the moaning stopped, I'm relaxed, I cook, knit, socialise and 2.5 years on I know I made the right decision.

Whatever you decide, it is clear that something needs to change. And - as my late FIL used to say 'Nothing changes until you change it".

Just what everyone else says Morethan. Get off the treadmill now before you collapse. And that will only add to the family stress. Your family needs your help so you will hardly be sitting at home twiddling your thumbs.

If you enjoyed your job and it helped you take your mind off your family problems, it would be a different matter. But you have said that is not the case. It is draining you dry. I left work when there was a family crisis. So glad I did. I haven't regretted it once and I have never had a moment to feel bored.

My heart goes out to you and your family during this very difficult time.

Just go sick more than and when you can see more clearly you will realise that you need to leave.
You have far too much on your plate to deal with a stressful job too.

Go on sick. Rest and recuperate then think about retiring. Don't make any decisions until you're thinking more clearly.

With only a fraction of your stresses on my plate I took early retirement from the NHS when I was 55 and it's the best thing I've done.

If you can afford it, GO NOW! You'll be no good to anyone who needs you if you carry on until you drop. It sounds like there's plenty to keep you busy, so festering at home is surely unlikely?

If retirement just isn't possible for you, then get signed off work for a few weeks and give yourself time to breathe.

If you can afford it, then leave!

I had to retire early and you do manage.
My BF retired early from teaching because of the pressures

Otherwise ask to be signed off sick and see how you feel after some time away from work

Morethan I'm so sorry you are going through all this. The worry about your DiL and grandchildren must be overwhelming.

Although the NHS holds a quasi-religion status in this country, it is a terrible employer and just exploits its dedicated staff.

Just go, leave them all to it, and save your reserves of strength - you will need them.