It's me again...I'm so sorry but if I ask my friends/family they have their own agenda when they give their opinion. I have deferred my pension, I could have retired in march. I didn't because of the awful news about my DiL terminal illness. I just put one foot in front of the other for a long time, just doing my normal routine between bouts of near hysteria. I just couldn't make an informed decision because I was so horrified I felt the terror was clouding my judgment. Today I've been to a meeting, the sort we all hate. In order to be able to get through it I 'put myself in an imaginary box' but I've just realised that if I keep having to deal with all the changes I'm going to go mad, I really feel like I'll have a massive breakdown, I just can't stand much more. I just want to shout at the management "it's not the fact that my DiL is dying, it's not that my young grandchildren will be motherless, it's not that my army son is somwhere hot a dangerous, it's not that my elderly MiL is slowly dying 200 miles away and asking to see me and I can't get there that's causing me to feel like this its you, its this place
The constant, changes, the fact that my timetable is so tight I miss out on updates and find out thing 6 months later. It's that their more interested in ticking boxes than they are about clients health or mine and it's the sodden NHS who should know better. I should go shouldn't I. I don't know why I'm even asking it obvious, It just seems so final. It's been so long since I was a stay at homer I worry I'll get depressed and just fester.
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