Should I phone my grandchild on his mobile

Well said Icanhandthemback , keep in touch with your grandson bless him x

Controlled children have a habit of rebelling as soon as they reach a certain age and they won't be told who they can love and talk to. Your time will come. Well done for keeping contact in the face of such adversity.

I think you should stay in touch. Try short sharp texting at a time when he can call you back. Texting at homework time is a distraction so I am not surprised they asked you not to do it. You can always text him at lunch time, they should have no objection to that. He is getting older now so as other have said before he will be his own person soon. Just send cheery texts or letters (which could be withheld don't forget) and keep in touch. Tell him you love him loads and keep your fingers crossed that dil will come round to accepting you. Never criticize them, after all they are the parents. Never make crafty remarks about them. Never openly disagree with what they tell him to do. It will work out for you I am sure.

For 2 years my exDiL stopped me seeing my DGC. I kept in touch by sending funny cards, silly gifts, money etc. I didn't hear from them, but my DS kept in touch and let me know that he made sure they received them. Eventually my DS found the courage to leave his wife, met a lovely girl, and although they live miles away they bring the children to see me regularly. Keep in touch and your grandson will always remember how much you love him. He is growing up fast and it wont be long before he can contact you without his mothers permission.

My goodness ... How I relate to your post. My GS is fourteen but is not allowed a mobile phone yet. Whenever I try to ring the landline my son and DIL don't answer ... They have caller display ... I know they are there (had a friend try the number once when they didn't pick up!). I am desperate to keep in touch with my GS but all I can do is write letters at this point. Waiting for the day he's old enough to make his own decisions. (He's a fabulous lad btw and we always have a great time on the rare occasions I get to see him - they are 190 miles away... ? )

I know from experience they are enough to make one paranoid, but it sounds as if regular social media messages are worth doing.

Jmf how painful. I am sorry.
What about instigating a postal correspondence? A long, chatty letter? He might even find he enjoys writing back.... Old fashioned, I know, but it might be worth a go.
Good luck
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So sorry to hear your story. I think you should keep texting it's the best thing to do for now. How will this DIL be when your gs is older. If he wants to see you which he may do there is nothing she can do then. Sorry to say this but it comes from the heart she sounds a very hard person.

Jemf bet you are a lovely grandma and it's a shame to be in the situation that you find yourself in . I am like some other posters and feel your grandson needs someone to talk to especially now he has mentioned bullying can you try and get his parents to agree certain times when you can speak to him in privacy if that he wants don't give up .

Ask your GS to drop-call you, then you can call him back to save his credit.

I wonder is there any chance of improving your relationship with your DIL ?

Jfm DO not give up on your grandson! HE QUITE OBVIOUSLY LOVES YOU, LOVES YOUR CONVERSATIONS ON THE PHONE, JUST ASK HIM WHAT THE BEST TIME WOULD BE TO PHONE. sorry about the caps! Don't give up on your son either. Good luck

Just hang in there and keep in touch with him. It is right that as he gets older he will be more independent. Whatever happens, do not think you are paranoid or abnormal, you are a loving grandmother!

In my experience, teenagers use apps like Whatsapp and Instagram probably more than straightforward texting as these are apparently less easy to monitor by nosy parents. Snap chat is a photo messaging service where photos disappear once sent.

Maybe one of these would be an easier way of staying in touch?

So sorry for you but you have done really well to keep the contact this long. And as grannypiper said it wont be long before he turns up with his suitcase.

Texts are wonderful.........can you buy him extra texts on his phone package as a treat.........

Just a text every couple of days to say something cheerful is fab..

So difficult for you jefm but don't give up. Keep texting and in contact where you can whilst respecting the parents wishes however controlling they are.
When your grandson is older he will make his own choices and will appreciate your support. Good luck.

A very sad situation for both you and your Grandson. The parents sound very controlling and this will come back to bite them when he is older . I agree with grannypiper he will turn up with his suitcase when he is old enough ! Keep in touch with him via texts and ask him to let you know when he is free for you to call , if the parents are monitoring his phone they cannot object to this surely? xx

So glad to hear that you won't give up jefm. Your relationship with your DGS is so important. I am lucky that I see my DGC several times weekly now (as I am always called upon for so called emergencies, picking up and dropping off at school etc as well as having them at weekends when they stay with DS who lives with me).

DGS had a mobile bought by his dad (at his ex partner's insistence) but it is always mysteriously broken, out of power, charger lost and so on. Sadly now he is getting older he is realising that his Mum is very controlling though of course he loves her dearly as he should of course. It worries me that he is placed in a position where he has to deal with the emotions of loved adults and walk a careful path to keep the peace at only 9 years old. As others have said 'unconditional love' will hopefully give him the strength he needs.

Thank you so much after 11 years of fighting to stay in there today I felt so much like giving up. Yes it has always appeared a mixture of them being regimented and controlling and certainly knowing that he likes a softer approach is what they fear unless they decide who gives it. I will stay in there through texts offering him the opportunity to call when he knows he can. Thanks to all for your kind words.

Keep on in there, they are worth fighting for.

jefm the very fact you DGS calls and texts you tells you all you need to know. He obviously feels he can confide in you, keep the comms open. One day he will knock on your door with a suitcase in his hands.

The reference to bullying worried me. A child who is bullied at home and perhaps at school really needs someone who has no agenda and just loves him unconditionally. Stay in his life jefm. You've managed 12 years. It's not long till he will have more independence and will be able to build on the relationship you have nurtured this far. There might be a rocky couple of years between now and then, but then you can do it. Well done for getting this far, and good luck.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation jefm, how hard for you and your grandson. Texting to arrange an OK time to chat seems a good way forward. You must have been successful in cementing your relationship with your grandson or he wouldn't want to speak with you. It could be that you are his rebellion, I suspect more likely that you offer him unconditional love and he is responding to that. When he is older you may find he visits you. I hope so.

jefm maybe your DGS's routine is to do his homework straight away when he gets in from school. This is what my DGC do. Why don't you try a bit later or text him and ask a good time to talk. I admit it sounds a bit odd that they are trying to restrict your access when you are having a good relationship with your DGS but perhaps they are aware of him having trouble about school and would rather he talk to them about it. Whatever happens, I hope you keep in touch.