Hi everyone I'm putting myself out there to all you experienced grandparents coz my problem is eating me up at the moment and I'd love to hear your thoughts of wisdom.
My hubby & I have 2 young babies 2 yrs & 6 months. He also has 2 older children 14&17 my 2 step kids, who see us every week. I'm proud we all have a very solid 'blended family'. We've been together 10 years and for most of it I've been the main bread winner providing for our family. It's been a joy as a adore children.
In all of this I bought my own home years ago by saving up a deposit over 15 years hard work, I welcomed my partner and his 2 children making my home theirs.
My hubbies mum and dad used to visit us unannounced a couple times a week for years, often when we were still in bed on a Sat or Sun morning . My hubby hated it and so did I , my family always ring up beforehand to make sure it's convenient to call. However we put up with it as his mum made us feel awkward that she couldn't see her grandchildren as often as her son was now divorced. Every time she'd call it was always 'hello, we've just called to see our kids, my babies etc...' I turned a blind eye to this even though it was a pain in the butt and an invasion of our privacy.
Anyway after going through various heartaches re miscarriages we ended up with a beautiful baby of our own. It was an extremely traumatic birth and I nearly lost my life. However thanks the Lord I'm still here! However after asking everyone could they please call beforehand to make arrangements to visit as we didn't want too many visitors together etc...they decided to ignore that request & kept coming around unannounced often while I was breast feeding or tired, then getting a face on when I didn't come dutifully downstairs at their request!
I could write a book, but all I'm looking for is how to deal with this situation from all you lovely experienced grans out there. Before I was pregnant by the way I felt she tolerated me, I always made more effort than her regularly taking her flowers etc...however once I got pregnant OMG it was like ' we'll have to go shopping together' I was 'whooooooaaa' you've never asked this of me in the last 8 years and all of a sudden you actually want to get to know me??!!
On my birthday I got no messages, my hubby got a card posted through the letterbox on his birthday as they said well not knock were we are not welcome! They text or call my hubbies 2 other children weekly as they're teenage and they meet up with them regularly. They also pay for their school hols amounting to hundreds of pounds. They fail to ring their son or I however to ask if they could pop over to see their other 2 baby grandchildren. His mum says to my hubby I'm not ringing up to ask to see you like making an appointment at the doctors, ive never been more insulted! However the way I been brought up is have respect for every family & home coz there's so much going on in there you need to drop by on a convenient time for all.
We have since been tarred in the family that we don't let them see their grandchildren (we do but on a distance basis unfortunately, we go to theirs every 8-10 weeks then make it clear don't forget to call us when you want to see us but they don't bother). But they call my hubbies 2 teenage children every week to arrange to see them & buy them lots and give them money. My mum by the way has always given my step childrens weekly pocket money for 10 years, now she gives her 2 grandchildren and step grandchildren the same every week.
I'd love to know your advice on how to deal with this situation please. My hubbys mother has always ruled the roost, is passive-aggressive, negative, judgemental, opinionated. I'm a mature career woman who will not be pushed around and be manipulated! How do I deal with this please? I'm lost at the moment as I hate friction and love everyone to live in harmony but this woman seems to create or want drama everyehere she goes. Ironically she's a devout Church goer but fails to respect our family boundaries or beliefs? Please help all your advise is most welcome at this a very hard time in my life. Thank you xxxxxx
Happy16 Wed 30-Nov-16 01:24:16
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