help me i havent bonded with gc number 7

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself. Give it time! Boys and girls are so different there will be something you see in one that you don't see in the other. Make it a fun thing. Don't forget the little boy needs love too as well as his sister. Don't leave him out, try and keep in touch, ask for photos if you cannot actually see him. I know it is difficult when you cannot hug in person, but try skype so that you can see him growing up. The bonding will come eventually.

OP, I think you're experiencing something that's quite common. We invest so much in our first grandchild that it's hard to see where there is room for a second. However, even if it doesn't happen straight away, this little boy will melt your heart.

I have GCs in their late teens and been involved with them from birth although one DIL always favoured her M for babysitting. Now I have a two yearold GS who I have seen only three times. A new baby is due in the new year and I dont know if I shall ever see that one. It is all in laws for when mum works birthday Christmas etc. In laws live locally to me so a pop in would not be out of the way. I am so upset and hurt at being ignored and have had counselling to cope. I also have 3 GGC whonlive at the other end of the country but see them more often. Dreading the birth in the New Year and trying to bond.

Everyone is different, and your feelings (or lack of them) are just the way you are. The only aspect I would caution you about is the adverse effect on the younger child if you make the mistake of clearly favouring the elder one. That is most certainly to be avoided...

Love for grandchildren is very strange. When my eldest granddaughter was born 19 years ago I loved her from the moment I first saw her at just a few hours old. It took longer with her sister now 15 but it did come. Bizarrely I fell in love with my grandson from the first scan - I think this might have been because they had by then emigrated to NZ - when we finally got to meet him 2 years later the bond was there for us but obviously not for him as he didn't know us. His little brother was the same as my second GD but he is such a little darling and so like his daddy that although he was only 6 weeks old when we met himI also love him to bits now.. Give it time as everyone has said - it will come at some point.

It'll come, Lewlew You enjoy her company - the process has started. Even if it gets no better than that, she is still another "mentored friend" for you.

These posts are all interesting to me and glad it came up. I think our first 18 month old DGD is lovely, but I don't feel the butterflies my DH does. The father is his adopted son, and I'm the stepmum who first met him when he was 21 (their mum died 6 years before). Now 25 years later and we are 'all family', but I think of both stepsons as more of mentored-friends. But as I never had my own children, I wonder if that's why I don't have those grandma butterflies like her grampa gets.

I absolutely love holding her and giving her her 'nap bottle'... she pulls at my fingers and looks straight at me. The rest of the time I am busy on the day we have her, picking her up from nursery and getting the 'report' from the staff, getting food ready, changing her (with lots of giggles as she likes to throw her legs up in the air to 'help'), whilst grampa does most of the playing and fun stuff. Even though it's me who buys the toys 'they' play with LOL.

It's getting better... maybe I need to get down on the floor and play with her more!?

Bonding is a natural process that happens when you have close contact with a child and look after it. Somehow it has come to be regarded as an active exercise, which you have to engage in deliberately and plan for.

It is a bit like treating a weekend in Paris with a new lover as a calculated plan to bond with them - er, excuse me?

I don't understand why "bonding" seems to be held in such high esteem either. Obviously mothers (maybe fathers) need to for nurturing reasons, but grandparents?

Just another pressure imho.

I guess it depends what you mean by bonding - I don't think it is for us to bond with them - that is for the parents. We just need to be in the background, doing what grandparents do.

Once you have spent a bit more time with this little chap I am sure you will develop appropriately grandparently feelings. Give it time.

I suspect that if you treat him as though you do love him, don't ever make him feel that he is second best, and enjoy him for his own character as he gets a bit older and develops it, you will bond gradually with him and come to love him just as much as you do the first baby.

After all, not every love affair starts with a knockout strike at first sight, some grow steadily and creep up on you. They are no less deep than the instant ones.

Sorry didn't finish post.
Then suddenly he became the favourite, just happened almost overnight. So don't worry to much about it, as has been said already, it will happen.

I have a cousin who didn't bond with her middle of 3 grand.sons

Spend all the time you can with him. Perhaps something will switch on.

If you don't make the effort to show an equal regard for each grandchild you could put an irreparable barrier between them. My mother is a harbourer of favourites and she shows her preference for the eldest of her two daughters' children most obviously. She only ever asks about the eldests and, when challenged, she doesn't bother hiding her views but says, 'But I remember holding them as babies' instead of pretending equal love for all.

The others hate and resent it. She has taught my sister's children to do the same though I wouldn't have it with mine.

We're human - we cannot feel love for every single individual in our lives.

However, as others have said give it time. BUT do not feel guilty in the meantime just enjoy the time you spend with the grand children.

Erzulie just a word of warning... When my second daughter was born my mother in law did not bond with her very well. She continually favoured my oldest daughter and continually left out my youngest. My youngest although she did not show it suffered for many years and feels very bitter about it even now they are not very close. My youngest keeps her distance now so she doesn't feel hurt. History is repeating and I have two great granddaughters. Once again she is favouring the oldest. I know it is hard to spend time with the baby when you have an active toddler running around but please find some extra time to cuddle and adore the second child. You will soon bond with this child and have the pleasure and love from both.

I have a GC who is 5 and I try very hard to love him but he is so like his father, I find it hard. I have very good reasons for not liking SIL (nobody in our family does but we all keep it well hidden) but I know that it is not fair on said GC to feel this way. However, I do try very hard not to show it, I would never be unkind or unfair to him and I must be succeeding because he apparently adores me!

I don't find your experience unusual ...... You should try not to worry about the situation. Love takes time.

I only have 2 grandchildren. The first is my daughters 4 year old son and to my surprise I adored him at first sight. I am very involved in his life.

My sons daughter was born a few months ago and there is a subtle difference. But I expected this since they live further away etc and my DIL's parents are on their doorstep so naturally we have less involvement.

I love her because she's my son's and that's about it. I'm just delighted she looks like my son!!
We were up there last weekend and I realised the bond was different second time around. I'm patient!

I know my mother had her 'favourites' amongst the grandchildren and had no problem with that. It's human nature so worry not!

My new grand daughter is, however, the most contented little person and I'm happy that my son is soooooo happy and such a loving father. ????????

Poor little mite, I am sure he will soon melt your heart, I hope so, he needs his Grandmothers love too.

That is sad gagagran
erzulie don't try too hard just relax and enjoy having a baby around, don't overthink things. I am not at ease with tiny babies but love it when their characters start to develop and you will too. Love is elastic and will stretch to cover all your grandchildren. As others have said give it time and don't stress about it.

The walking, talking GD is of course a miracle and the new one is a little dull by comparison but soon, as everyone else says, you will fall in love with him. Nothing like two miracles is there to make life worth living.

I agree with the wait and see approach.After all,some new mothers do not bond with their babies straight away,though it must be hard to admit this to anyone.You have been honest with yourself,leave it at that and bide your time.

I told my 3 year old GD that her Mummy and Daddy would have as much love for her as they ever had when her little brother was born, that we all loved her with all our hearts and we would love him in the same way because there is always enough love to go round. I didn't bond with my children at once - it took time, as falling in love does for some people, although some have love at first sight. We area all different, and perhaps because you first GC is everything that is lovely, and the baby is the usual pink blob that just howls and smells, it will take time and some smiles from him to get you both in love!

I agree with previous posts - give yourself some time. I love and adore all of my grandchildren but have a special place in my heart for my first one. There is lots of love to go around - the more you give the more you get back. Just give lots of hugs and cuddles and wait and see.