Nervous driver

About 6 years ago I suddenly became very anxious if I had to drive on a journey of more than 30 mins. It affected work as I needed to drive from Norfolk to London at least twice a week. I've now left that job thank goodness but still need to drive 100 miles to see my DGD. I find TomTom is a reassurance of sorts and I always phone when I'm leaving and sometimes break the journey and phone in again to report on my progress. It helps me somehow to know that I've been in contact and that someone knows roughly where I should be at any time. I have terrible dreams where I am involved in a traffic accident and think this obviously preys on my subconscious. I too hate driving in the dark. Have headlights got so much brighter? They just seem to dazzle me!

I would suggest that often it is our DH's who undermine our confidence. Mine is terrible and I think he probably does it on purpose! He usually drives, but I often go out alone so still get practice. Just need to ensure I can keep driving on a motorway!
Automatic car, Sat nav, bumper seat - all great ideas. To boost confidence generally, I would suggest talking to yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you can do ..... Just make sure no-one else is listening!

Definitely get yourself a Sat Nav. The best thing that I have found about them is:
a) the calming voice giving the instructions and
b) if you do not take the route that the Sat Nav tells you, it will reroute you.
I would not be without mine if I am travelling a route that I am unsure of.

When we retired from our full time careers (DH 72 and me 68) we changed countries - leaving behind Bermuda (an island 25 miles long) and moved to Canada where driving is a necessity because of distances. During the snowy winter months we go to Florida which means a 2 1/2 day drive to get to our destination. We don't really have a choice if we want the convenience of having the use of our car in Florida during our 2 - 3 month visit. I can't expect my husband - who is now 78 - to do all the driving, so we take turns, doing 2 hour shifts on the journey down. If either of us lost our confidence in driving then automatically we would also be sacrificing the pleasure of spending winters in a nice warm climate.

It's often easier to retreat into old age by limiting our abilities due to a loss of self confidence - and I don't want my lifestyle to shrink just because I tell myself I can't cope with the challenges of driving and the stress of increasingly busy roads. I drive more cautiously now I'm older, stay in the slower lane, double check my mirrors before changing lanes than etc., but I'm not letting any lack of confidence impact my ability to stay in the driving seat for a long time to come!

Lulu its getting to be a common problem everywhere. The only time I had an accident on the road was when a driver jumped a red light as I was turning right at a junction and hit me.

Such a relief to find others like me. Because I have glaucoma I have to renew my license every three years and take an eye field test each time which I last did a few months ago. I passed with flying colours, in fact the man administering the test was jumping up and down with excitement because he had never seen anyone get a full score before, but I discovered that I was secretly disappointed as I had prepared myself for giving up the car. I cannot drive at night but during the day, driving locally, I believe I am a good driver, and it's the others who are idiots. If I were to come into some money I would get a 4x4 type vehicle, in which I would feel safe and enjoy a better view!

Just back from short drive and watched 3 drivers cross over a red light, this is becoming very common round here.

Thank you ElaineR Your link has answered the question I posed earlier.

Satnav is a brilliant aid when driving alone. Sadly my DH has just had to surrender his licence on medical grounds, so now I am it. Just as well I enjoy driving.

I also recommend a satnav with the sound turned on! I dislike driving in the time between light and dark when it's neither. I find it more difficult to judge distances then.
I do all the driving when we are abroad but that's cos generally I'm not a good passenger, even with husband driving. I prefer to be totally in control, if I'm not, for any reason, I start to feel anxious.

Great to see I am not alone, I have driven for fifty years and was a District Nurse up to two years ago, I bought a car last year, and love my independance, but only drive locally, would NOT drive into the main City here, Gothenburg, they are always changing roads etc, and the traffic is horrendous, I hate driving in the dark, thats when I really am not confident, but I think at 75 (just had my Birthday last week) I am not doing so badly.Good luck to everyone out there.

I hadn't driven much at night for a long time as I didn't like the glare from other cars and got nervous on Motorway. However along came GD who lives one hour up the M6 from us when her parents suggested that I could look after her one day a week and I jumped at the chance. During the summer it was fine and I got used to motorway driving again. when the dark nights came I bought a pair of anti glare glasses from Amazon to help and they make a huge difference. I still don't like the Motorway at night especially if it is raining but I do feel confident enough to do it. So it has been a huge boost to my confidence and now feel happy driving anywhere again.

I know what you mean, I had the same feelings. Actually I gave up driving when I retired, mainly because we did not need 2 cars, but also I got to the stage where I was driving along and suddenly I was nearly home, but could not remember how I got there! Not dementia or alzheimer's more like driving on auto pilot which I found quite scary.

After a couple of very minor scrapes when parking (one of which wasn't my fault) I too lost confidence. I've also never been fond of night driving as I never seem able to judge distances by a car's tail lights. For family reasons we decided to buy a second small car as it was necessary for visiting relatives and I love it! It is so much easier to park and I use it for all my driving and feel much happier - still don't like night driving though unless I have to. I now find DH using my car if I'm not in it and wonder how long we will keep the larger one.

Agree with Jellybeanjean re tailgaters at night, is it because they can't see and just follow the bright light in front. I just tap the break pedal now & again and they usually back off.
I recommend a sat nav if you're in an area your not familiar with wouldn't be without one when I visit my son down south, often get sent to pick up or collect my grandaughters & I'd be lost without the sat nav. Hubby recently changed his car & although its the same car as I have because its a newer model it feels different, I've made myself take it out a few times just so I feel a bit more confident in it, if I retire next year we'll be giving up my car.

I love driving with anyone in the passenger seat except my DH who is not a good passenger. At the age of 69 I drove
from Portugal to England and back on my own and enjoyed it. DH likes to drive when we go out together but he has now said he understands why I don't like driving at night. As other posters have said I think having an automatic car does help. I am far happier driving my large automatic car than my DH's small geared car. But do continue droving because you never know when you may be the only person who can drive.

I always used to,let DH drive if I could then I suddenly thought if I don't keep it up I shall lloose my confidence. Got rid of my own car a few years ago but decide to get another last year. I am now driving more than DH and he loves it. At one time I would never join motorways or drive anywhere I didn't know, but I forced myself to do it and have almost conquered my fears. Still not overly happy driving at night but some of my hobbies mean driving in the dark so have to go with it. Do have a sat nav which helps but find that if DH is with me he is an excellent sat nav

I also hate driving and have lost my confidence since retiring as my OH always drives. I do short journeys and to places I know and avoid motorways. Have recently changed to an automatic and felt I had to learn to drive again but now I much prefer it. Very scared of driving at night and have to go out tonight so already anxious but determined to go! Its reassuring that so many others feel the same. It really ruins your life!

I do worry about male/female couples where the man does most of the driving. It's not discussed, it just happens that way. So the woman gets much less practice. How many men automatically get into the passenger seat when they go out together?
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To be honest I have found myself getting more anxious about lots of different things over the last couple of years .....driving particularly in ew areas, lime you; ordering online; cycling; social situations; travelling; making decisions ......I make myself carry on but it worries me ...another anxiety!!! I put it down to getting older but dont know really, my confidence seems to be waning!

I hate it and couldn't safely drive in a city or motorway. However, I have worked on driving to my local hospital, a and e, and anywhere else I may need so I know I can do it in emergency!

It is said that older drivers are safer because they recognise their limitations and drive accordingly. I am not mad about driving either and I choose the safest routes and avoid driving after dark (myopia, astigmatism and cataracts.

If you are a nervous and/or indecisive driver you become a potential hazard to other road users, perhaps it's time to seriously think about handing your licence back.

I've been finding the same thing. I think it is a combination of lack of practice and normal deterioration in night vision in particular.
I used to drive to work, but have worked in city centre for 13 years and it's more convenient to take the train. Also on long trips together, my husband usually drives.
I agree - we should drive regularly, using GPS where needed, to maintain skill and confidence but accept that issues at night are probably biological and not just lack of confidence, so we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves ( see for example www.allaboutvision.com/over40/night-driving.htm ). I suspect there is also a gender difference in response to these issues with women being more likely to admit to struggling with confidence/night-driving. There are several studies relating to gender differences in confidence and risk-taking in driving among other things.
be safe but don't give up

Jane10 Yes you will be able to drive after your knee op I was scared after my hip replacement but its more about confidence in you own abilities after being off the road for the period of recuperation.
I used to love driving but the carnage and road rage is now an every day occurrence and has reduced what I used to enjoy doing to something I do from necessity and not pleasure.
No matter how careful you are there are always idiots who do not give a toss about other road users.