Nervous driver

Satnav is a brilliant aid when driving alone. Sadly my DH has just had to surrender his licence on medical grounds, so now I am it. Just as well I enjoy driving.

Thank you ElaineR Your link has answered the question I posed earlier.

Just back from short drive and watched 3 drivers cross over a red light, this is becoming very common round here.

Such a relief to find others like me. Because I have glaucoma I have to renew my license every three years and take an eye field test each time which I last did a few months ago. I passed with flying colours, in fact the man administering the test was jumping up and down with excitement because he had never seen anyone get a full score before, but I discovered that I was secretly disappointed as I had prepared myself for giving up the car. I cannot drive at night but during the day, driving locally, I believe I am a good driver, and it's the others who are idiots. If I were to come into some money I would get a 4x4 type vehicle, in which I would feel safe and enjoy a better view!

Lulu its getting to be a common problem everywhere. The only time I had an accident on the road was when a driver jumped a red light as I was turning right at a junction and hit me.

When we retired from our full time careers (DH 72 and me 68) we changed countries - leaving behind Bermuda (an island 25 miles long) and moved to Canada where driving is a necessity because of distances. During the snowy winter months we go to Florida which means a 2 1/2 day drive to get to our destination. We don't really have a choice if we want the convenience of having the use of our car in Florida during our 2 - 3 month visit. I can't expect my husband - who is now 78 - to do all the driving, so we take turns, doing 2 hour shifts on the journey down. If either of us lost our confidence in driving then automatically we would also be sacrificing the pleasure of spending winters in a nice warm climate.

It's often easier to retreat into old age by limiting our abilities due to a loss of self confidence - and I don't want my lifestyle to shrink just because I tell myself I can't cope with the challenges of driving and the stress of increasingly busy roads. I drive more cautiously now I'm older, stay in the slower lane, double check my mirrors before changing lanes than etc., but I'm not letting any lack of confidence impact my ability to stay in the driving seat for a long time to come!

Definitely get yourself a Sat Nav. The best thing that I have found about them is:
a) the calming voice giving the instructions and
b) if you do not take the route that the Sat Nav tells you, it will reroute you.
I would not be without mine if I am travelling a route that I am unsure of.

I would suggest that often it is our DH's who undermine our confidence. Mine is terrible and I think he probably does it on purpose! He usually drives, but I often go out alone so still get practice. Just need to ensure I can keep driving on a motorway!
Automatic car, Sat nav, bumper seat - all great ideas. To boost confidence generally, I would suggest talking to yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you can do ..... Just make sure no-one else is listening!

About 6 years ago I suddenly became very anxious if I had to drive on a journey of more than 30 mins. It affected work as I needed to drive from Norfolk to London at least twice a week. I've now left that job thank goodness but still need to drive 100 miles to see my DGD. I find TomTom is a reassurance of sorts and I always phone when I'm leaving and sometimes break the journey and phone in again to report on my progress. It helps me somehow to know that I've been in contact and that someone knows roughly where I should be at any time. I have terrible dreams where I am involved in a traffic accident and think this obviously preys on my subconscious. I too hate driving in the dark. Have headlights got so much brighter? They just seem to dazzle me!

I certainly suggest getting a sat nav, it has helped me.I would also suggest making sure you have a charged up mobile and breakdown cover.
My confidence isn't what it was and I do think the roads have got busier,but I try to drive between school drop off and pick up times and avoid 4 pm until 6 pm if I can.
I know it isn't always possible. If I do take a wrong turn I remember it's not the end of the world, and just turn round when I can. When I'm stressed and dithery I'll pull over and talk myself out of it!
Keep going, you know you want to!

I can't,not until I draw my state pension, I have asked. I'm in Nottinghamshire

Its astounding how many people are losing their driving confidence, is it an 'age' thing and something we ultimately can't avoid? I really hope not as others have said I can't imagine a time when I am scared to drive. I think its a mistake to give up owning a car when retiring and have one between two because it seems that the default position in those circumstances is one drives and the other eventually gives it up, of course if its for financial reasons then it can't avoided but if there is any way you can try to keep your own wheels.
It must be very wearing to have to 'steel' yourself every time you get in the car I can understand why people do give up.
If taking a few lessons might help your confidence then please do it, its such a shame to lose your independence.

I tend to suffer really bad anxiety on the roads due to the aggressive nature of other drivers mostly.

I used to drive in a city then moved to a village, now back to another city edge , I thought I would be nervous but took it slowly to go further afield. I haven't got into centre yet and don't know if I will, but have used excellent bus service to familiarise route so I could if had to.been driving 48 yrs DH not well enough now, he was always supportive. A young woman ran into side of us recently, out of a side road. I thought it may unnerve me but I'm ok. I too find Street View on Google invaluable to check what junctions look like 12 inches to the foot.
My SIster I Law learned to drive about same time as I did but her H was always worried about 'his' car,bit of a bully, I couldn't understand why she didn't get a run-about as she was working , however she stopped driving. 5 yrs ago her H had a bad stroke and she hasn't confidence to start again. So it's taxis everywhere. It would be cruel to smile to oneself of course.

lesleyberry difficult I know but you cannot change other peoples behaviour you can only learn to deal with it without stressing about it. If it makes you seriously anxious then maybe driving on todays roads isn't for you. Sorry if that sound harsh but being an anxious driver is dangerous in its own right.

We can afford to run two cars and still need two as we are both involved in different activities and DH still works on an intermittent basis and so far I have felt no loss of confidence in my driving

Between 2000 and 2014 I was responsible for elderly relatives in care, one, 150 miles away, the other 100 miles away, so I was driving long distances on motorways on a weekly basis. Since the last one died in 2014 most of my driving has been local but DS and family lives 200 miles away and DH and I share driving there and back. DH is completely relaxed with my driving and often falls asleep when he is the passenger. He also isn't bothered about me driving 'his' car. We have a holiday home in France and both of us drive on all kinds of roads there.

The one thing I find more difficult is night driving, this has improved a lot since I had my cataracts done and my driving glasses now have an anti-glare coating which also helps. I am fine on familiar roads and motorways or dual carriage ways, but I do find it takes my eyes about 10 minutes to adjust as I go from a well lit building to night time conditions and I prefer not to drive on unknown unlit rural roads at night, but if I have to, I do

I used to have an old Corsa but when driving to my daughter's (about an hour M4/M25) I started to feel a bit nervous, especially with the huge lorries thundering past and the aggressive way some people drive. Upgraded to a VW Polo & now feel safer, more confident & enjoy driving again. I always try to do part of long journeys with DH in his car and now I actually feel I'm a much better driver. A friend once said that as you age you should try to go 'outside your comfort zone' which has been good advice as you find the more you do the more confident you feel. My advice would be, try it - start with baby steps.

Even very experienced drivers are apprehensive with unfamiliar routes. My other half always asks me to look out for road signs, and where to turn etc when we're going somewhere new. So it's normal to feel the way you do - but try not to let it overwhelm you. As others have said, get a good satnav, as well as a road atlas, and an A-Z for local, and set yourself some goals to build your confidence.Good luck!

I was a very confident happy to drive anywhere driver. Needed to drive for my work as a adult support worker (carer) until a women drunk driver 3xover the limit ) drove into me while I was parked up and damage the car it was declared a right off ... I have replaced my car but feel so nervous to go out driving its affected my life ...... although I walked away from the accident I thank god for that.

Having read through this topic, I have become aware that DH is beginning to take over the driving. It's almost a default position, him in the driving seat and me the passenger. So much so that my younger grandson was astonished to see me behind the wheel the other day. "You can't drive, Nana!" says he. "Yes I can" I answered firmly but he still looked doubtful. Maybe I need to grab the keys a bit more often before we leave the house! We certainly need to have a discussion about this!!

Coming back from work in the dusk yesterday, (I usually leave earlier) I noticed driving through a village on my country route that avoids main roads, that they have new street lights fitted which have a white light instead of yellow, and only shine straight down making a patch of light about 3' by 18" at the edge of the road that looks exactly like frost.

Like most of us who live in the country being able to drive a car without anxiety is very important. I find a sat nave is very helpful. However, last night I was going to an event at a village cricket club I had not been to before. I looked it up on google and put it in my sat nav. As I left the village the mist/fog got worse. At least with the sat nav I could tell when the road would turn and when I would meet another road etc. However I decided to turn round before arriving as I felt if it got worse i would not be able to drive back home again and also I might drive past the cricket club and not find it as it was in the middle of a field. I also felt its parking might not be lit. I had taken a small torch to walk to the club.

In programming the sat nave for my return home I made a mistake. I programmed the sat nave for home. It took me through country lanes by passing the village. I should have set it for the village (town center) and then for home.

Mary59nana. You need to get back into your car everyday and drive somewhere, anywhere, it doesn't matter where. Go on all kinds or roads including motorways.

5 years ago DD was badly injured in a road accident, not her fault, and she has been left with a permanent, but fortunately not crippling, disability. As soon as she could she got a replacement car and got in it and drove, and kept driving. Initially she was very nervous. I refused to drive when she was in the car, she would be sitting beside me, gasping for breath and making little squeaks if I came within 50 yards of another vehicle. I would insist she drove me.

5 years on she is again a confident driver and will sit beside me when I drive without a sound or in-drawn breath. That is because she gritted her teeth and despite her nervousness kept driving.

The AA and other places run courses for nervous drivers, regardless of cause, to help you regain confidence and start driving confidently again. Don't let some stupid drunk driver restrict your life forever.

I find it scary too, just go to work and local shops, I never used to be like this either.

Thanks M0nica for your advice only today reading it.
You are absolutely right I do need to get back to where I was and today I will.
I have got a different make of car after a lot of searching decided on a Volvo so they are very strong cars so I'm going out and will enjoy my drive this lovely sunny afternoon
Thank you again