Can anyone tell me what went wrong?

Can't quite understand why people are still posting on this thread, as the OP isn't acknowledging any of the comments, so it's a bit like talking to yourself - bit pointless really!!

Have to agree with most Grans here, it might have hurt your friend when you returned the gift, she might have thought it wasnt good enough for you, when you returned it, giving it to a Charity Shop would have been much better, saved face for everyone!

To those who don't like some of the posts - the clue is in the headings of the thread, "Ask a gran" and "Can anyone tell me what went wrong?" The OP asked for, and has received, honest replies about what may have gone wrong. If the responses had all been that her friend was in the wrong and she was in the right, they might have been very comforting, but not any use to her.

As you say now't so queer as folks ......had a 'friend' who would call me any time of day or night as she had an urgent need to talk ! Call me early morning saying she just MUST see me ...so off I would go, neglecting all else, to rush to be with her to hear her going on and on and one about her soon to be ex husband (and she was by then 70 so not a young chic !) ...I would buy her coffee then hope to get home to lunch but no she wanted to have lunch as well ,,,,this went on for four years ,,,including the time she had an accident on holiday and asked me to go to her insurance co to sort out paying the clinic in Cyprus and organising her re patriation ! Shortly after she got back she said she was moving house and would I help her pack and get some things sold on E bay > Yes of course I said ,,,,,then one day some weeks later I went past her house on my way to my hairdresser and there was a removal van and other friends packing things into it ,,,I called down the hallway ...oh I didn't hear from you but if I can help, you know where I am ! No call, no thanks, no goodbye ! Later learned she had moved again, back to the UK ....a month ago I was having coffee in a local café when she walked in with two other friends ,,,,I said Hi ! lovely to see you ...reaction : Do I know you ?' .....couldn't believe it ! no explanation, she doesn't have any mental or physical illness ,,,all very odd ! but you must let it go and get on with life ! These things happen ...oh and if I ever received a pressie that was the wrong size I would recycle it to someone it would fit ,,,and if I gave any clothing as a gift I always sent the receipt In a separate envelope so the person could take it back for a refund or an exchange ,,,,what else they did with it was up to them ! oh and I would never have returned anything to the giver ,,,,that was the big mistake I think !

Move on, be glad you had a good friend for so many years and maybe put your efforts into helping a charity shop or some such which will help others and give you enormous satisfaction ! Good luck !

My initial thought is that your friend is offended, and possibly embarrassed.

I do not seek to make judgements, but sometimes friends come into your life, and leave without no apparent reason. Your lives have changed so much now, and perhaps that gap cannot be filled.

A long time friend of mine (20+ years) decided to cut contact, and I found that hard, but had to accept it in the end. We had changed so much over the years, and could no longer find mutual happiness in our relationship.

A friend comes into your life for a reason or a season. When that time is up, no matter how long or short, learn from that experience and put it to good use throughout other aspects of your life.

Your heart was in the right place. xx

I wonder if this post is a wind up? If not then, surely, the gracious thing would have been to write a thank text or note about the pyjamas and then simply pass them on to a friend or charity that could use them, without mentioning this to your friend.

Oh Lord, misunderstood again.
I meant "or whoa " as an alternative to "woo" and the horses were meant to be a clue, so don't go off on one at me again assuming snide jibes when it's OK for you to have a giggle (woo -sic) but I get dumped on with the proverbial ton of bricks.

Good post Dharmacat you put my point over far better than I did.

??? You and I both know (from training we both undertook I think) that just telling someone what they want to hear is not the way forward DB . We can all do the fluffy bunny and come across as the 'good guy' (with apologies to those who hate the use of the word 'guy' and a plea not to start another thread on 'words I hate') but I'm laughing a how judgemental these ???suddenly are

Have just typed a long post which has mysteriously vanished!
In essence it said that what i enjoy about this forum is the diversity of opinion on wide-ranging topics. I believe that if you do not wish to consider analytical answers from a norm curve of viewpoints - family. politics, money, pets etc then perhaps it is better not to post.
We have all reached a stage in our lives bearing a wealth of experience from a variety of social, educational and family backgrounds and this is bound to colour views. Many times i have felt incredulous at the naivety (in my mind) of some posts and yet feel great empathy with others.
To think that all posts should be "warm blanket" is not helpful , and although some of the posts may not have been agreeing with Cheneslieges132 they have suggested reasons - which is what was asked for.
I feel sad that anyone is in this situation but agree that dwelling on the situation is doing no good and it is time to move on.
One final point: on all these daily posts we do not have full background details and therefore all replies are possibly not the ones we would give if in full knowledge of the situation from both sides.
I wish you all happiness in 2017.

???whoa, Anya!

Yes, none of us is perfect, and this lady's friend has been happy (or appears to have been) to accept what has been given over the years: so much so that they have had a very close relationship
There's none so queer as folk.

Actually if you have a genuine 'woo' [sic] you couldn't ask for a more supportive site Eileen as many of us know.

But, and here I'm making a good point worth listening to, is you ask for an opinon then you are doing just that, and you also must be prepared to take the rough with the smooth. Since when did people of our age just say what you wanted to hear?

Remind me who to tell my woos to, oh perhaps I better keep them to myself I might get pushed over the edge. Thank goodness for the tack full understanding ladies. There for the grace of God etc etc.

Who knows?!!!!

A sad situation for sure - and I don't think the negative posts are going to help with all the judgement and analysing going on, when we don't really know for sure what has happened. I am posting just to wish you well cheneslieges132 and to hope that you can move on from this situation - don't keep dwelling on it as no good can come from that.

I fear she may be hiding behind the sofa covered in or has perhaps removed herself as the comments are unlikely to be what she was expecting

Perhaps cheneslieges132 could reply to the various posts just to let us know that the sympathetic ones are appreciated and to disperse all cynicism as to the veracity of the OP?

If you post asking 'why' then expect to get replies you may not necessarily like. It's obvious what went wrong, but if the OP just wanted fluffy, cuddly replies then it wouldn't answer her question unless she perhaps wanted us to say 'what a horrid person your so-called friend is' or is winding us up.

Take you choice.

Dear cheneslieges132. I am saddened by some of these replies to you. Its as if you are to blame for your friends unusual behaviour. I have no idea if she has dementia but to my mind you were very good friends and if she really understood you she would know you were returning the gift with good intentions. Some of these posts are so judgemental- no, may be some of us wouldn't return the gift - but you have been a generous friend over the years and meant no harm. When this sort of thing happens you go over and over every little detail to try to understand it, I am sure that is why you looked back over the years at what you had done for your friend. You still valued the friendship, you felt she didn't and you were trying to analyse everything. Please Please now if you feel there is no other route, take some time to think about the fact that you were a good friend, time has now passed and it is time to let go. Others have said that perhaps there is someone else you can befriend if you wish to, volunteering possibly. that is your choice. My very best wishes for 2017

I think friendship is about balance. I'm wondering where that balance lay in this relationship. I agree with Rosesarered in her post yesterday. time to move on.

I think that it would be better if people would not attack cheinleges 132. Both ladies are hurting. Who ever was in the wrong the friend and her daughter should say exactly what's happened from their prospective to cheinleiges 132 so everyone is clear and to sort it out or move on. It's very sad and I don't like to think of anyone in mental turmoil. I hope Cheinleiges 132 you can find some answers.

My heart goes out to you. I can see that you returned the gift in good faith and as I would with a close friend. Have you thought of sending a 'sorry' note, saying you didnt mean to offend her and loved the gift but they just didnt fit?
After that I would let it lie. I know you are hurting I would be too. But give it a few months and write a lovely newsy letter to her as if nothing has happened, put it in the past and see if you can rekindle your friendship.

I agree with most of the posts saying it was a big mistake sending the present back. However, I am surprised by some of the posts here, whilst being honest some are a bit nasty. OK, none of us are perfect and have done things we regret, and she did try her best to put things right, (unlike her friend). I am sorry you have lost your friendship, but I think you will just have to accept that neither she nor her daughter want to contact you. I hope you manage to put it behind you and move on.

I am so sorry you are feeling hurt. If this was indeed a bad time for your friend, you will be associated with it. Once things improved for her she will not want to go back there. The returned gift must have hurt her, especially if you were constantly giving and she receiving. It is hard to be on the receiving end and not being able to give back, the return of her only gift must have been the last straw.
The one last thing you could do is write and generously (as you are obviously a very generous soul) apologise for your thoughlessness. She may not return your letter (no sae please) but at least you would have tried. I wish you luck- I have been where you are...