Can anyone tell me what went wrong?

I don't know where you are coming from with this post. Yes perhaps the Lady has dementia, I am guessing the Daughter has not. The top and bottom of it is that she wants no more to do with you for whatever reason. That's life, get over it.

....but not a card or letter asking for forgiveness or mentioning friendship gifts or sorries just a little friendly note ' thinking of you hope you are well ' and not too soon either tread very softly Goid luck

Yes sorry cheneliege I gave to agree with others in saying it was a mistake to return the pyjamas, that doesn't really help now though. You do seem to be very conscious of the inequality of your situations and that can appear patronising even with the best intentions. I would keep the door open as BlueBelle says , give it a while then maybe a card or letter.

Wonder if we'll hear anything more about this? Something tells me we won't, but I could be wrong! (and not clever!!!!)

Oooooooh niggly, it would explain much , you are clever

Hmmmm! Could well be a wind up! Why didn't I think of that!!

I think enclosing a stamped addressed envelope for a reply to a letter was a mistake! 'Too poor to buy a stamp' could well have been how this was interpreted! and added further feelings of inadequacy and anger on the part of your friend and her daughter. Quite honestly, I'd just leave it all alone as you do seem, with the best of intentions,to be making a bad situation infinitely worse.

Oh my jaw dropped open when I read the 'I returned the gift' bit that is exactly where it all went wrong she had had years of you showering her with gifts then when she tries to give you something nice in return, perhaps at expense to her, you send it back, what a slap in the face you gave her, Its nothing to do with dementia she was hurt beyond repair unfortunately... you speak of your 40 ( how strange to keep a tally) gorgeous presents but when she tries to return some of your kindness you throw it back I have absolutely no doubt you were a lovely friend and a kind and generous person and I m also sure you didn't mean to offend her but you have I m afraid killed that friendship by not being aware of how hurtful it would be to send the present back I don't think there is much you can do to be honest I would keep the door open and send her birthday and Christmas cards maybe a little card or letter now and then time may help but I think you will have to accept it's probably over

Surely this is a wind up? Nobody would be so tactless to return a gift in that way. We all get useless presents, but we can easily give them to someone who would appreciate them or to a charity shop.

Returnng a gift to the giver may be very hurtful. Maybe it took a lot of 'effort' buying you the pyjamas or maybe, as others have suggested, she has dementia. However if she does have dementia I would have thought her daughter would have informed you.

Very strange that you took the trouble to write down all the gifts and holidays you have given her! Why? It's totally irrelevant. Nearly all friendships have more input from one person than the other from time to time - that's life.

You will just have to move on from it. If she doesn't want to be in contact with you there is not much you can do.

I would never return a gift to the giver, but reycle it elsewhere.However, it seems too trivial a reason for what followed.I think you are right to draw up another will, and should forget about this former friend, you had good times, but people do change.

I also think returning the gift was a mistake. It is difficult enough trying to find a gift for someone who seems to have everything and then for her efforts to be dismissed must have been hurtful.

I have put on quite a bit of weight lately and a friend gave me some pjs for my birthday - so big a family of 4 could have used them as a tent!! I did not return them to her, just thanked her and donated them to the local charity shop.

You are looking for answers, really ? Reread your post and if you can't see what is wrong with your question then you can not be helped.

I agree with Annibach, and feel it would have been better to have thanked her for her kind gift, and then if it really was unsuitable for whatever reason, quietly gift it elsewhere. The idea of the gift being returned so that she could get her money back could have been perceived as patronising, particularly in light of the difference in financial status, or that this was your way of saying that you didn't like it!!! I'm sure you meant well, and I'm sorry you're so upset, but I think you could have been a bit tactless!!

I agree it is time to let this go.

I also agree that returning the pjs seems an unfortunate thing to do.

Re-doing the will makes lots of sense under the circumstances. Did you tell your friend you had done this? - I guess that would really put an end to things.

Changing of the Will is pertinent to this issue, and the timing.
For instance, how long was it after your return of the gift and your friend's lack of response did you draw up a new one?
There's a lot of hurt, it seems to me, on both sides, which has much more to do than with a pair of pyjamas and a bouquet of flowers.

Time to let things go.

I'm sorry for your sadness.

I wonder if she could not cope with the sense of obligation she felt, being showered with gifts, holidays over the years which she could not possibly match; when she did very kindly send a gift it was returned to her as being unsuitable.

I feel for your friend - you were the one doing all the gift giving and she had to be the grateful one throughout your friendship. (How pleased were you with your list of all the presents you had given her?? - a strange thing to do anyway). Then she sends you a present - are you pleased? Do you send her a grateful thank you note? Er, No - you say it doesn't fit and you are sending it back so she can get a refund. In my book this is a thoughtless thing to do. Yes, she is maybe over reacting now but you are not without blame. I am sorry if this is not the reply you sought but you did ask!!

It might sound harsh, but perhaps it's time to move on and just remember the happier times you had. It must be awfully upsetting for you after being so close but sadly it's happened and understandably you are grieving for your lost friendship. Go with it but also look towards finding something to enjoy as time passes.

Sorry but my sympathy is with the friend , Gift returned then flowers delivered , perhaps she feels patronised telling her she can get her money back for the gift.

OP - I've just noticed two things.
'I treated her so very well'
'I texted her kindly'

Well, no, you are not the person to say these things about yourself!! Think about it!

Thoughtfully posted by Elrel. Do you see what I mean?!

If you can't regift easily unwanted presents are always welcome at your favourite charity shop! This is sad and seems so unnecessary, maybe the bouquet was too big.

I think that returning the gift was a mistake, but also it sounds like your friend may be having cognitive problems and that she has become unreasonably upset by it.

The daughter may not be purposely ignoring you but may have no idea what to say, as her mother has taken against you. Or she may have put your letter aside and then forgotten it.

Sadly, I think you need to accept that this is not a personal rejection of you but that your friend has changed and now does not want the friendship.

Her daughter is upset too so quite possibly your friend is hurt and not suffering from dementia. Why were you looking for a clue? A clue to what?

Perhaps you just have to accept your friend has ended the friendship , she was hurt by the return of her gift and you have no choice but to accept her decision.

I do feel so sorry you are upset but I do think returning her gift was a mistake ,

To Annibach - I was just curious to see if there was a clue in any of the things on the list, nothing sinister to be read into that. I loved giving her things, and got real joy at seeing how she enjoyed it too. As I tried to explain, she was the sister I never had, and I loved her dearly. I am so worried if she actually IS now suffering Dementia - and I am so far away and cannot help at all.