Gransnet forums

Ask a gran


(10 Posts)
Cornishgirl777 Wed 18-Jan-17 09:27:04

I'd like to ask for some advice...I'm going to the funeral today of a friend who sadly took her own life at Christmas. I didn't know for very long,so I'm not sure what to say to her family at the service or afterwards. Could anyone offer any help,please?

merlotgran Wed 18-Jan-17 09:37:52

No need to say very much, Cornishgirl - just what you've put on here really, that you haven't known her very long but you're deeply sorry for their loss.

A sad and tragic time for them.

gillybob Wed 18-Jan-17 09:39:30

I think maybe the words might just come naturally when you are there Cornishgirl777 . I'm not sure that the sad fact that she "took her own life" makes any difference to what you say? Unless of course it is brought up later in conversation.

Maybe something on the lines of;

"Although I hadn't known XYZ for very long, I had become really quite fond of her. I am so sorry for your loss"

Then if a member of the family choose to elaborate (on the cause/reasons) maybe you could take it from there. Sorry I can't be much help.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend Cornishgirl777 flowers

Bellanonna Wed 18-Jan-17 09:39:46

Introduce yourself - hello, I'm C, I knew A from work/yoga/she was a neighbour; I'm so sorry. I don't think you should say more than that. Afterwards you will probably be talking to other friends and conversation will just evolve.

rosesarered Wed 18-Jan-17 09:44:01

I agree with Merlot simply say that you were a friend, but hadn't known her for long and that you are sorry for their loss.Suicide is an awful thing for a family ( or friends) to come to terms with, and won't be easy for you Cornishgirl to attend the funeral.💐

Cornishgirl777 Wed 18-Jan-17 09:44:15

Thank you for your wise words. It's most helpful. Normally I'm ok at funerals, but I've little experience of suicide, and I'm undoubtedly trying too hard to be sensitive to the situation. I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks again.

KatyK Wed 18-Jan-17 14:58:02

The usual condolences are fine. My brother committed suicide. It is hard for people to know what to say.

Cornishgirl777 Wed 18-Jan-17 15:11:57

You were all quite right.....the funeral service was so well conducted that it was not difficult to find suitable words to say.
KatyK,thank you for responding and I'm very sorry for your loss.

DavidJonathan1 Wed 18-Jan-17 15:45:05

Bless your heart Cornishgirl777, awful thing to experience.

I had a cousin of mine take their own life some time ago; I didn’t know him very well so I wondered what to say myself. The family wouldn’t want to dwell on what happened, and how it happened, so I would say keep it brief but meaningful and explain how you know the deceased – my family were so grateful for the support and the kindness that others showed, just by being there will mean a lot to them so I wouldn’t worry if what you want to say doesn’t come across in the right way; they will understand, they will appreciate the fact that it will be difficult for people to know what to say.

I pray that she is at peace now. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope the service goes as well as it can in those kind of circumstances.


KatyK Wed 18-Jan-17 15:59:11

Thank you Cornishgirl it was many years ago. I'm glad it wasn't too difficult.