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Should we put OBE on gravestone?

(29 Posts)
Penygirl Sat 21-Jan-17 20:30:10

Dad died last year and now that the grave has settled we need to decide on a headstone. Dad was awarded the OBE many years ago but we don't know whether we should include that in the inscription. I'd appreciate your views.

Ankers Sat 21-Jan-17 20:34:13

Go for it?!

No personal experience though!

MawBroon Sat 21-Jan-17 20:50:43

We didn't for either Dad or FIL (CBE, DSO, Légion d'Honneur)
Naked we came into this world.......etc

Wobblybits Sat 21-Jan-17 20:54:40

We didn't for my Father as he never used his title in life.

Nelliemoser Sat 21-Jan-17 21:04:38

To be honest I think that would be pretentious. He has clearly done good works of some sort but surely you, his family, should not appear to be "boasting" about his good deeds.
It might appear that your family are trying to get some glory from his deeds. I would consider that to be a private matter for your family.

There is a parable or something about doing good deeds and keeping them quiet I cannot think of right now.

Anniebach Sat 21-Jan-17 21:09:36

What a family chooses to have inscribed on a headstone is personal, no one else's business. If you want it then include it, it really is what it means to you

Penygirl Sat 21-Jan-17 21:09:41

Thanks for your thoughts. My siblings and I have discussed this a few times and couldn't reach a decision - brother wants it, sister doesn't and I was sitting on the fence (as usual!)

Cherrytree59 Sat 21-Jan-17 21:13:16

Your family's choice
You know your father best
Was he proud to have been awarded the honour?
if so I would add it
On gravestones there are often the inscription mother/father. Wife / husband
They were not born as such but gained the titles on their journey through life.
Your fathers O.B.E is part of your fathers journey.
It also may come to pass that future generations who are researching family history will visit the gravestone and will be proud that their relative had been honoured.

Ana Sat 21-Jan-17 21:24:18

I was going to say I thought it might be a bit OTT too, but I now think Cherrytree makes a good point.

rafichagran Sat 21-Jan-17 22:02:56

Yes put it on. He did good work in life and was awarded for it.

Ankers Sat 21-Jan-17 22:03:39

You will be doing it for your dad and about him.
Which is a different thing to my mind than your dad doing it.

Maudie Sat 21-Jan-17 22:30:45

I agree with Cherrytree too.
I am sorry for your loss

jacksmum Sat 21-Jan-17 22:39:22

Penygirl , sorry for your loss of your dad,x how did your dad feel about being awarded his OBE ? if it meant alot to him then i think it should be put on his stone, xx

Penygirl Sat 21-Jan-17 23:15:39

Dad was very proud to be awarded the OBE and loved his trip to the Palace! After that, he didn't make a big thing of it or 'use' it as such, although some people put it on letters to him. We certainly don't want to be pretentious. Thanks to all who have responded.

Hilltopgran Sat 21-Jan-17 23:26:43

There are many pretentious people around sadly today, but recording the honour given to your Father is not anything but a fact that he served his community and was recognised for it. I agree it is part of his life story so be proud of him and record for posterity.

janeainsworth Sat 21-Jan-17 23:45:47

The monument to Charles, Earl Grey in Newcastle city centre describes his attributes (the fearless defender of civil and religious liberty) so I see nothing pretentious about including OBE on your father's gravestone, Penygirl.
Being on the fence gives you the casting vote as it were, so go with your heart smile

Ankers Sun 22-Jan-17 07:49:21

Is your sister very against having it?

harrigran Sun 22-Jan-17 10:18:54

I have never given this much thought but DH has an OBE so at some point it may arise with family. I hope that in any announcements it would be mentioned and in a eulogy but I don't think there would be a headstone anyway.
Go with your heart, do what is right for your family.

J52 Sun 22-Jan-17 10:58:53

As a family, over many decades, tend to go for basic details. Not very helpful for those tracing family trees.

In the main family cemetery is a simple grave stone with the word 'Strange' written on it. Everyone says "that's strange". And indeed it is Mr Strange.

I think people should put what they are comfortable with. I quite enjoy reading interesting grave stones!

Bellasnana Sun 22-Jan-17 11:00:24

Why is it pretentious? It is something to be proud of and what other people think should not really matter. There will always be people who are jealous of others' achievements so you can't please everybody. I would definitely include it, if it were my father (who, incidentally, had the DSO but has no headstone on which to write it)

Anya Sun 22-Jan-17 11:03:57

Of course you should put it on. No question.

MissAdventure Sun 22-Jan-17 11:43:49

I suppose it depends on what you think your dad would want.
For myself, I would include it - its a big deal - but only if your dad would think it apt. So sorry for your loss..

FarNorth Sun 22-Jan-17 12:10:05

A headstone says what a person's family want to say, not necessarily what the person themself would say.
So if your family wants to honour your father by including his OBE, that's what you should do.

Rinouchka Sun 22-Jan-17 12:59:08

My condolences, Penygirl. You should put what your father would have wanted.

We did as my DFiL would have wished and just put his name and dates on the granite rock commemorating where his ashes had been scattered. No mention of his title, medals, honours.

M0nica Sun 22-Jan-17 14:04:55

Why not? Given the text found on some gravestones, putting 'OBE' seems restrained and dignified