Help with easy to use food

ps forgot to add, I also realised she must have been frightened of being on her own , in case of intruders. When I cleared out the house I found kitchen knives hidden among old newspapers in the garage.
Bless her, at the time I didn't really appreciate how she felt.

Madmeg wrote
'Hello Gracesgran

What a lucky lady your beloved mum us to have you looking out for her so kindly and considerately.' My reaction too from this thread.
And like Kitty Lester's Mum, my Mum was so different after she went into a care home (she had a stroke.) She had been very anxious and lacking confidence, but after the move was so relaxed, all her minor health problems forgotten about. She felt safe, no more bills to pay etc.
It's a progression we probably all go through, (if we live that long.)

Newnanny do you remember how you found them?

I hear that when school lunches became compulsory for younger children in England that some pubs started cooking and delivering the lunches because some rural schools had no kitchens.

My aunt's husband was hopeless domestically and after she died he used to go down to the pub every single day on his mobility scooter for his lunch. He didn't have dementia though, but I am sure they used to deliver for him sometimes too.

newnanny "The pub lunches came dished up with a see through cover on them. The delivery lady was fab and was cheerful and chatted to her with delivery " I'm here with dinner" etc. she put meal on the table for her and took knife and fork out of drawer and my aunt sat at table to eat. Hot meal cost £6.50 per day but it was main meal, dessert and delivery. You could try checking out pub lunches and delivery in your area."

Fab tip. Will be starting for my OH Aunt as soon as organised.

That's a really great idea. I wish I had thought of it with my own mum.

The pub lunches came dished up with a see through cover on them. The delivery lady was fab and was cheerful and chatted to her with delivery " I'm here with dinner" etc. she put meal on the table for her and took knife and fork out of drawer and my aunt sat at table to eat. Hot meal cost £6.50 per day but it was main meal, dessert and delivery. You could try checking out pub lunches and delivery in your area.

When my aunt was in a similar situation we arranged for a local pub to deliver her a hot meal each lunch time. She really enjoyed the variety which we helped her pick out each week in advance and they always arrived at about the same time and delivered by same person. She got a dessert as well and if she was not hungry she ate it for her tea. We also left some grapes and bananas on a low table next to her chair and slices of fruit cake in a see through container that was easy to open.

Oh Kitty you did make me laugh but you are right about thinking the unthinkable.

It is sometimes a step we don't really want to take that flummoxes us isn't it? And,we feel guilty for even thinking the 'unthinkable'. It took my Dh and DSiL to say the obvious - that Mum needed to go into a home. It really was the best thing but a huge step and we didn't even much like our mum.

I like it It's the sort of conclusion I come to with each step I take - it's the getting there that can cause more angst than it needs Thanks Jalima.

You wouldn't be 'going behind her back' to investigate GGMkII, it is only like doing the homework and preparation before a presentation which you may never want to present anyway.

MissAdventure thank you for your post. I'm afraid she would not get it from the council and she/we could not afford it although she is getting every benefit I can find for her. Nor would she accept that she needs it or wants it - she is a very private person and, as I described above she thinks she still does all the things that need doing herself and she still has to have what she wants as far as we can make that happen. It is such a difficult see-saw to help her live how she wants to but keep her safe but it will be for everyone in this position as I am sure you know.

Had your parents agreed Bluebell? To you looking at homes for them. Mum would not. She is - according to her - "only in her 90s". She has also said, when the doctor updated her care plan - that she wanted to be resuscitated. She thinks she does all that needs to be done - defrosting the fridge, cleaning the oven and cleaning the house. She doesn't of course but the help is slipped in in a way she can accept. Even when I do her nails she will say "but I do them every week" with me saying I wanted to give her a proper manicure with a hand massage to help her poor hands. She can accept that as it doesn't doubt her ability to do it herself. At 96 and with all the physical issues she has you can only admire her determination. It is partly the Alzheimer's giving her a skewed idea of her own capabilities but it is also the sheer will-power she has used to get this far.

I can see that I need to try and get my head round how I do move forward in getting an idea about local homes but, a bit like overcoming not telling her things she doesn't need to know I have to get my head round the going "behind her back" and against what her will would be at the moment, feeling. I am sure I have to make a start on this but need to get it in place in my mind. Just looking to get background information is probably how I will tell myself.

The meals on wheels is something I am going to look at. We do seem to have it still but I will ring and find out exactly what they will do. If I could introduce it once a week as a treat it would be a good start but I will ask if they dish it up? Mum might not let them of course but it would be a start. Can you think of anything else I should ask? Thank you so much for you help with this. I do understand that I may be some of the problem because I can't behave like a trained carer - but (you will know this feeling well) she is still my mum

Have you thought about getting live-in care for your mum?
We had started to look into it for my mum. Its not cheap, but the few people I've heard of who've tried it have said it was worth every penny.

Me again! Just to say I tried meals on wheels for my parents but the ladies who delivered them just put them on the windowsill inside the hall and there they remained untouched....
Also to mention.... I went to see 12 residential homes and found them sadly lacking. Number 13 was much better and my parents lived there until my father died. Meanwhile I had my mother's name on a long waiting list for a nursing home specifically for dementia patients. My Mum spent her remaining 6 years there. That home was superb, well staffed by Registered Nurses with qualifications in dementia care and my Mother was very well cared for.
Might I suggest getting your Mum's name on your preferred home(s) waiting list(s). If her name comes up before she's ready for admission just say so but keep her name on the list.

I don't think my MIL had dementia of any kind; although she got quite confused in her last few weeks before that she knew exactly how many beans made five and could debate politics with the best of them.
However, she seemed to lose interest in food but was anxious not to let us know.

Good luck with both of them

Thanks Jalima.

I think I have mentioned elsewhere we have another member of the family with a dementia (not Alzheimer's) and things are taking a very different course there. Only in their 70s and with a those dreaded complex issues the support has to be very different. It really is so different for each person with this dreadful disease isn't it but pooling experience and ideas has to help.

DD found mum doing well and having breakfast [cheering] I think it is the time markers that mum is loosing, and the previous 'helpers' are ceasing to be noticed but I was probably becoming more aware of it without realising. Mum is happy to phone if she is feeling at odds with the world so that will help too.

I have got the afternoon off! My daughter, who is doing her Masters, was coming over - I usually read for her as she is dyslexic but she has enough to work with (she dictates) so I can catch up after what felt like a slightly frightening week that was lifted out of the mire by so many kind people on here. Thank you all

I'm not sure how much she can eat at one sitting but if you are thinking of M&S ready meals at all, then the M&S children's range is quite nice and obviously smaller portions than the ready meals (I have eaten one or two myself in the past!).

"The problem with introducing new things is that they are unfamiliar so could be scary."

I probably should have said that Kitty DD is 'popping in' this morning. There are a couple of thing we thought worth checking and she gets away with rummaging where I wouldn't

The problem with introducing new things is that they are unfamiliar so could be scary.

As I mentioned, mum was much better in a home and going with the crowd. She is past that stage now. Having mum looked after was such a relief and so much less worrying and stressful so visiting was much more pleasurable.

The Alzheimer's Society and Age UK are probably the best places for signposting! I keep saying this but, certainly round here, Alzheimer's outreach workers are brilliant.

Eventually my MiL was prescribed Fortisip which is a sort of high calorie drink. It comes in little boxes with straws and is a bit like a milk shake. Comes in different flavours. We used to go in at breakfast and supper time to giver her her meals and sit with her. A carer came in at lunchtime. Otherwise Gran wouldn't have eaten or drunk anything at all. The little M&S meals were ideal. They seemed to be 'old people's food' of the type she was accustomed to. Re care homes -she had a fall overnight and was admitted to hospital. She came alive there. Loved the company and routine. Care at home had really set her back!

So sorry to hear your pain but nothing lasts forever, hopefully you take comfort from being able to help. Is mum ok using a kettle? Might she try those porridge oat pots? Would getting a cheap mobile or clock and setting alarms as a reminder of when to eat be any use? Good luck

Theodbird I am thinking it's the time that is the problem - she has lost a lot more grasp on this quite recently (had the usual test for UTI but it is not that). As these things are so up and down she could be a little better next week but I can see we are having a bit of a rapid change. Thank you for the suggestion.

Madmeg, you have to love the fact that it was the Sherry although it must have been a worry for you at the time. Mum is not easy (verbally aggressive) when she is anxious but that is often when I am tired and don't think quickly enough or don't realise what is upsetting her. She is mismatching her words with objects a lot more now so she may want to know where something is and I have no idea what it is she really want so I am not quick enough. She is a very kind, person though and while we have enough of her real personality she still wants to be kind but I do 'pop out for a breath of fresh air' at times

She knows her friend from round the corner (over 100) is now in a home so if needs must she might take it more easily.

Thank you for your experience and the kind thoughts.

madcatlady I thought we had lost our local meals on wheals but it might be an answer as we go forward. My biggest problem about so many things is who to ask - so many people/departments can be involved. Thank you for saying about the GP. I think I will do a search to see if it still exists - I know some areas have deliveries of frozen meals but you never know. Thank you.

My Dad has vascular dementia and when he lived alone we arranged to have meals on wheals deliver a hot meal every day. It cost about £3.00 a day (might be more now) but it means you don't have to worry about the gas cooker being left on or the food not being cooked properly and also its another person "keeping an eye" out for your Mum if she should have a fall or anything. Ask your GP if there is a meals on wheels service in your area and see if it would be suitable. Good luck