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Straight committals

(23 Posts)
Izabella Fri 03-Mar-17 10:48:31

Has anyone have any knowledge of arranging a pre paid "funeral" without a funeral service please. I.e. Straight to the crem.

Ana Fri 03-Mar-17 10:55:27

I fund this site when I was looking for something similar recently. Might be of help.

Ana Fri 03-Mar-17 10:55:47

found, not fund!

Ilovecheese Fri 03-Mar-17 11:45:34

Not really knowledge, but have been to one that was just at the crem and the registrar spoke, because the bereaved parents did not want any religion involved

Anya Fri 03-Mar-17 12:43:11

If you're arranging this now, well in advance, I'd say most undertakers will sort this for you no problem. When I had to bury my sister at short notice, without a funeral service, we simply arranged for the undertakers to deliver her to the grave side. Then a few of us just said a few words and my son played her favourite song on his mobile.

It was what she wanted I believe.

tanith Fri 03-Mar-17 13:06:58

That's exactly what I want but OH has other ideas, I went to such a funeral my daughter managed to arrange exactly what she wanted without much fuss for her Dad, no service, no cars just the hearse, no music the deceased brother in law said a few words and then a few minutes silent contemplation and that was it.

tanith Fri 03-Mar-17 13:08:46

That should say the deceased's brother in law , sorry must of been a Freudian slip wink

Anya Fri 03-Mar-17 13:46:59


Izabella Fri 03-Mar-17 15:58:32

Thanks all. We are looking at straight to the undertakers and then the crem as we cannot afford funerals and are looking at the cheapest option. As neither are the slightest bit religious we have a horror of relatives arranging things if we do not leave everything in place. That in turn should leave a bit spare for a 'bit of a do' for those we would have partied with in life!!

janeainsworth Fri 03-Mar-17 16:07:52

tanith! grin

I had to go to a funeral where the deceased's wishes of having absolutely nothing were respected. We only went to support another relative who was very closely related to the deceased.

It was horrible. It was as though the deceased person had never existed.
I have been to other funerals where despite the grief for the person who has died, people have come away feeling solace in their grief, because of kind words that have been said, or relationships rekindled, or aspects of the person's life have been revealed.

If you want a nothing funeral, please think of those left behind. That's who the funeral is really for, to allow them to celebrate your life and feel thankfulness for the person you have been and who will live on in their memories.

janeainsworth Fri 03-Mar-17 16:09:05

crossed posts Izabella.
The party bit sounds fine. smile

Anya Fri 03-Mar-17 16:28:41

But Jane it's quite acceptable to have loved ones stand up and speak at the Crematorium. In fact it's often better than some religious figure who doesn't know you. I've been to a couple of cringeworthy funerals where it was obvious that the person officiating hadn't a clue about the departed person. One was harking in about his 'love of cats' hmm

OK he had a cat, but he wasn't especially fond of 'that bloody animal' so must have just latched onto that when he visited the house to see his widow.

Lona Fri 03-Mar-17 16:47:55

Izabella I've arranged and paid for my own, very basic funeral. Straight to crem, nothing religious. It's simple and the funeral directors were quite matter of fact.
Both my parents had previously paid in advance and at my father's there were only four of us,a few words from a lovely Catholic priest who never mentioned anything religious, and we were out in about five minutes.

janeainsworth Fri 03-Mar-17 16:58:06

I know anya and it's good when that happens.
But at the funeral I'm referring to, the deceased had stipulated that no-one was to speak. The coffin just passed through and the curtains closed without anyone saying a word.

Anya Fri 03-Mar-17 17:39:36

That's quite hard Jane - it's not many that simply wanted to be shunted out like that I hope. Hardly worth going to say goodbye.

janeainsworth Fri 03-Mar-17 19:38:35

Yes that's what we felt Anya but we couldn't let the older relative go by herself sad

Ana Fri 03-Mar-17 20:21:59

Yes, I suppose you could just wait until the ashes were ready for collection if you wanted to scatter them somewhere special, or even at the crematorium, and could say a few words then.

They aren't available straight away, obviously (although I've known people who have thought they could just pick them up after the service...)confused

Hopehope Sat 04-Mar-17 00:20:17

I want a no fuss one way ticket to the Crem when my turn comes. I don't even ant anyone to see me off. They can all go out for a lunch or something . Don't want flowers either. I LOVE flowers now, but I wont see them. I would rather any money is spent on a charity of the one left behinds choosing.

NonnaW Sat 04-Mar-17 12:43:34

My uncle's funeral was conducted by a lovely lady, completely non-religious, which until then I hadn't realised was possible.

Anya Sat 04-Mar-17 15:51:57

I've written a couple of good, non-religious eulogies. In fact the Coroner's Officer, who attends many such events, so one was the most moving he'd ever heard. Wonder if there's a new career in the offing and how I'd go about offering my services.,

Perhaps 'Lady with Black Suit and Good with Words available for funerals, bar mitzvahs and naming ceremonies' ?

Izabella Sat 04-Mar-17 18:17:14

Thanks all. The reasoning of people at the crem and what happens is irrelevant as we will just be taken there at end of the day with no one else present. It is as we wish and discussed with family who are absolutely fine about it and looking forward to the party afterwards. I had hoped someone could point me in the direction of who is trustworthy in all of this. I have reservations of a pre paid funeral now being able to fully fund a funeral in the future and that is my dilemma. All of this will only be relevant should the medical school refuse our bodies as being unsuitable for research. In that case the medical school just arrange cremation in due course.

chriscrane Fri 19-Jun-20 21:00:46

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Bathsheba Fri 19-Jun-20 21:02:17