Could/should I have said/done more?

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Just answering a few posts all at once that actually seemed to have to highlight me Chew if that's ok with you.

Im just not a drama lama and don't let my imagine run away with me. Im also direct and rarely sit of the fence

Difficult isn't it. The thing is that if you humiliate the 'carer' she might take it out of the child.

I was in a similar situation, but in a hospital when I was visiting my son would you believe.

This little child, age about 2yrs was sitting on a potty sobbing. I waited and waited, no nurse. In the end I picked him up, dried him off and put him back in his cot. Stayed with him until he went to sleep bless him. Half an hour later this nurse came in with his parents. 'Oh yes, he has been much better and sleeping well" she told them. I felt like saying "where were you half an hour ago?" The full potty was still sitting there by his bed. I decided not to upset the parents any more than they were..coward that I was.

Well said cherrytree and noteinastorm.

Evening all, not my usual style to put my head above the parapet, and will confess right away that I only read the first 3 pages of this thread.

But I was left so by the posts made by SAAK that I am actually posting this.

SAAK, as already mentioned, I confess to not reading the whole thread, but felt that your comments, especially those directed towards Newquay were uncalled for and unnecessary.

No-one wants to look like a nosy old git but maybe we all should interfere a bit more if we feel something is wrong. A small child alone and distressed for that period of time rings alarm bells. What if it hadn't been Newquay who came along and comforted him but a different stranger with an ulterior motive? You take your eye off a little kid for 10 minutes and they could be literally miles away by the time you start looking.

Admittedly that's the worst that could happen, but a kid shouldn't be left alone and crying for that length of time, particularly one so small. They're not going to chill out, they're going to lose control - as Newquay said, this little lad was on the verge of making himself sick.

I'm not saying we should constantly berate other people about their parenting skills but maybe we do need to be a bit more aware of what's going on, where kids are concerned. How many abused children would be alive today if family, friends, teachers or neighbours had done something about their suspicions?

stillaliveandkicking I've noticed many times on various posts that you make rather strange and nasty comments. I really don't know what your problem is. I agree with the original poster that it was very worrying and I would have been upset about it too.

I would not leave children unsupervised, but I don't think I can foist my standards on others.

Ofsted would be horrified if you left a child unsupervised for 10 minutes...not something any decent childminder or carer would do. The point for me is not so much the child crying for 10 minutes, although I would have stepped in before that with any child in my care, but the fact that the carer couldn't be identified because they weren't there. If I had left my child to cry, them moment other people started to become concerned, I would have let them know that he wasn't unaccompanied and, probably, the reason why I wasn't comforting him.

I don't see anything wrong with then eating on another table as long as someone had an eye on him. Children often like to eat at their own table with their friends and it is valuable in learning social skills.

Perhaps OP speculated a bit much but I don't think there was a need to be rude, SAAK, which from the very beginning you set out to be. Lots of people might agree with you but they put it in a polite way which you rather hope for when dealing with adults..even on GN.

*BlueBelle. You'll have to join the club. Only members with not a maternal bone in their bodies need apply.

I think the first reaction was correct to comfort a crying child who seems alone it goes downhill after that, four children sitting eating sandwiches while the adults chat shouldn't be any cause for a problem to be appalled at, the rest is just pure speculation we ve no idea who the lady was paid or unpaid could have been the mother, ( just because she said 'I m looking after him' does not discount her from being the mother could have been an aunt, next door neighbour how do you know she was paid ? Then the thread goes Completely off piste with poor little Jamie Bulger and expensive negligent play schools all getting a look in

I think it's OTT to assume he's an uncare for child from the picture described and
certainly not something to break your heart over .....

Thank you for all the positive posts. I'm not writing here for praise, for goodness sake, just shared thoughts/ideas on such a difficult situation. It's miserable when you find someone's little one in distress and alone. Our younger DD was dreadful for her first two years-cried and screamed and all sorts. I wonder if we would have been arrested these days. She wore us out. We got so used to it, one day, having finished our (necessarily brief) business in a shop, warned the staff she'll scream her head off now it's time to go. We tried everything but in the end DH just picked her up, tucked her under his arm and off we went down the Main Street with her head screaming and her feet as if she were swimming being looked at by everyone we passed. Then she finally just stopped and we put her down and off she toddled happy as anything and us like wrung out rags. She doesn't do it now- but then she is a 39 year old, very happy, competent, professional woman, happily married and with a dear little girl of her own who can be nearly as difficult sometimes!

Don't let this deter you from helping a child in the future, Newquay , should the occasion ever arise. Your conscience is clear, you did what you could at the time.

Wow 'war and peace' A child 2/3 curled up sobbing, that would upset me greatly, especially as there was no one there watching over him. To make out Newquay is making a fuss is absolutely heartless and cold hearted. My mother sprang to mind when I read these posts. Not a maternal bone in your body.

I think I'll just ignore the unhelpful and, it has to be said, unkind comments on here. Someone said I should have taken him to the management. I was well aware of not "touching"him for fear of being accused of something untoward so all I could do was to try to verbally console him in the hope that someone who did actually care-whoever-would turn up. I suppose I could have asked the other Gran to stay put while I went to fetch someone in charge. I really wanted my DH's old school Acme Thunderer whistle to get eveyone's attention and ask just who was supposed to be looking after this upset child! When our eldest DGDs were small and we looked after them their Dad, then a serving police officer told (not asked!) us to never let them out of our sight-something we willingly adhered to. Funnily enough eldest DD said recently that, at swimming lessons for her youngest two, there is a lady who is verbally horrible to her children all the time. Poor kids.

I disagree totally with SAAK, a child can be snatched in a minute if left alone. BUT we don't know the details of this case. Newquay did what she could and feels concerned that she should have done more but I don't think she could. Well done her for stepping in. But please, SAAK and others on both sides of the argument, can we please stop the aggression and rudeness. Surely we're here to exchange views in a civilised way. Let's do that.

Grannygrunt, your post is just plain rude and offensive, maybe someone should sit with you and teach you some manners on how to behave towards others in a discussion.

Kathcan It sounds as if it was one of those soft-play areas; unless a child is very tiny adults are not supposed to go in with them, they are perfectly safe and can be watched from outside as there is a small entrance/exit.

We don't know if the parent/carer was sitting watching and waiting for the child to get over a tantrum or if she was neglectful. And Newquay doesn't say that he carried on being unhappy afterwards when he was eating with the other children (although I would not have left them to eat without watching them myself).

I have intervened before now if I thought a child was lost, and a couple of times seeing a child left in a car.

I find it impossible not to say something if I see child abuse. That doesn't include the OP situation but it certainly includes slapping a child, especially so hard it falls to the floor.
I once challenged a man I saw slap his 4 r 5 year old daughter very hard across the face. In response he told me he did it because "she ran off". I told him clearly he'd assaulted the child, left a mark on her face and that if I'd been a police officer, i'd have arrested him. Afterwards, I felt relieved he didn't slap me.

10 minutes in a play area, that child could have been abducted or anything could have happened, you do not take your eyes off your children in public places, not for a minute. This woman should have been reported, if she's a child minder she's not fit and should be sacked, next time she may not be so lucky as to have two caring people bring this child back to her. Poor little boy.

I was in Ikea with my daughter and we saw a child slapped so hard he fell to the floor. My daughter was so upset she informed the police and although they took a report from her, there was no way to identify the woman who abused this child so we had to accept he would just get more of the same at home, poor mite.

Another outbreak of unpleasantness and rudeness on gransnet. It's becoming far too frequent and spoils the enjoyment for many (although it's clear it adds to the enjoyment for some)

I agree with the view that getting involved when a little one seems alone and distressed is the right thing to do.

I don't see where the evidence is that the child was in the care of a childminder. I'm glad you got involved Newquay and for what its worth, I don't believe you could have done any more.

Many seem to feel that these criticisms are justified whether the woman in charge was a friend/relative or a childminder. One clear concern is that anyone who is paid to look after children expresses such views.
Coming at the discussion from 2 slightly different angles?