Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Could/should I have said/done more?

(154 Posts)
Newquay Tue 28-Mar-17 20:41:06

While visiting our DD we took our 3 year old DGD to a local playbarn as the weather was cold. It was a school day so not overcrowded and all under fives. I keep DGD under my watchful eye at all times and venture in as much as I can so I can join in. On entering a sort of padded football pitch to have a kick around, suddenly there was crying nearby. I saw a child 2-3 curled up in a corner sobbing. I said come on let's find Mummy. Couldn't see anyone looking over. He continued to cry and, at one point, I thought he was going to make himself sick. Another Gran appeared and we both tried to console him while looking out for an adult. He then said Daddy so I said come on then let,s find Daddy. Then a woman appeared who said she was looking after him, I said he's been crying for about 10 minutes.she just walked him away. Later I saw her sitting on a sofa chatting to another woman with her back to a table with 4 children eating their lunches (sandwiches) on their own. I was appalled that she was probably being paid to look after these children and she certainly wasn't. My heart breaks thinking of this little chap enduring this "care" and, of course, he can't tell anyone how miserable he is or why. Should I have done more and, in any case, what?

SueDonim Tue 28-Mar-17 20:49:42

I think I'd have informed the management of the playbarn and let them sort of it. Poor little mite!

Norah Tue 28-Mar-17 20:52:41

How terrible. I can't think of anything you could have done.

I saw a child slapped in Aldi, last week, I was at a loss to act. No 'rule' had been broken.

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:05:55

It's heart breaking to see a little one distressed, I can see why it would play on your mind it would have played on mine too, sadly even if you had said something it would not alter this little persons life, so many of this generation have their kids farmed out for great swathes of time , I find it heartbreaking., perhaps for every child who is getting a raw deal in daycare there are others who are being treated better than they would have been at home. 😥

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 21:08:15

Maybe she was in the toilet, 10 minutes is nothing. Why can't kids eat their lunch on their own from another table? How do you know he's miserable? Very judgy post OP. Should she micromanage him then?

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:18:56

What at age 2/3 & not with a family member or apparently not being kept an eye on by the person who is responsible for their care! I don't think so

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 21:23:10

The op doesn't actually know how old the child was, she assumed. She assumed a lot really.

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:25:42

Best to have someone being over caring than under caring don't you think .

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 21:28:19

The OP has assumed so much here and doesn't know any actual facts at all so it's pretty ridiculous to make such awful judgements.

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:34:33

Not really ,she was just just being observant & many people in hindsight wished they had acted on their gut feelings . I know I would rather act than wish later that I had even if I ended up feeling stupid by getting it it all wrong !

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 21:35:19

She was being judgy.

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:36:14

Well yes but in a kind way

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 21:38:10

How does she know he was enduring this care and unhappy, how?

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 21:38:35

Very over the top and judgy.

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:45:36

Well we don't know
Neither did she She was just being a good citizen & prepared to intervene if it looked like action was needed, it's a pity more people don't do the same. I Once read about a woman who was upset because a baby was crying with the mum apparently at her wits end not knowing what to do , so this woman asked her if she good do anything to help,the mum was pleased to have someone speak to her etc judgments can be positive & negative I took the post to be concerned not critical

Chewbacca Tue 28-Mar-17 21:57:13

Judgy or not stillalive, if I was paying someone to care for my child, and I found out that he'd been sobbing in a corner on his own, and 2 strangers had had to go and find the person that I was paying to look after him....... I'd want to know. I'd rather be judged as being a nosey old bat than finding out later that the child wasn't being looked after. There have been too many occasions where people have thought that something was amiss but, like you, not wanted to interfere. Very recent history tells us that "minding our own business" isn't always beneficial to a child.

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 22:01:34

Not sure how relevant that post is norose. I find the OP very judgemental. All that happened was a child was crying in a play area for a bit, no big deal. Then he was sitting with other peers at a table eating lunch.

Then the OP went on to say how unhappy the boy "probably" was.


stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 22:02:34

Here we go. So over the top!

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:03:09

Do you not see that you are equally making judgements & you weren't actually there!

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 22:03:48

Two strangers probably took it upon themselves to be rather dramatic.

Chewbacca Tue 28-Mar-17 22:04:31

I think stillalive just wants an argument norose! wink

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:05:10

Possibly ,possibly not we weren't there

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 22:06:04

Not at all, Im sticking up for someone that probably hasn't done anything wrong but is being judged, hence taking the child and not explaining as she didn't need to.

stillaliveandkicking Tue 28-Mar-17 22:07:17

I think chewbacca is rather passive aggressive. Winky face.

norose4 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:07:39

Ahh Yes I think you are right Chewbbaca , thank you, some people just can't help themselves ,