Sensitive husband

As others have already suggested, this seems rather more extreme than being "over-sensitive", and appears to be more of a manifestation of a deep-seated paranoia, perhaps amplified by ageing and the onset of associated dementia. He should most certainly seek help, but will probably strongly resist any suggestion that he may have mental health issues. You should also seek professional support, as his delusions are not only dragging you down but are leading to your social isolation from all his imagined "enemies", who also happen to be your family and friends.I would suggest that initially you raise the issue with your G.P., who may then refer you on for more specialised intervention.

Good advice from Coolgran. Stop hiding his behaviour from your children. Talk to them about it. Things never seem so bad as when they are secrets. And I agree it won't come as a surprise to them.

"What He does say is that if only I would believe him instead of "siding with them" he would feel a lot better."
I really don't like that. He's demanding you share his delusion, when your own senses tell you it isn't so. And anyway, he wouldn't feel better he would feel worse, as your 'siding with him' would just confirm that it's really happening and put him into siege mentality.

I have suggested on numerous occasions that he should seek help, but he flatly refuses on the grounds that he hasn't done anything wrong to make these people say "such horrible and nasty things" to him.
I would keep plugging away on 'so the whole world's out of step bar you?'. Point out that if so many people are saying horrible things, there are only two possibilities - 1. he's wrong and they're not saying horrible things, or 2. he's right and if so many people are saying horrible things, such a variety of people, then the only common factor is him and so it must be his fault, he started it and the others are responding. No, it won't go down well. But I think it's better to face the storm than walk on eggshells forever.

You need support for yourself, this sounds very difficult to live with. Agree with suggestions of talking to GP and DCs about it. If you have the patience and stamina, challenging some of his comments might help you, youmust feel as if you're living in looking glass world at times. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated because of his problems. 'Replaying' upsetting conversations and past hurts can be a symptom of depression - I've suffered from this myself, and am finding counselling helpful. But I did have to recognise that I needed help for myself, and he may not be there yet. This situation sounds awful for you, please look after yourself rather than focussing on your husband.

I recognise the syndrome, DH (and in the past, a DU) both suffer/ed from it mildly.although not nearly as bad (none of the lying awake brooding and certainly not bad enough to be a mental health issue).

It arises not from paranoia but a deep underlying sense of insecurity/lack of self esteem, particularly in personal relationships and is, I think, a defence mechanism. Seeing the barb that may be planted in a remark, in case you make yourself look stupid by not realising it is an insult.

After years of tiptoing round the issue, and after a major crisis, I gave up on the discretion and understanding and every time a remark was misinterpreted I ask DH to justify his interpretation. Surprisingly, that has worked really quite well, more recently he had some counselling as well.

Our children are well aware of all are little foibles and treat us very gently

shelia63 Welcome, sorry you are having such a hard time of it.You say you want to be able to cope with your Husbands behaviour and i think the only way you can do that is by being honest with everyone, i am sure your children are more than aware of their Fathers mental health issues and only stay quiet to keep the peace for your sake. Friends should be told as well as your G.P as this surely must be impacting on your own health and life.It is a huge burden to carry silently and alone. Have you ever told your Husband about the impact that hisissues have on you ? May be it is time to take off the kid gloves and tell the truth before this situation takes its toll on you

A little off the wall but do you think your DH could be autistic? My DGC misunderstands a lot of things and often takes offence where none is intended. I do not want to label your DH but you say he has always been like this. Try looking on an ASD website and see if any thing strikes you as being something he could suffer from. If it is possible, then there is nothing he can do about it as it is part of his person but then you would understand a bit better. We did not help our DGC as much as we could as we were unaware of his problems. Good luck whatever you do

Agree about talking to your adult children. They should know. It sounds as though he has a predisposition to be sensitive, but this has increased over time. It does also seem that he needs professional help if he can be persuaded to take it. Meanwhile try to build a social life of your own where you are not on tenterhooks in case he feels offended. It might take time but you did ask for coping strategies and mine would be to try to enjoy life on my own. Try to have a life and not be in constant fear of his taking umbrage.

I think that is good advice Coolgran
Sheila to cope you do need to have a conversation quietly with family and friends, but not blaming them, just explaining how things are.
Even so, there will still be times when your DH feels angry about a slight or insult real or imagined, and I feel for you, it must be draining!

You do not want advice or theories on why your dh is the say that he is. You want coping strategies.

Honestly OP, and I mean this as kindly as possible..... the only coping strategy you will have will be as mentioned by f77ms, i.e. with no friends and no social life. Your dh appears unable to cope mentally with social comments and this is unlikely to change. Even if all seems ok when you are out together, it is likely that when you and he are alone - the analysing starts.

How do I know this...... because I tried to cope with a similar situation for 24 years. Each issue would be gone over, and over, and over. I had to leave for my own sanity.

I agree that you should tell your adult children. Perhaps they are aware of more than you realise.
In any case, you need support. Have a lunch with your dc and without your dh. Get it all into the open.
If your dc are not aware, then it's time that they were told.

Sounds to me like he needs medical help. I do understand that he will not ask for this help believing as he does that there is nothing wrong with him.

What I did, I spoke to my dh's GP. GP sent for dh to have a blood check up and then brought the conversation around to wellbeing, mood, emotions. Medication helped.

I think talking to your adult children would be a good idea too. It's possible that they might be able to help you convince him to see his GP, preferably with you so that the GP gets the full story.

A very tricky situation for you. I do hope that you can get some help for your husband.

I think this is a little more serious than being over sensitive. As it has been getting worse over a period of years perhaps the time has come to seek more professional help, although as I re-read your post it seems this is not an option as far as he is concerned.
You need to be supportive when he is right but show your concern when he misinterprets things. Eventually you will have to confront this and insist he gets help. I think you should talk to your children about it too as they may be able to help and they can support you.

The OP says he has always been touchy so would not think it should be attributed to Dementia at this point . More likely he has a paranoid personality !
Not sure what you can do , my X was very paranoid and fell out with everyone of our neighbours in turn . It made life very unpleasant for me , it was as if everyone had it in for him . I think unless you are willing to insist he sees someone by giving him an ultimatum then you just have to live with having no friends/ relatives in your life . I just couldn`t put up with it , life is much happier since my divorce !

Oh dear.

I think the best strategy would be to get him tested for early dementia - this sort of paranoia is not uncommon in the early stages as the person seeks to keep control over the things that they are struggling to keep at the forefront of their memory.

You have to acknowledge that his behaviour is abnormal whatever the cause. Hard to acknowledge I know. But the best thing you can do for him is to seek the cause rather than trying to alter his environment and social behaviour in any way.

TBH I would not regard hims as a "sensitive soul" but as someone with a mental health problem that needs dealing with.