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Child Care problems for new parents

(27 Posts)
Lilleth Fri 21-Apr-17 15:02:27

Youngest DD baby is now 6 months old and booked into Nursery in July when Mum goes back to work, Nursery days are Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. DD has just received Jury attendance letter for a week in mid July and asked partner to look after baby on the Monday and Friday of that week to cover her and was shocked at his reply “I would rather not take 2 precious leave days off as would prefer to use them to go on holiday with baby and you, can’t you find a Child Minder for those days?”.
DD pointed out that you cannot get Child Minders to do odd days and baby needs someone familiar i.e. family. DH and myself have told DD that we would do it, but try first to find a solution together, and if all else fails we will travel to London to help.

Is it reasonable to think “someone else can do it”? Or even a consideration?

Humbertbear Fri 21-Apr-17 15:12:24

I thought you could get a deferment from jury service if you have a small child? It certainly used to be possible. Do check.

Christinefrance Fri 21-Apr-17 18:05:30

It's tough having children, parents often have to give up things for them.
I agree with Humbertbear, I think there is exemption if you have young children.

MrsJamJam Fri 21-Apr-17 18:24:44

I expect she can get an exemption, but I would be worried about the attitude of this baby's father. Does he not see himself as a responsible parent, or give any thought to what is best for his child?

stillaliveandkicking Fri 21-Apr-17 18:38:16

Of course he should take those two days off.

Luckygirl Fri 21-Apr-17 18:39:40

She can get exemption; and he needs a kick up the rear end!

trisher Fri 21-Apr-17 18:47:11

She could ask to defer because of the child. She should fill in the form and give her reasons. If she does do it she is entitled to claim childcare costs for the extra days she would need care.
I don't know how many days holiday her partner has I suppose you could say he was saying he wanted to spend time with her (but really he should do what she wants if it makes her life easier)

janeainsworth Fri 21-Apr-17 18:47:40

Well at least the dad wants to use his leave for a family holiday - I think I would feel the same myself. It's not as though he's saving it for a trip away with the lads, is it?

I think it's highly likely that your DD will be exempt OP and she should certainly apply for it.
Even if she doesn't get it, she won't necessarily get called.
I don't do regular childcare and don't particular;y want to, but it's the sort of situation in which I'd be happy to help out.

stillaliveandkicking Fri 21-Apr-17 19:34:28

If your DD has to go then of course her husband should take the two days. Whilst some are saying he was thinking of the family really he wasn't way he. No OP you should absolutely not have to go and cover this at all.

Luckygirl Fri 21-Apr-17 20:30:27

And such a young child should not be sent to a child minder they do not know.

PamelaJ1 Fri 21-Apr-17 20:34:57

Only a week? My husband had to make himself available for longer than that and was lucky to get a trial that finished after about 10 days.
Men eh? 😟😤😥. Sorry SOME men.

Newquay Sat 22-Apr-17 08:15:12

When working I had to be careful using up holiday allowance so can understand father's point of view about not taking annual leave.
You cannot just leave a child with someone they don't know for just a couple of days.
Personally DH and I would jump at the chance to have little one to ourselves for a couple of days.
I would apply for exemption though explaining difficulty getting childcare.

PRINTMISS Sat 22-Apr-17 08:28:02

Apply for an exemption, and enjoy a family holiday.

mcem Sat 22-Apr-17 09:09:56

No question surely if she's breastfeeding?

silverlining48 Sat 22-Apr-17 09:48:20

Exemption certainly, otherwise a wonderful opportunity to spend time with your grandchild.

grannypiper Sat 22-Apr-17 17:33:40

Does this man realise that this is his child ? He needs a wake up call

Norah Sun 23-Apr-17 16:24:41

You do not have to watch your GC, but it is enjoyable. We would watch our GC, saving our AC their holiday days for a much needed break.

polyester57 Sun 23-Apr-17 16:44:24

My husband is in his 60s but still working and we have always struggled with his 25 days a year holidays. I don´t see how most people here can suggest that the son-in-law is selfish in not wanting to take the days off for his wife´s jury duty and so reduce his annual leave. The wife should apply for exemption, she will get it no problem. Or else, the grandparents should step in.

Penstemmon Sun 23-Apr-17 17:04:28

It might be possible that the nursery can accommodate the child for some extra times. It depends on how full they are. Otherwise it is not such a big deal is it? I can see dad's point if it means he will not have much time for a family holiday. If he is using family hols as an excuse not to take sole care of his child that is another matter. Butif you would enjoy spending time with your DGC why not?

Or DD applies for exemption!

stillaliveandkicking Sun 23-Apr-17 17:14:45

Now the OP is wrong. Why does the grandparent "have" to step in? Grandparents do have a separate life you know and don't have to be at the beck and call of their children. That to me, in enabling this man's behaviour.

It should go like this.

Woman - Ive been called up for jury service.
Man - I'd rather spend those two days on a family holiday but if you can't get an exemption then of course I will take those days off.

Very simple really.

Elrel Sun 23-Apr-17 17:15:08

Pamela - colleague was on a case which lasted several weeks, boss unimpressed and made snide remarks!

Cherrytree59 Sun 23-Apr-17 17:23:26

Better for mum to ask for an exemption than running the risk of finding herself involved in a lengthy trial that could go on for weeks or even months.

Penstemmon Sun 23-Apr-17 22:02:14

stillalive we all differ as grandparents in what we are able to do or choose to do for our AC re childcare.
If I do not have any pre-existing appointments I would always do childcare for DDs if they asked. Both are good and do not ask or expect frequently. Though I do have a regular commitment 2 x week for school pick up and tea. I enjoy this and offered to do it. When I am away on holiday, I give plenty of advance notice and they sort alternative arrangements!
In the case of jury service, which is not clear cut time wise, I might suggest the dates I could do and expect DD/partners to sort out the rest! But I am lucky to live close to them so it is not difficult. If it involved travel /overnight stays etc. I might feel differently.

stillaliveandkicking Sun 23-Apr-17 22:07:46

Not sure why you have to start with my name but yes of course all different. I was just saying that grandparents do have a life and don't need to feel guilty if they don't want to.

MawBroon Sun 23-Apr-17 22:09:26

25 days a year is 5 weeks polyester57
When DH worked he had I think max 3 weeks plus public holidays. How is 5 weeks a struggle?
We could not have afforded to go away for more than a fortnight anyway!
Don't quite get your point.