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Class differences/blended families

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Flaxseed Tue 30-May-17 14:47:50

I hope this is the right place to get views on my dilemma.
Me and my partner are in our 50's and met a couple of years ago. We don't live together.

Both have children of varying ages (late teens to adulthood)
Partner is the nicest person I have ever met and we get on very, very well.
He is down to earth, non judgemental and successful.
I have never met his ex wife (mother of his children) but know she and her family are very well off.
Their children were privately educated and have never wanted for anything. They had/have everything. Horses, cars, a big house with no neighbours, holidays all over the world, speak very well, never had to earn anything for themselves and are now both at prestigious university's.
I have met them and I like them, but feel intimidated by them. Not because they do anything to make me feel intimidated, but just because I never feel 'good enough'

The issue is - the children have never met. And if I'm honest, I don't really want them to but accept that they will have to one day.
I just do not see what on earth they would have in common! They live in totally different worlds.

Myself and my children speak in our local accent, mine went to our local comprehensive. Whilst one of mine was accepted at uni, she decided she didn't want a 'lifetime of debt' so did a home based course and now has a good, well respected job.
My other one struggled at school but managed college and now has a job she loves but is not particularly well paid. She is happily pregnant and looking forward to working part time at the same job.

Both of mine have had paid work as soon as they were old enough and worked whilst studying. We've had 'normal' family holidays and did the normal extra curricular activities and school trips but nothing more.
They are crazy fun loving children who are happy with their lot in life. They have both saved hard to secure their own modest properties recently.
My partners children just seem to want to study forever and travel the world which is great for them and their choice of course!

My worries are, that I feel my partners children will look down on mine and mine will just think his are 'snooty'

My partner does a great job of including me in everything and I try not to show how uncomfortable I feel if we are with his children. But it's like they speak a different language when we are with them!

Has anyone else been in this situation?
How did you handle it?
What happened when the two families met?
Look forward to any answers/ opinions
Thank you

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palliser65 Thu 01-Jun-17 08:08:20

Sorry you feel inadequate. Do you believe these wealthier people feel in any way superior or do you just feel inferior. Can I give you a view from the other side? Myself and my husband are much better off financialy than our 3 sets of in-laws. Our children have had a more sophisticated upbringing than their partners. Never have we met a more rude and thoughtless set of people. WHen we meet we ask about their health, holidays etc and just behave in our normal warm and friendly, courteous and civilised manner. ( we have been told that is our attitude by work, friends and family). On the other hand they ask us nothing, even when my husband had cancer. They sit looking into distance not engaging or even smiling just giving mumbled and brief responses. They never offer to share the bill when we are out or give thoughtful presents to grandchildren. Their attitude is we can afford everything. They talk about themselves when they do speak and it's as if we don't exist. I have been told they feel inferior and this is defensive beahviour. We are naturally very upset and in fact I minimise any contact. My children are also starting to minimise contact as appalled at the treatment to their parents. Please just be a human being as they are human beings. They think their life is normal and are not in any way intending to upset you. PLease stop thinking of yourself. Think of your partner and children and be warm, courteous and friendly. Ask 'how are you' at least. Please do not sit there thinking of how you look, how you sound. Think about making new friends and being open to new experiences. We are all of value.

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Starlady Thu 01-Jun-17 11:00:36

Imo, you've gotten a lot of great advice here, Flaxseed. Just want to add this - If your ac (adult children) like each other, fine. If they don't, that's unfortunate, but their issue to handle, not yours. I don't think you should go out of your way to get them together if you don't feel comfortable, but I don't think you should resist the idea either. Relax and let what happens, happen.

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Flaxseed Sun 04-Jun-17 21:37:05

Thanks for the further messages. They have all helped a lot.
There are no plans for meeting yet as we can never get them all together due to their busy lives! But I will try to worry less when the day does come wink

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