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Please can all grandmothers read please, thankyou

(15 Posts)
MissAdventure Thu 15-Jun-17 10:15:29

My grandson doesn't see his family on his fathers side
The mum (his Nan) made a big fuss about wanting a relationship with him; hounding my daughter about it, and saying that regardless of anything else, she wanted involvement. Arrangements were made, and she never showed, and hasn't been in touch since
My grandson will be 9 soon.
People are strange, is all I can say.

ninathenana Thu 15-Jun-17 07:18:18

Well said BlueBelle

BlueBelle Thu 15-Jun-17 06:42:37

Your question is Do you think she would want to know her granddaughter ?
No one on here can help with that question at all as no one knows the family, the lady in question or indeed anything about your situation
Why don't you just get on with bringing up your children yourself and stop spending so much time and energy on wondering about his family Let things settle down if the Granny wants to have a relationship she obviously knows where you live and she will make moves to see her grandchild You cannot force relationships and you are spending too much energy trying to solve something that may not be solvable Stop banging your head against a brick wall

Do the other children see their paternal grandparents? Do they all have maternal grandparents If the answer is yes then accept that and move on You have kinda got hung up on having to make it all right with his family let it be if it's meant to happen it will fall into place

Motherof517 Wed 14-Jun-17 22:39:32

I'm new to this site and not entirely too sure how to use it, so apologies if you see this post repeatedly

Motherof517 Wed 14-Jun-17 22:37:36

The DNA test was done through child maintenance service so results wise baby's dad got a copy and I being the mother got a copy, I don't know if he's shown her the results showing her he's my baby's father

Motherof517 Wed 14-Jun-17 22:35:50

I really am trying my hardiest to explain. No I only have one child with this father, not the other two they are nothing to do with him. Basically when someone works in a setting with children or young adults and an order is served for harassment etc this can then go against you for the job too. (Btw which I wouldn't do but I don't know what the baby's father has told her about me) yes I understand that maw

MawBroon Wed 14-Jun-17 22:29:54

You haven't explained the DNA test, who the other children's father is or the relevance of her job.
TBH I don't think you can second guess what she may or may not think in the future. (" deep down I reckon she would want to know her grandchild") That is for her to decide.
V complicated.

Motherof517 Wed 14-Jun-17 22:28:49

Il go with what ever I just want to have tried my best for my little girl that's all. What ever the outcome of it will be. Xx

Motherof517 Wed 14-Jun-17 22:25:22

Hi thankyou for your replies, see deep down I recon she would want to know her grandchild but with the father in the way preventing it (he doesn't want contact and he's still a big part of his mum life) i don't want to be seen as the bitter person. So far as it stands me and baby's dad are completely done with I won't be bothering him in any shape or form. And il be ignoring everything. As his mum has always kept out of it and obv the contact restrictions there I'm not able to actually find out wether she wants a relationship with her granddaughter or not without a 3rd party to ask her directly. It could be the case she doesn't want to upset her son so wants to keep it quiet I just don't know. I'm being very cautious with it but by going to a mediator I've done everything possible I'll then have answers that are most important to my daughter as to wether at all her grandmother would like a relationship I want those answers I should know as a parent for when she's old enough to ask me. Any other questions as to why she might not want to know if that was her grandmothers choice would have to be answered by her but il be behind my daughter every step of the way, my daughters father went with my best friend whilst I was pregnant with her so you can quite understand why he's acting the way he is. I know it's all a front but children don't stop growing and progressing because one parent wasn't ready. It would be up to my daughter to do what she think is the best for her as she gets older but I need to have tried everything for her before I get those questions myself. Xx

MawBroon Wed 14-Jun-17 21:44:37

Right, taking a deep breath.
This sounds complicated and I don't even begin to understand how the ex-partner's mother could have the results of a DNA test on the baby without Mum's knowledge or permission.
That aside and please correct me if I have misunderstood
The relationship was a bad one and is OVER. I believe his family are warned not to to come to the property, so any contact or ongoing relationship is presumably out of the question. That said, how can you the OP want a "grandmother/granddaughter" relationship between her and your baby? The biological fact of the baby's birth is not in itself enough to make this a right for either side or even desirable.
Is he the father of your other children?
If she does not want to see the baby that is presumably that and you cannot force a relationship.
I fail to see how her job as a teacher has any relevance to the issue and don't understand what you mean.
It is a sad situation, but given the issues between yourself and your ex-partner, I can't see any other way forward.
If she wishes to meet her granddaughter by all means leave a door open, do not shut her out, but it takes two to make a relationship and at the moment it sounds one sided. Sad but you may just have to live with that for now.( Involving the police was perhaps unfortunate and was likely to alienate her even more.)
Can you just let things calm down for a bit?

Charleygirl Wed 14-Jun-17 21:43:30

By writing this in triplicate what do you hope to achieve?

Grannyben Wed 14-Jun-17 21:43:12

Hello there, if I was you, I would tread very carefully. You have said that the baby's father poses a threat of serious violence and, his mother was told , presumably by the police, that she will be in serious trouble if she ever comes to your property again. I think sometimes you just have to accept the situation you are in and concentrate on yourself​ and your children.
As it is, you have set the wheels in motion for mediation with your daughter's grandmother. I would therefore wait and see if she responds to the mediator but, if she doesn't, I really would let sleeping dogs lie

phoenix Wed 14-Jun-17 21:38:16

PS. This site is definitely NOT for grandmothers only!

phoenix Wed 14-Jun-17 21:36:39

Sorry that you are going through this, not quite sure what else to say.

Motherof517 Wed 14-Jun-17 20:49:47

Today 20:33 Motherof517

Hi, I know this site is for grandmothers only but it's the only place where I could think to ask to get a clearer view with everything please post your opinion in relation to this if you was in this situation as a grandparent please I'd greatly appreciate it.

Firstly my baby's father relationship and I was horrid we just never got along. Now I know he's lied to his mother with quite a bit and I understand as a mother you do everything to back your children 100% but deep down I know she knows the truth. He told his mother I told him that I cheated on him and that (during pregnancy) and that the baby wasn't his. I sent her several messages saying he's making a big mistake I'd never said that etc etc, though I never got a reply but she read my messages. When the baby was born I informed her that her granddaughter was here but as there was threat of serious violence baby's father and family was warned not to come to the property. However at a few weeks old she turned up at my door with a DNA test of her own despite the child maintenance service giving them the option through them which would have been accepted by them. The one she Beaufort round wasn't accepted. I asked at the door is that the one from cms she she yeah I said it's not because it's got to be done through the doctors so non of it can be forged, (pictures would be taken) she then proceeded to tell me it was I said where's the letter stating it's from them she shows me a form, no letter. She was lying for what reason il never know. But she was in the end told to go through the proper channels. As my children was behind me and seen and heard everything I had to inform police about this as I didn't want it to happen again. She was told to never come to my property again else she would be in trouble. So anyway fast forward a few months the DNA has been done and he is my child's father like I said all along. Understandable that she would have questioned it seen as its her son. I got messages from baby's father and girlfriend saying he doesn't want anything to do with my 'thing' they referred her too. Said they would shut the door on her face when she comes looking for answers when she's older. Now I'm not sure the grandmother knows about the DNA but I would have thought so, so instead of being bitter I've applied to mediation for my daughter to get to know her grandmother, I don't know if she will accept it she loves children and I have no doubt she could be a brilliant grandmother to my little girl, she deserves the right to know her wether her son doesn't. However my question is she's pretty much not said anything about the whole situation and just blanked my messages about my little girl (no responses) she's also a teacher so I don't know if this is because she knows at a later date her son will want to know her granddaughter or it's to save her jobs worth.

I've even said to the mediator if she didn't want her son to know absolutely it her seeing my daughter I'd respect that and keep it quiet to save arguments.

Am I doing the right thing?
Do you think she would want to know her granddaughter? Or do you think she would back her son and leave it up to him?

If it was you who was her grandmother what would you think abut it whole situation and would you want to know?