My Grans unannounced daily visits

What a stressful situation Thistlerose1

The thing that would upset me more than the comments, would be the display of blatant preference for one child over the others. My mother's like this, and it's very hurtful for the other children (even if they do try to avoid her)

As other people have said, your health - mental and physical, should be the priority here. If other family members now avoid her because of her attitude, that's her problem and not yours. She needs to be told that her behaviour is unacceptable, no matter what her age is. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, not hers.

You seem to feel sorry for her as she is old. Old people are just people who have lived a long time. You should treat her as you would anyone of any age. We're all going to die! If that's why you think you may regret being firm with her.
Just tell her straight that you don't want her visiting every day. If she says that she's cone to visit your son not you, which by the way sounds very rude, tell her you don't want her visiting him every day. She's selfish and bullying you. If she takes offence, hard luck. She dosnt care about you taking offence at her Unwanted Visits.
Just tell her She Can Come One Day A Week i.e Mondays, And Stick With It. You Should Not Be Made Anxious By This Bullying Woman.

No i m totally getting what your saying Nanabilly and agree I m just saying the poster has obviously been procrastinating about it for so long that the only way is to do what is needed to break the cycle because that's what it is, a habit they have both fallen into i m far from someone who jumps in never have been I procrastinate and go over and over things but I know from my own experience you can go on for ever thinking it over and sometimes you just have to break your norm and do it, then you feel 100 % better

Yes bluebelle I see what you are saying but for some it does not happen like that ,some people need time to work out how ,when and why they are going to do things. Me , I would just do it and think nothing of upsetting folks ,years ago it would have been so different ,I would dither for weeks and be afraid of hurting someone never mind if they had hurt me . Suppose it comes with age and experience. OP is obviously not the kind of person who just goes in ,even with people backing her up and giving ideas of how to deal with a problem, she needs time to sort it out in her head first and that is fine too . Good job we are not all the same.

Nanabilly it's one of those things that if it's not done at the time with all this support behind the poster it won't be done Some things you have to take the bull by the horns whilst you ve got good back up If she's been putting up with for a very long time her best chance of changing the situation is to do it when there's dozens of people spurring her on

Lets hope your gran likes the house she is looking at and then maybe your problem will sort itself out . I don't think you are slow in taking up any suggestions as some have said. You have to pluck up the courage to do it or find the right moment . Good luck with it whenever you decide to tackle it .

Ok Thistlerose sounds as if it will all sort itself out to your advantage soon

You can either ask admin to delete your posts or just stop posting and it should die off on its own accord no other way I know off to stop a thread

Good luck

we are not all grans on here....

Is there a way to end or delete a post? Xx

Yes my Mum lives in a different city but it's only 27 miles away, they usually visit her once a week but because the house they have been offered is close to my mums they have been that way gathering info about the area.. I was prepared to say my piece but I was in the middle of decorating my kitchen so it was not a good time to be laying down laws as I didn't even stop to really acknowledge them.. I've heeded the kind advice and I'm merely updating as some posters asked to be kept updated xx

Very good advice from Anya but requires you to follow it!

I thought your mum lived some distance away in another city and so they travelled to her city unannounced two days running I wonder why they left the convienence of your hospitality alone for two days Out if character wasn't it ?

I think you have been given a lot of good advice on here and a lot of people have shown patience with your problem but if you allowed Nan in on two occasions on Monday it's kinda fell on the deaf ears as you have not done anything to change the whole scenario

If you don't like something you have two choices, put up and get on with it as your husband has suggested or change things You have been given lots of really helpful tricks of the trade but until you are prepared to give them a try nothing will change unless Nan and grandad convienent move away of course

Elgran I think she would just tell me to beat it!! Xx

Lol BlueBelle I did call my Mum to see if she had heard from them as it was highly unusual but they had went unannounced to her house on both these day while my Num was asleep from working night shift.. Turns out she may be moving out the area if she likes a house she's been offered so will see what happens xx

Love your solution Elegran. Do you think it would work? "Oh, I'm so glad you're here, my feet are killing me. I've left the ironing for you, so I can play with the baby!"

If you don't stop her now, she'll be in your life, and that of your DS, for EVER!! And as she gets older it will get worse and she will become more controlling. I speak from the experience of my DM. I could never do things perfectly enough for her, but at the same time she wanted to be in my life, whenever she wanted. When she was dying she did say she'd always been really proud of me - but wanted me to be perfect - as she saw it.

Mothers spend years telling their growing offspring what to do and how to live. Some cannot let go and end up living their lives vicariously through their children. Insidiously directing the direction their lives take. In your case this has now transferred to you. And if, not stopped, your son. Ir doesn't sound though that your Gran is trying to help. She wants to control. It's up to you whether you want to let her.

Just tell her. Don't wrap it up but don't be harsh. Greet her by saying something like 'come and sit down while I make you a cup of tea. I've something to say, which will probably upset you, but I hope you will understand and respect my wishes.'

Leave her to mull this over while you make her a drink and then sit down with her and explain that you cannot just have her dropping in, unannounced every day. Tell her your plan (come on Wednesday or you'll give her a ring when you're free or whatever), and do not get into any justification of your stance. Just say it's too much and if she queries it stick to that.

If she gets stroppy tell her you still love her but ask her politely to leave and to go home and think it over.

As soon as she comes through the door say "Oh good, now that you are here I can go and have a sit-down. The sink is full of dishes, could you do that please? I've just put a load into the washing machine and the floor needs a good sweep. The clothes pegs are in a basket in the cupboard under the sink. I was planning a full roast dinner and an apple pie and custard for the meal, the ingredients are all on the kitchen table. When you take Susan and Tom to meet Jimmy for school, could you nip into the supermarket and get the things on this list - oh and there is a parcel to take to the post office. It's all wrapped up and addressed ready. My shoes are probably ready to be picked up from the menders too."

That should deter her from coming back too often.

Make sure you have hidden away everything she is likely to nose out and read.

Send her a link to this thread.

So she didn't come Saturday or Sunday but as she comes EVERY day I m amazed you didn't write that in capital letters or maybe worry she was ill or dead

Then today she turns up twice and you still hadn't locked any doors !!!

Well she turned up twice today and still I didn't get the courage to say anything but I certainly am getting there, it will come.. Nanabilly you may have just pushed me into it by mentioning the kids, that is a very good point and I certainly teach them to stand up for themselves.. I'll have to put my money where my mouth is xx

I'm with aslemma on this one . Do not start telling your gran lies about going out or having other plans . Do not close the curtains and spend your days hiding . Just be blunt .She seems to be the sort of person who needs this and may even ,in time, appreciate you being strong enough to feel able to be upfront with her. Bullies don't like strong people and it seems she is either a bully or incredibly stupid and senseless.
Don't let your daughters see you being treated like this either ,teach them how to deal with a bully.

Put all sorts of things on you calendar. Have crazy fake letters for her to read. Then invite her specifically at a day/ time to suit you to go out to a cafe for coffee/tea etc. Take back control.

I will probably get shot down in flames, but I really don't think you should need to resort to subterfuge, invest in new curtains, blinds or anything else which has been suggested. It is your house and she is making your life a misery. If I were in your place I would take my courage in both hands and tackle her head on next time she appears. I would not say "It isn't convenient just now" or anything similar. Simply meet her as soon as she arrives and say you have had more than enough of her and her interference over the years. She is no longer be welcome n your house and you would prefer that she didn't come again. It may sound brutal but I can assure you that you won't regret it tin the future. I know we are all brought up to respect our elders but just because someone is old does not give them carte blanche to behave in an unacceptable way
If she ask vwhat you mean simply provide examples of her behaviour thati Irks you. You will undoubtedly find this hard but the sense of relief you will feel afterwards will be
Immeasurable.

Perhaps she posts on here too and saw the thread.