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Why am I worrying about everthing!

(70 Posts)
Glenfinnan Wed 09-Aug-17 08:47:55

Since I retired I expect I have more time to think about things, and probably 'overthink' is the current buzz word. But I find myself worrying that I've said the wrong thing/not done the right thing. For example some friends are in the area for a few days we all met up on Saturday which was great and I asked them to pop in anytime during their stay. They phoned yesterday to say they would pop in for coffee while out doing an errand for their host. They did that and left after an hour, then I thought perhaps they were expecting to stay to lunch and I hadn't offered it!! Stupid I know but but I need to stop this! My husband is retired too and we do go out, have holidays, friends and family round. But I need to stop this beating myself up! Am I the only one?? I'm 68 and always thought my self sensible. Practical advice please GNetters!

Serkeen Tue 15-Aug-17 08:58:49

Well I can relate to this as I have been a terrible worrier, however in the past few years not so much, I have learnt not to worry I have taught myself to deal with worry, it can be done, I am much better at not worrying now, it is or was in my nature but can safely say I am not a worrier any more smile

Look at the bigger picture when you start to worry about something..I mean to say there are real big worries in the world aren't there, children starving and dieing needlessly, poor children that are sick in hospital etc etc

Glenfinnan Sat 12-Aug-17 20:14:09

Well GNers I was right to worry as it seems I completely got the situation wrong! I met my friend today who had been hosting the friends who popped in for coffee. They DID expect me to ask them to stay! I had understood they needed to be back at their host with some shopping for an Event that started at 1pm. The host said that although she had asked them to pick up some items she didn't need them for the start of her event! So now need to add mind reading to my inadequate skills!

NanKate Fri 11-Aug-17 20:25:10

Thanks Biker I will check it out.

margrete Fri 11-Aug-17 09:34:46

Thanks for the birthday wishes. Glenfinnan thank you - we really did go through it at the end of last year/start of this year. December was particularly dark - we'd refused that 'care package' imposed on us and a glimmer of hope came with a phone call from a consultant at Oxford saying he wanted to see DH in his clinic t Oxford before Christmas with a view to 'reconstruction' of leg. That was the first we knew that such a thing was possible - not replacement, not revision, but reconstruction. That happened 6 months ago, 6 months of antibiotics, never as good as new but at least he has the 2 legs he started out with, not one and a bit. And we had a lovely holiday in June right down to the Black Forest, driving all that way and finally back through Holland.

No need to worry about the hedgies. They're making themselves at home in the garden which is what they're meant to do. We have a wildlife camera and last night it picked them up feeding - at least one of them, maybe the same one twice or both of them on different occasions.

bikergran Fri 11-Aug-17 09:19:04

nankate not sure if you know (so if you do just ignore me) you are able to turn down the brightness on your ipad via the settings (brightness etc) I only know this. as when I set the clock for my GS on my ipad so if he wakes up during the night he uses it as a clock and he said it was too bright and showed me how to reduce the brightness lol...

NanKate Fri 11-Aug-17 07:24:29

I too am a worrier.

Here are my coping strategies.

I ask DH not to tell me about any concerning family emails until the morning when I am not so tired.

I go for 20 minute walks and concentrate on nature around me.

I go onto YouTube and listen through earphones to free sleep/ insomnia meditations at night to get me off to sleep. So that the brightness of the IPad doesn't disturbed me I put a dark tea cloth between the screen and the case lid and when I feel myself drifting off I pull the cloth out which switches off the Ipad.

I realise bad times and good times interchange.

Anymore suggestions gratefully accepted.

Glenfinnan Fri 11-Aug-17 07:05:53

Thank you GracesgranMK2 no I've not always been a worrier just since I retired. This latest incident has driven me crazy, I go over it in my mind constantly. We did have a nice chat over coffee and I know they had an errand to run for their hosts. It still feel mean I didn't offer lunch when they were here. I suppose I will get over it, but I just feel wreched!
Will think about what you and other GNer have suggested.

GracesGranMK2 Thu 10-Aug-17 22:31:05

Glenfinnan, were you a worrier previously? If not this could by the side effect of something else. It may be worth having a word with you doctor. My doctor was about to treat me for anxiety (and I wasn't just anxious, I really was beginning to suffer from the extremes of this). He decided to do some blood tests ' just in case' and found I had low thyroid. Just taking the thyroxine brought me well out of the anxiety! It might be worth checking.

Glenfinnan Thu 10-Aug-17 21:17:36

Thank you Crazygrandma2 I will try and get a copy! Will try anything to get peace of mind!

Crazygrandma2 Thu 10-Aug-17 15:03:23

Glenfinnan I recommend reading a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and It's All Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson. It changed the way I looked at things and put an end to some of the necessary worrying.

Glenfinnan Thu 10-Aug-17 13:44:23

Whoops obviously used the wrong instructions for the sun symbol! {sunshine}

Glenfinnan Thu 10-Aug-17 13:42:55

Dear Margrete, Happy Birthday. You put me to shame with my worries which are nothing compared with what you are going through. Hope there is good news in Oxford. (sunshine)

margrete Thu 10-Aug-17 10:52:38

Thanks to those who sent birthday wishes. Well, I suppose I should be worrying - 2 days ago I adopted 2 orphan hedgehogs, put them into a specially-constructed box/hedgehog house, they're supposed to go out at night and go back there to sleep in daylight, but they're not there! I can't find them! I did actually see one last night by means of shining a torch down the garden - it scurried off under a bush and I know there is plenty of cover for them to hide.

Next week we go to Oxford for DH to be signed off by his consultant after reconstruction of his leg 6 months ago and finishing 6 months of antibiotics. That was something real to worry about, if he had ended up with amputation and stuck on a 'care package' - less said about that the better. We'll go to Oxford together, make a day of it, find somewhere to have lunch.

What else to worry about? Oh yes, that mad b*stard in the White House and the other mad b*stard, Kim something. Well, we lived through all that years ago, hoped it would never happen again, but that is REALLY something to worry about. The sad part is, none of us can do a damned thing about it.

Shizam Wed 09-Aug-17 22:52:42

I'm sure your friends weren't expecting lunch and would have felt obliged if you had cooked for them without them knowing. A coffee/drink with old friends is a lovely thing to do. Chat. No stress. Sounds super.

farmgran Wed 09-Aug-17 22:24:18

Last night I started a new post about something that has been worrying me. This morning a phone call has made everything ok! I have in the past made myself ill with worrying and its time I stopped!

cheerfullizzy Wed 09-Aug-17 20:37:32

Tubby gran, yes, how right you are, it would be super if we could all just get together, now where's my magic wand??smile

cheerfullizzy Wed 09-Aug-17 20:35:13

Glenfinnan, we really can worry ourselves sick! believe me, I know, I've done it, and it's definitely NOT worth it,
easier said than done, but blood pressure suffers, along with all sorts of ailments. so..I say to myself..Why worry? it helps nothing. so enjoy your retirement, you owe it to yourself to be happy, content & free of worry!

Thebeeb Wed 09-Aug-17 19:18:33

Understand exactly where you are coming from.

Anything to do with friends or family I worry that I've done/said the wrong thing all the time. Sleepless nights, out of proportion etc.

But I am in the middle of breast cancer treatment and if it's about me I can just take it in my stride and sail through!! Why?

tiffaney Wed 09-Aug-17 18:12:05

I think you are either a worrier or not a worrier. It's just in your nature. I am a worrier or a mitherer as my husband calls it. He is not, my daughter is not. We can't help the way we are but it does take a lot of effort to not worry about things. My daughter says about me ' I would be worried if I had nothing tto worry about!!' I try and tell myself, in a 100 years from now we'll all be gone and none of this will matter.

Glenfinnan Wed 09-Aug-17 18:00:01

Thank you ALL again, I've learned some good coping strategies here! I'm very grateful to you all for taking the time to make these helpful suggestions!

Rosie59 Wed 09-Aug-17 16:26:35

I now think at my age having got this far without upsetting anyone too badly I must be okay at communication generally. I am trying to develop confidence in myself - telling myself that years of life experience shouldn't count for nothing and that to worry what people might think is really a waste of time & energy.
Your guests will have enjoyed their coffee with you and you went out of your way to make sure you saw them so I would just celebrate that and remember the happy time you all had which wouldn't have taken place but for your invite.

rosesarered Wed 09-Aug-17 13:29:52

There are enough real and serious problems that crop up in life, for ourselves and our families that nobody should worry about the small stuff.
The main thing with guests is to be welcoming, open the door to them with a big smile and greeting, and when they leave, go and wave them off ( if not local to you ) and wish them a safe journey.These things matter. Make a reasonably nice lunch ( or coffee and cake/biscuits ) as the last thing anyone likes is a host who apparently doesn't care if there is a biscuit in the house or not.) The things that don't matter are having a house that is immaculate (appearing as if you can take or leave the guests isn't good though.)
Worrying about what you say to people is a sign of low self -esteem, try not to do it , as long as you are not too socially unaware that you regularly go around offending all and sundry.

tubbygran Wed 09-Aug-17 13:05:56

I have a term I use for constant worrying...'tinnitus of the mind'.
Good luck Glenfinnan. I think your post and the really helpful replies will be of use to many Gransnetters. Wouldn't it be good if we could all just get together, right now, for a cuppa and cake?xx

Legs55 Wed 09-Aug-17 13:04:44

Pinned to my corkboard in the kitchen, right behind my kettle I have a little card which says "Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday and all's well".

I'm not one of life's worriers but as we get older Health does throw up a lot of concerns, but I'm also a realist in that I would rather face problems head on.

I'm sure your friends didn't expect more than coffee & a chat, I'm sure they enjoyed your company. I know it's easy to say but why worry about the things you can't change/influence. I've sometimes come home from outings/meals & wondered if I've "put my foot in it" but so far nobody's "taken the huff" with megrin

tubbygran Wed 09-Aug-17 12:47:56

I can recommend a very good book which addresses the problem of persistent anxiety/worry.
'At Last a Life' by Paul David
Check it out on Amazon, you will see lots of positive feedback.